I thought about it for a while
Before I did it
Because I didn’t know how
I kept glancing at the scissors sitting
On my study table
Thought to get up to grab them
To hold its blade against my bare skin
In my mind I could feel the pain
Of what it would be like
Maybe it was because I was so hurt
And I just wanted to hurt others
The way they hurt me
So I rose from my bed
But I walked out the door
Walked into the bathroom
Opened the cabinet with aspirin
I counted them by fives as I took them
Ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five
Was it enough?
I walked back to my room
Slowly with hands still shaking,
And body trembling.
I pushed under the covers
And slowly dozed off to sleep.
The next morning would come
But I wouldn’t wake up
Everyone would yell from my bedroom door
But I wouldn’t move
They’d come to shake my cold body
And realize the difference
Between what I was and
What I am.
The morning sunshine broke
Through my window sill
And I slowly lifted my eyelids
It didn’t work.
Maybe it wasn’t enough
So maybe
I'll just have to try again tonight.