smokestack mirrors the smokestick in my hands
who is the cause of my trembling these days?
who is the cause of the causality in my body?
is he a "what", or is he a "who"?
Lord, may I never know, he seeps into my skin like jasmine
am i a "who", or am I a "when"?
never have i breathed in a bed so dark,
(hallelujah)
or seen the sky lit just so;
the smoke and the lies (one same separate changed twisting tangling entwined twisting twisting)
spill lazily from my lips to meet the ground with pride;
the object of my idolatry sleeps without a stir
until he rests his eyes for slumber, the sickening truth to be sure
My last intention is to be harsh or cruel, but there you have it
and oh, he is cruel
...hallelujah
what I wouldn't give
(where to be begin, the question goes)
to bury my tongue in this spot,
to bind it to the shadow of a spectre
or to one of the forgotten gods so that I may, too, forget
hallelujah...
who is this deity in the kitchen who ignores my kisses and leaves me to my breath?
who is this shell that feels he has the right to touch my face?
and in my shame, I cannot help but smile in ecstasy
A joy from the deep, a desperate and aching Need,
a chasm in chest and in heart, a chasm that hangs in the air with our pretense of conversation
hallelujah
i weep, I pray, I moan, i am empty
I come to him with my naked body ready for the worshiping
and he looks at me like he has never seen me
hallelujah
and he holds out his hand to Me, and for a moment I am rested
but i am weak and weary
and i am never satisfied
but I scream my praises to the night
while i roam the halls of my mind crying out and ripping my hair
and i know not why.
...hallelujah.
hallelujah.
hallelujah.