45.
I think I’m losing you, but I will never regret choosing you
I didnt make these choices, but i didnt help undo them
Maybe were not lost, were just misguided,
But if you were the liquor, id have you over and over and over again
Because its not the silence that will rip through my head
Its the idea that what ive written is left unsaid once again and again and again
So when we read words, we write what we truly experience
Even if theyre not spoken aloud, its like were hearing it
Because I am in pain, and for now that will be enough
And the ones around me convince me that I was the only person who was dumb enough to believe that you and I had hope.
But now I know even after you began to let your emotions slow the only reason I stood alone was because I was the only one who knew the real meaning on not letting go.

Everyone wanted me to see that we could not thrive, so gouge out my eyes.
Because if this is reality then I guess I’m not alive,
Because I don’t know a life in where I can’t make things right.
And when life teaches you to drive and you finally say goodbye
And you won’t let me stand by your side
Ill know that though some feelings are hurt, none will have died.
Cause I used to stay up at night and picture myself looking into your eyes
Shouting as you would sigh “how dare you think you can fall asleep with water dripping from the kitchen sink, how dare you think you can fall asleep with all these little leaks in this home we built in our dreams”
A picture is worth a thousand words or whatever people say to me.
It’s hard to believe when your mind is lost and in need,
And all you can picture is a memory inside of someone else’s sheets.
A prayer that nothing will keep,
A hope that light will seek before the dark sinks too deep.
Or at least the sinking feeling inside of me will decrease when the release of perceived dreams burn in the flame of feeling free.
So feel free to be free if that’s what you need.
And if someday you feel alone and everything caves in when you try to breathe, but cannot.
Because breathing takes too long, and death seems much closer.
Because the air is too thick, and your lungs just cant commit
To the re-appropriation of decisions made in false associations
Know that you are not alone as far as I can see,
Because you could speak to me, and though my tongue wont move
It doesnt mean, that im not listening, it just means, ive got things to say
But some things are not worth saying, theyre worth writing
Through this I have realized that if I were God we would have all just died,
Because i no longer feel blood coursing through me, i no longer feel alive inside
Being numb isnt a way of life, its a death sentence, and im at the end of my sentence, so end this.
And what good am I if all I can create is a projection of my own mind.
A dream of finding time to remind you that I’m still here and I’m not fine.
Maybe someday we can talk about ourselves and we can talk about the weather.
How December is cruel but January hasn't been any better.
I wrote you a letter, but i never sent it
So it sits on my desk, just waiting to be opened, and noticed;
Whenever you leave I don’t care what I’m remembered for,
I just want to be remembered.
Because even if I failed you at least I tried,
And if I had a chance I’d give you one last kiss and I’d bite down on your lip;
And I’d try to puncture it so you’ll never forget that time,
And honestly I know sometimes life will take a turn for the worst,
And sometimes life will even hurt.
And I know some days, some days you’ll be afraid of the lessons you’ll have to learn
And some days you’ll even feel burned,
And all that i have left are these words.

But I always get what I deserve.