You wonder if she realized how poisonous her palms were
because when cupping your waist
you could feel your heart sitting in your stomach
and every inch of skin she traced seemed to recede into your flesh
There is no cliche
in drunken stammers and 3 am phone calls
where you sob and ***** out your feelings to her voicemail
how you soon learn to recite her quirky voicemail
she refuses to respond
you refuse to look at yourself
every mirror in your house is broken
and your knuckles are ******
but you can't feel them because your chest
is playing hopscotch on a minefield
you soon learn there is no "we" in future
but there are two "u's" there to remind you they'll move on
while you're stuck in the same place
sobriety now becomes a tell tale fable you spew onto your mothers feet
you write suicide notes like they're journal entries
and swallow liqueur like water
you soon learn reality is worse than the nightmares you face each night
every anxiety attack cripples you
tell me how your bathroom floor has been there more for you
than your own best friend
tell me you scribbled her name onto your razor blades
and think of every cut and slash as a kiss from her
you have a cigarette between your fingers at doctors offices
and funerals
tell me how feel so at home
at a funeral
tell me how you've gone window shopping for caskets
and your tears now taste like her favorite alcohol
she refuses to pay you any attention
so with scraped knees
a sore heart
and arms looking like google maps
tell me about how the time you saw her smile
and you knew she'd be the death of you
tell her to write your suicide note for you
because you're too impatient to wait any longer
tell a room full of your closest relatives and friends
you don't want your life anymore
tell yourself it was worth it