My words are repeating themselves, I'm forgetting how to write
Like I've closed my mouth for too long, only opening to receive
I swallow insults from the front and back
Worst *** in the world.

I grasp the pipe in the bus, as if
I'll sink to the floor and towards people's ***** hands
Who watch me inside their heads as I'm blowing them
obediently
Even when I'm wearing my modest clothes.

These days a pretty girl is not won by honesty
everybody's understood that the words they're looking for have to be intriguing  
or hit a certain spot.
"You have sad eyes"
Yes. You're not the one who noticed it.

I was the one who followed their deprivation of joy
replacing what I once had with something I have
And will have more.
A shell, clotting blood forcing itself in the veins.
Protection.

Realizing that every vulnerability means abuse
Also understanding that it is my nature.
Every mask is obvious, I'll end um like my mother.  
I am the one who has noticed.

I'm going back to where I've been
I know the smell, the feeling
like an old lover it greets me and knows how to touch
freezes the blood, puts me in the corner
And yet

I often enjoy it.