Don't speak the lingo
Or wear the disguise
Don't listen to thin girls
Comparing their thighs
Preparing compromise
With slaves in suits
And silken ties

Don't bow to the pressure
To hanker and crave
Cos that ninety inch plasma
Won't fit in your grave
And gosh you need a shave
Polish your boots
Now smile and wave

Don't look in the mirror
And pick out the flaws
Don't steam your ******
Or botox your jaws
Never, on any account, watch Jersey Shores
Always expect
The hidden clause

The lies are entangled
Like thickets of briar
And the evidence lost
Or mislaid, or on fire
So justice is for hire
To the biggest perv
And the richest liar