A simple crash is all it took
To encourage a nervous and curious look
Into the bathroom where my mother lay
A blood bath around her, in the middle of the day.
*Oh honey, please just look away
You should not see this, please do not stay.*
Self-help never works, I could finally see
As she covered her tracks, her eyes never leaving me;
But the evidenced razor lied on the floor
And the pile of pills poured out by the door.
*Oh baby, please do not let your father know, too
He wouldn’t understand, the way that you do.*
And all of my words held deep inside
Hung on my tongue, my lips were dry.
All of the times you spoke only through words
Left me so confused, viewing life backwards.
*You are beautiful, and just so pretty
it is the inside that counts, don’t be so petty.*
Oh but momma, can’t you see
How do you expect me to love me?
When you have so much hatred towards yourself?
Enough to clear off the medicine shelf,
Enough to starve, binge, and purge;
You always told me to have some courage.
Enough to cut into yourself: thin and long lines;
You always told me, we would be fine.
But how could this painful sight be so?
Please bow now, mommy, an award for your show.