I saw god,
grab my mother by the hair
and slam her head repeatedly,
till there were blood stains on the wall.
I remember each crease on his face
from my usual nightmares,
from memories I can't recall.
I saw god,
kick her in the stomach
till she lied on the floor,
numb.
He slapped her face
and punched her in the back
and then some.
I have seen the dark hollows
beneath her eyes,
as she wept in the silence of night.
Here, it was always grey.
There was no hope.
There was no light.
The house,
it reeked of burnt dreams
and pillow stained with tears.
She stopped to laugh.
Then stopped to cry.
Her eyes were filled with fear.
I saw god,
he cracked those jokes
and laughed among the crowd.
I watched her rock herself to sleep.
Only to wake startled,
to this silence so loud.
She kissed my cheek
and let me know,
"Darling, you are my only smile."
I saw her dance,
to pattering rain
When she was sane for a while.
I saw god,
grab a knife
and run behind her, till she fell.
And time and time,
what upset my god?
I just couldn't tell.
Soon enough,
she broke down.
Her eyes were blank as slate.
I kissed her cheek
and combed her hair.
But I knew it was too late.
Her eyes were dry,
she took my hand.
"I love you." she said.
It's been so long
that she is gone.
The ring of her voice
is still in my head.
I saw god,
crack open a wine
and once again,
laughed among the crowd.
She is still here,
weeping in a corner.
Waking me up,
to this silence so loud.