There are times when I can feel my whole being sink through the tar that consumes my thoughts, an everlasting substance that surfaced when I was 14. One that I drowned in when I was 16. My stomach spends weeks churning within my body, threatening to throw bile to the back of my throat, and hot tears to my eyes. I can't inhale sharp enough to relieve the taste from my mouth. This cigarette doesn't do it justice.

There are times when I've decided that existing as a conscious being takes too much effort, and it would be so easy to wither away. Would value would spring forth from me while I seeped into the bed which I made?

I've watched you slip past me in a thousand lifetimes, and I still won't get this right.

My head is pounding with thoughts of your ex love, I see her face, perfect. Being haunted by my past has become so familiar when you're someone like me. There are no noises to drown out your own thoughts,. The flutter of my heart when I think of how you kiss my head before you go to work.

Except finding myself alone at night.
Luminescent screens projected within myself can't fill the void you opened in me.
I've never thought I could sink lower,
than bottom.