even i myself don't understand some things as they come...
even the actions and reactions i produce...
i don't usually say things or comment on events or react on commotions...
i act plain and casual...
as if though i just don't care for anyone or anything at all...
but i do...
and when i start to recognize my feelings...
they come and go as often as the wind blows...
destroys the composure i have kept...
and eats up everything i have set aside for...
and ends up with nothing at all...

there are people who don't open up that easily...
there are people who don't give you a piece of them...
there are people who don't give their trust to anyone...
there are people who don't stay with you for long...
and i was one of them...
before...
i enclosed myself...
kept away from anyone...
refrained from any relationship...
played safe...
avoided pain...

then came a time i opened up...
i shared...
i gave whatever i can...
i felt pain...
i learned...
i see things as they were never before...
got open to ideas which i never thought had existed before...
i became "normal", i guess...

pain though is inevitable...
the more you free yourself...
the more you show who you are...
the more you share what you've got...
the more you care...
the more you keep people close to your heart...
the more know about others...
the more attached you get...
the deeper it hurts in the end...

guess why i got so protective with myself in the beginning...
i was afraid of getting hurt...
afraid of the harsh and rude world outside...
and the greatest fear i had all along...
rejection...
i covered up...
got separated from what is real...
ran away from the world...
stayed with a few...
and hid from the crowd...