J'ai honte.
I am ashamed.

This guilt is all-consuming.
I don't know what I'm doing,
and I don't know
where this is going.
And whatever this feeling is,
it's growing,
swelling,
until I'm bursting.
Wanting
          to scream
          to cry
          to hide.
until this all goes away.
Far,
     far,
         away.

But it's not just going to disappear.
It* has nowhere to go.
I can't run away,
it will only follow.
This doesn't just concern me,
it affects the hearts I've borrowed.
And it opens up this emptiness,
like my own heart is hollowed.
I would that it were.
It's too full, pressure building,
the thoughts are pressing,
leaving hard impressions
on the insides of my skull.
Until it becomes too much,
and the secret that I've kept concealed
spills forth,
leaving me broken
and exhausted.
Drained.