Maybe I've always had trouble trusting others because I couldn't trust myself. I always claimed to have good intentions but it's my nature to be a traitor and most of the time I will ******* over. But I swear to whoever that I'll always be your most caring lover. my actions will never illustrate my words and I wonder if that means I don't mean them. I feel the words so intensely in my bones, but you would never know. Expression has never been my forte. I can't understand my thoughts and I'm even worse at comprehending my own feelings. I'm the monster. I'm the numb and cold lover. I wish I would have found out who I was before I found out who you were. I wouldn't have let you get so ******* in someone who undoubtedly would hurt you. But what does that say about me? god what does all of this say about me? who am I now? what are morals and values and respect and love and genuine tenderness? I can't remember but I want to.