Feb 2015
Everyday we struggle to find peace within us.
Everyday we try to make things work out.
Everyday we stress ourselves over things that didn't work for us.
Everyday we try to find solutions for it.
And everyday we hope to solve one day at a time.
At 3 A. M., when it's calm and quiet.
I lie awake, alone in my room.
All sorts of things come and enter my mind.
Like a speeding f1 race car.
Laying long tracks of happenings in my life.
When I should be sleeping,
My mind wakes me up and forces me to piece together my shattered life.
It wills me to seek answers to my simple yet unanswered questions
And to find motivation and purpose in this tiring cycle of crap throw at my face.
3 A.M.; there it is again. It comes crashing to my head.
All those that has been said and done.
All those which cannot be brought back.
Those broken friendships and failed relationships.
Those remarkable and irrational reasons given to me.
And how stupid I was for just accepting it.
At 3 A.M., I think about things that can't be changed.
And how it amuses me so much I totally forget that I was the one jeopardized.
I think about the times when I should've taken action; but I didn't.
Those times when I should've let out my side; but just smiled.
Times when anger took over; I just didn't want to talk.
And now I wonder, if this things didn't happen
Would I be happier?
Would I be contented with what's happening?
Or would I wish that it will be just like what it is now?
One day, after a seemingly quick but a long drink, I realize.
My life is so much better not knowing why.
I am successfully living my life
Peacefully contented with everything
But without those people who made me feel not worthy of even just a good reason.
I can't stop thinking. I lie awake until 3 A.M..
I don't know how to make my thoughts stop, so I figured a solution.
I wrote you a letter which goes like this:
"Hi. How are you? It's been a while since we last talked. Our friendship ended up with a cheap spat. How are you with him? Going strong? I hope you realize why I got mad. I lost control. Until now I can't figure out your reasons. It just doesn't fit in. But I accepted it anyway. So let's move on. I want you to know that I'm happy for you guys. I know that you're in good hands cause I experienced it myself. But please don't try and question about whatever's happening now. It is a consequence of your choice. I hope you understand that it comes with the package.
Forgiveness? It happened way before. But forgiving and forgetting isn't exactly what I stand for. All things come flashing back whenever we cross paths. So I think that this will take a very long time to fix. And before I forget, I'd like you to pass this message from me to that guy. "Don't try to redo that stupidity you've done to me because the extent of your damage is unimaginable.I am still mad at you. But, on the other hand, I thank you for doing that, because now I know who would stand up for me and who wouldn't. You also extended the line of friendships for me. And with that I thank you."
That's it. I hope you found answers to your questions."
Now at 3 A.M.
Though nothing is ever enough, I think that it will suffice.
Everyday we try to make things work out.
Everyday we stress ourselves over things that didn't work for us.
Everyday we try to find solutions for it.
And everyday we hope to solve one day at a time.
At 3 A. M., when it's calm and quiet.
I lie awake, alone in my room.
All sorts of things come and enter my mind.
Like a speeding f1 race car.
Laying long tracks of happenings in my life.
When I should be sleeping,
My mind wakes me up and forces me to piece together my shattered life.
It wills me to seek answers to my simple yet unanswered questions
And to find motivation and purpose in this tiring cycle of crap throw at my face.
3 A.M.; there it is again. It comes crashing to my head.
All those that has been said and done.
All those which cannot be brought back.
Those broken friendships and failed relationships.
Those remarkable and irrational reasons given to me.
And how stupid I was for just accepting it.
At 3 A.M., I think about things that can't be changed.
And how it amuses me so much I totally forget that I was the one jeopardized.
I think about the times when I should've taken action; but I didn't.
Those times when I should've let out my side; but just smiled.
Times when anger took over; I just didn't want to talk.
And now I wonder, if this things didn't happen
Would I be happier?
Would I be contented with what's happening?
Or would I wish that it will be just like what it is now?
One day, after a seemingly quick but a long drink, I realize.
My life is so much better not knowing why.
I am successfully living my life
Peacefully contented with everything
But without those people who made me feel not worthy of even just a good reason.
I can't stop thinking. I lie awake until 3 A.M..
I don't know how to make my thoughts stop, so I figured a solution.
I wrote you a letter which goes like this:
"Hi. How are you? It's been a while since we last talked. Our friendship ended up with a cheap spat. How are you with him? Going strong? I hope you realize why I got mad. I lost control. Until now I can't figure out your reasons. It just doesn't fit in. But I accepted it anyway. So let's move on. I want you to know that I'm happy for you guys. I know that you're in good hands cause I experienced it myself. But please don't try and question about whatever's happening now. It is a consequence of your choice. I hope you understand that it comes with the package.
Forgiveness? It happened way before. But forgiving and forgetting isn't exactly what I stand for. All things come flashing back whenever we cross paths. So I think that this will take a very long time to fix. And before I forget, I'd like you to pass this message from me to that guy. "Don't try to redo that stupidity you've done to me because the extent of your damage is unimaginable.I am still mad at you. But, on the other hand, I thank you for doing that, because now I know who would stand up for me and who wouldn't. You also extended the line of friendships for me. And with that I thank you."
That's it. I hope you found answers to your questions."
Now at 3 A.M.
Though nothing is ever enough, I think that it will suffice.
