Feb 2015
Dear Lover,
I knew the moment I felt everything. My friend was telling me of her moment, and I was taken back to my moment. My moment where everything was clear and I felt everything. It was when the orange glow warmed my skin and you showed yourself to me. You showed me when you laid on top of me and hugged me with your lips. I felt it when you showed me your thoughts and I read through them all like a thick novel printed in watermarked tears. I felt it when we saw everything through our haze of ***** and ****, but it was alright because I knew that I had today and it was beautiful.
I was excited for the night but you lived in your head and not in your heart. You resided in the dust, eternally wondering if the telephone lines were merely telephone lines or if your parents were trapping you into an infinite existence, making you turn to ash on your yellowed colored couch with the voices telling you to put the gun in your mouth. I felt it when you pulled from me like sweatshirt strings that are too long on one side and vanishing on the other. You pulled me away and cast me aside, under the unused springs for your bed and under the empty plastic bags where your coherent thoughts now lay.
I felt it when you taught me what the world was. I felt it as I traveled to you while the sun chased my shadows and the moon welcomed my embrace on the steps of your front door. I felt it. Because it's everything. I felt it when you finally left me, like I always said you would. Because I know you have succumbed to your voices and they have won. I know that you are living, eternally still. A dweller in the dust. And I won't say I miss you because it's everything. I know I will never find you now, because you have disappeared when I have so much to say, but you can't hear me with all the silence rushing in your ears.
Silence that is too loud.
It smells like death and sounds like relief because I am free from a silence I never knew was there. I have loved you and have hated you. I have lost you and found you. And now I wish to lose you again, because I am tired. I am tired of feeling everything, and I am tired of everything being clear. I want to be blind again. I want to smoke without wondering if I'll see your reflection in the smoke. I want to drink without wondering if I'll hear your voice residing under my ear. I want to write without wondering if you'll ever read it and feel the same way. I'm tired of wondering. So tired.
Remember even though I didn't give you my password, I still let you consume and destroy me.
A monster and his beauty with her body in a bed of thorns.
boomersooner
Me
I knew the moment I felt everything. My friend was telling me of her moment, and I was taken back to my moment. My moment where everything was clear and I felt everything. It was when the orange glow warmed my skin and you showed yourself to me. You showed me when you laid on top of me and hugged me with your lips. I felt it when you showed me your thoughts and I read through them all like a thick novel printed in watermarked tears. I felt it when we saw everything through our haze of ***** and ****, but it was alright because I knew that I had today and it was beautiful.
I was excited for the night but you lived in your head and not in your heart. You resided in the dust, eternally wondering if the telephone lines were merely telephone lines or if your parents were trapping you into an infinite existence, making you turn to ash on your yellowed colored couch with the voices telling you to put the gun in your mouth. I felt it when you pulled from me like sweatshirt strings that are too long on one side and vanishing on the other. You pulled me away and cast me aside, under the unused springs for your bed and under the empty plastic bags where your coherent thoughts now lay.
I felt it when you taught me what the world was. I felt it as I traveled to you while the sun chased my shadows and the moon welcomed my embrace on the steps of your front door. I felt it. Because it's everything. I felt it when you finally left me, like I always said you would. Because I know you have succumbed to your voices and they have won. I know that you are living, eternally still. A dweller in the dust. And I won't say I miss you because it's everything. I know I will never find you now, because you have disappeared when I have so much to say, but you can't hear me with all the silence rushing in your ears.
Silence that is too loud.
It smells like death and sounds like relief because I am free from a silence I never knew was there. I have loved you and have hated you. I have lost you and found you. And now I wish to lose you again, because I am tired. I am tired of feeling everything, and I am tired of everything being clear. I want to be blind again. I want to smoke without wondering if I'll see your reflection in the smoke. I want to drink without wondering if I'll hear your voice residing under my ear. I want to write without wondering if you'll ever read it and feel the same way. I'm tired of wondering. So tired.
Remember even though I didn't give you my password, I still let you consume and destroy me.
A monster and his beauty with her body in a bed of thorns.
boomersooner
Me
