my mind moves faster than my mouth could ever hope to and i so often find myself in self-inflicted messes, embarrassed at my painfully apparent lack of finesse when it comes to crafting a phrase in a way that  actually makes sense. endlessly i stumble, dry mouthed, over meager words that could never accurately convey the hurricanes inside my brain, no matter the conviction with which i speak them. the war for stillness rages on in the chaos of my skull, shaken by tremors of memories like atom bombs. my mind is screaming but it's all in a language that i can't understand, no matter how hard i try. reduced to heaving sobs and irrevocable disgust for my inability to to speak due to the lack of air inside my lungs. thunder crashes and lightning flashes through my mind, looming in the form of opaque storm clouds above my bed. i am sinking, no, i am absolutely drowning, but there is no water around to be found for miles; so i guess that makes these waves my thoughts. and that must mean i waved goodbye to sanity's shorelines long ago.