I used to dream about a place filled
with things that other people forgot to love
all cramped up in cages
all for sale.
I go to the cash register that is
accompanied by a gruff old man with
***** finger nails and ****** knuckles
and i ask how much it is to buy the whole store.
He asks me why, while glaring at
my cherry halter dress and reading my chapped pink lips.
He snaps that only people who
never had the capacity to love in the first place
could possibly run the store.
I tell him that i want to love them all
and that is all i ever wanted
even though I'm just realizing this now.
I place my neatly groomed hands on his grimy countertop and
I tell him that when i get a hold of this place
ill let them all out of the cages
and water the plant
and feed the dogs
hug the humans
dress up the dolls
and wear all the jewelry.
He replies with a swift punch to the counter top too close to my open palms that have just now reached to hold his hands
This noise causes all the babies to start crying
and i am thankful that my mother hated me enough to never have another child
I cautiously take my hands back
and tell him that i never had anyone to give love to
and that i have enough to go around now.
His face changes from a stone frown
slowly to an evil grin and he begins to approach me.
He grabs my thin boney wrists and forces me into a cage that has a wilted flower in it
the cage is right next to an old woman.
I scream and shake the cage and tell him i have enough love.
He shakes his head and says
not enough to save yourself.
I cry and look down and see a raggity ann doll.
She has makeup smeared all over her sewed on lips
and i vaguely remember doing the same thing to mine
before i lost it under my bed
and before i gave up trying to look for her.
I run my fingers through her hair
and cry because i know now how easy it is to forget.