I feel it in my bones, the oncoming storm and the incoming pain and the onslaught that will be had.

Why do I do this? Why do I lwt this happen?

I'm trying so hard to be better, to be happy, but my stumbling feet can never run from the beast lodged in my heart.

Only a few things keep me sane anymore, only those I love keep me afloat. Otherwise I would have lost it years ago. I hate admitting that. I hate admitting how breakable I am. I want to be strong, but I was born with weak genetics.

I'm broken.

Fragile goods, an imperfect present in pretty wrapping, attracting people into the mess that is me. Why do I keep on tricking people? Why do I do this?

Why am I even sad? i don't know why The tears are falling doen my face but they are.

I compared myself to broken glass a long time ago, and I feel so much like it right now. Stabbing those I care about who get too close and making thrm bleed, but they tolerate it, maybe even enjoy it in the end. Why do they do that? I'm not worth that pain. No kne is worth that pain.

I want to be better but I simply hate myself more if I crash when I want so desperately to be someone else. Should I just accept this pain, accept this madness?

I don't know anymore.

I might never know.