She pushes for me to live,
and she always has.
But it's hard to try and live
for someone who can't do it themselves,
and she doesn't want to.
Wrapping her lips around the filter end;
inhale,
exhale
cough cough
Oh how wonderful it is
to die.

And it's all I've ever known!
all I've ever seen,
but somehow, it is better
to end your life slowly
instead of all in one go.

I guess it's because
no one notices
when you slowly fade out,
but a whole bottle of Nyquil gone,
two lines on your wrists gashed--
it's too sudden.
Too much for your loved ones to handle.

But what about me?!
Watching the one who gave me life
take away her own without a second thought.
It makes you wonder about life's worth.
It made me wonder about mine
when the woman who made me
just threw hers away.
I really thought that suicide was the answer after a while,
because my mother could do it.

"But she's here, still alive."
But is she?
Am I?
She decided to **** herself when she was a teen,
and so did I,
but I backed out.
And she's been killing herself
for decades.