Every once in a while,
Something strange happns.
I dream.
Sometimes, I’m not asleep.
Dreams are everything you want, but just can’t have.
I dream of the past.
I go through old notebooks amd folders, work that has consumed hours of my life.
It reminds me of happier times.
So, I sit on the floor and I dream.
Every once in a while.
I have courage.
I build up the strength to sit and listen as I'm told everything i'm not and everything I could be, or at least could have been.
I build up courage to talk when all my throat and mouth wants me to do is shut up.
Every once in a while,
I can't take any more.
The tears run down my face for reasons unknown to myself and the rest of the world.
I am a shell.
Empty.
Void of anything remotely human.
I put earbuds in to make myself look busy, but no music is playing.
I listen as people around me question me and my existence as I sit and pretend not to hear.
Every once in a while, regaurdless of all the displeasures,
I don't mind and I am happy.
These periods are more brief, so I grasp them tightly as they begin to fade and try to hold on.
On one of these rare occasions, I found love.
and every once in a while,
they tell me they love me.
And from that every once in a while...
I feel Joy.