all of these unsaid words are beginning to leave paper cuts on the inside of my cheeks. i would write them down & mail them to you but every time i pick up a pencil to do it, i keep coughing up envelopes without return addresses.

i have bruises on the insides of my eyelids from always seeing you in my dreams. you come so close to me that i can feel the heat between us. it's one of those dreams that when you wake up, you question whether it was really a dream or real life. that's how real it feels but you're so blurry. like i must be looking through tear-filled eyes. i look so closely & focus so hard trying to get the blurs out of your image but i ******* can't. i can never do it.

i have burn marks underneath my fingernails from always reaching for things that scorch me. i can practically see the ******* flames but i always reach anyway, why don't i learn? this may sound crazy but sometimes i wish that someone else would hurt me so i wouldn't be standing here all alone, still the only one responsible for all of my own scars.