I crave....an answer
validation...
a reason for my existence
...i crave someone who cares
...well validation
that i matter
i might seek poularity
***
men
boys
friends
...my parents
my family
God...
all just to get that
....and i feel abandoned
forsaken
...i feel alone
like i live in a world with just me in it
i feel as if im in the center of a room
full of ppl
but they seem a blur
and all i see is a room full of haters
doubters
....i see nothing
but i feel everything
i see haters but i feel the obligation to be kind
i fear my emotions
i fear...fear
i fear people
and i fear myself.....
i crave i day....
one ******* day
where i can wake up from the best sleep ever
..where i can accept my flaws
except life and its imperfectness
except me falling in front of everyone
except insecurity
except the world hating me...
and i want it to happen right now
my fingers shake of eagerness to have it
to have the rush of content
.....i want it
....how can i get it
...ive spent a year searching for it
..can i search it
is it here
is it right in front of me
...i want to say yes
but i dont ******* know
i dont...
and im so impatient
and my faith......
how can i have that
if im sad...
in a world full of happy people
....people telling you your worthless
a world full of surprises
a world...
a life....
its like i dont want to accept reality
i really cant
and my heart or my mind wants it so ******* badly
....i know i have to
but i know i cant force myself
ive learned that life....
the world
isnt a wish granting machine
you just are....
you feel what you feel
you are what you are
and it is what it is
....i guess thats life.....
huh