I never meant to look like a ***** floor

I bend the laws of physics when I ask mirrors to change my own reflection

Have this ugly soul

pushin’ all my ugly buttons

Doubled  back on my last straw so many times

I’m pullin’ splintered strands of yellow

From my backstab wounds

Got prickly bits of blonde  

Sticking out from the places I missed

They healed there

Got shards of my own teeth in my tongue

Puncture holes in my lungs

Makes it hard to breathe sometimes

‘cause I am still healing

Don’t call me good

Or handsome

Or patient

I do everything I can to sabotage the love you give

Not that I don’t want it

I am just not ready

One time you told me I should love as often as I breathe

So I starting breathing as often as I love

And I almost die in the intervals between our phone calls

Grace is you lightening the pressure on my drowning head

Patience is me staying under when you do

God is a child with a finger pointed at my heart and laughing

And you are an angel when you turn out the bathroom light

So that I stop hating my own reflection

Remind me that we are defined by more than the choices we make

That I might still have all the scars from the cancer

And the fistfights

And that one time I tried to end it all too early

But this heart beats more than just a war drum

It beats a ******* army

Can hear it like giant rumble footsteps

Can hear it finally change directions

Away from all the chaos

Shattering mirrors below my heart feet

So much glass glittering

Looks like a river

Too many pieces to reflect anything but the sky

Reminds me

I am not done healing