i draw out the heavier sighs
they come out linear
now
torn out from my mouth
no longer huddled inside my chest
i think my mind is still processing
events from the year
earlier on
i started off in a haze
January where I stood in the biggest city in the world
1 million people around me
and dear god, all i thought about was you
but you were long gone
and let me know it
feb and march
i rolled the dice
with love
and it was overwhelming
the blonde swept me away
what can i say?
when i was in it, i was in
two afternoons, i was away from you
and i slept in a hotel room in Boise
where i thought all signs made sense
i was alive
i was willing
and maybe i'm romanticizing a bit
but *******, everyone in that town
is so gentle and welcoming
you weren't there
but i wanted you to
april and may
were long and drawn out
sequences i don't clearly remember
still loving and tender
but realities were setting in
june was caustic and a prelude
to the unsettling July
July- my life paused there then
July- may it always?
July-a reminder that I am human
and that i am humbled
by liars
that i may have been a liar too
once
August was a slow burning rebuild
i leapt off my feet in September
because i had found you
the only you
that should have mattered
but like all things
it takes a while for me
to understand
to realize
that i love taking the harder routes
apparently
apparently
i'm still leaning a lot of things
october was beautiful
lean
and full of new stories
new behaviors
a corn maze where i fell in love with you
your gentle hands pressing the map
directing me
november was a laso
wrapped around agendas
i could feel the burning
of december
i always hurt in this month
so much ending
of so much
ending
please go quietly
i am asking you nicely
you
the only you
i've ever known
i want to know
what it feels like
to enjoy
a whole year