when you're away
I starve myself for days
turn the lights down
lay my head and shut my eyes
hallucinate your face

when you're away
I see myself in the things I hate
in everything that surrounds
i search for ways to illuminate this maze

did you care at all
or was I your crutch
just lean until bones crunch
beneath
heavy words
heavy breaths
MY heavy heart

just kick me
cast me out
and dont pretend
don't **** with me
don't play that game
"I love you"
and you can't ever take that back

but i guess one night you did
and i'll never learn to clean up the mess
of my thoughts strewn across the floor
pages ripped out and torn
my veins picked and bleeding
eyes blackened and sore

******* for saying hello today
as we walked casually right on past
and ******* for saying goodbye