Elections serve to shed a light
on mental skill, our sorry plight,
and some may find it rather sad
that half of us are clearly mad,
but don't assume, as some folks do,
this means the others have a clue;
we'd get, the point should not be lost,
the same result if coins were tossed.

I got up this morning; what can I say?
The sun shone down on a beautiful day.
I sipped a nice coffee, enjoyed a nice burp,
the ground squirrels peeped and the birds were achirp.
The deer were all dapper.  The views were astounding.
Beside me my woman and red boy were bounding.
Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking.
No, I don't mean it and yes, I've been drinking.

I was home in my culvert; you know the one, friend;
saw a hungry Canadian face at each end.
Good thing I thought they might turn up the heat;
the snares that I set ****** them up by the feet.
Now, at long last, we've got something to eat
if you don't mind the taste of Canadian meat.

In some fields none deny,
Russian masters still loom high.
If popularity is the test
one artist stands above the rest.
The caps of the world, we reverently doff
to the great Mikhail Kalashnikov.

We heard it said since before there was time,
let the punishment fit the crime,
so if you do a crime of limited scope,
we'll hang you up with a limited rope.

Hey, it's the stone age; living's our job.
We're always busy, no spare time to rob.
I'm huntin' and daddin', you're farmin' and mommin';
don't need no stinking interests in common.

I'm sure you've observed it, that thing that they say:
Experience tends to just get in the way.
If I'm in the mood for philosophy talks
I don't go to scholars from Stanford or Ox;
I'll turn right around and go down to the docks
and get some philosophy out of the box.
I don't fool around with those **** engineers;
their time was just wasted to study for years.
I just grabbed a fellow out drinking some beers,
said I needed a rig that is spacious, and yet
can climb like a Willys and turn like a Vette.
He said he'd deliver December the third;
if there was a problem I'm sure I'd have heard.
And if I was feeling some pain pretty keen
from down by my liver or maybe my spleen
I'd talk to a fellow I met at the zoo,
say just cut in here, take a minute or two;
if you see a bad liver you'll know what to do,
and soon I'd be frisking around like a goat
and coming November, you know how I'll vote.