Just because you don't have it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
You pretend you know what it's like trying to live with this.

"You're just lazy, you don't want to do it. Just like your father."
I'm just scared, too heartbroken to push myself or even bother.

Social anxiety is a real thing you filthy ******* ****.
So is depression, stupid *****. So don't pull that stunt.

You say you know, that you've lived with it too. Obviously ******* not.
Not to the same degree since you've pushed farther than I've fought.

You admitted doing a ****** job trying to raise me, yet it's still all on me.
As if I'm just supposed to fix it in the blink of an eye, and set it all free.

Really? You think that's how this works? You think you know it all?
*******, *****. I hope you burn. Because I know it's all your fault.

Don't tell me you love me. Don't tell me your proud.
Don't tell me you support me when all you do is bring me down.

Opportunity strikes when you least expect.
Even when you feel you don't deserve it's respect.

When all seems lost and you can't see the light,
And all you have to go on is the hope that this is right.

Be strong. Be true. Cast away all the fear and doubt.
There's good in you. The darkness can't keep it out.

Be afraid of the failure, the weakness, and the end.
Embrace it not as the enemy, the obstacle, but as a friend.

Numb to the world, you can never get away.
Numb to your soul, you can never heal the pain.

This golden opportunity, a chance, a rebirth.
Provided by the Heavenly Father, not by this earth.

Though faith may be weak, and you feel that this is wrong.
Carry on with hope. For in truth, it won't be long.

"If anyone were to get a second chance, it'd be you."
Well I'm sorry I can't say the same. It wouldn't be true.

Truth is, I'd never consider you again. Only ever her.
The one that got away; was never really mine. Yeah. Her.

The one I fell in love with, who couldn't love me back.
The one who's life I nearly ruined; completely threw off track.

I'd give anything to have a shot. To try to make her happy.
But she's where she needs to be. And I just feel too ******.

She's with the one she truly loves, and that's where she'll stay.
I'm happy for her and for them, I don't want to get in the way.

I wish I could talk to her, I wish I could forget. Just let go.
I'll always wonder. Always dream. Shame, I'll never know.

I miss her smile, her voice, her touch. I'll never get to know.
But she's right where she ought to be. I have to just let go.

******, why have I forsaken You? What have I done?
I want to find my heart at the barrel of a gun.

I look for some happiness, but I need someone to hurt.
I wear this all over my sleeve. Hell it's the whole ******* shirt.

I find refuge in the parties. In the brothers and the *****.
It distracts me from the pain. Makes me think I didn't lose.

I find that happiness at the bottom of every bottle.
And that's certainly better than at the necks I want to throttle.

I'm almost afraid of being an alcoholic. But at least I'm still alive?
Am I alive? Really? Or just a broken husk? I definitely cannot thrive.

Thrive in this world of pain, hunger, and loss. Win what isn't there.
Hope, love, happiness, fulfillment. I'd look, but I don't know where.

Happiness at the bottom of the bottle, but at least I'm still here.
I don't even care if I fall in head first. At least I won't feel fear.

What happens when the phoenix doesn't rise?
What will come of his legacy, the day he finally dies?

Will it all have been for naught? Will it all have been in vain?
Would it matter how much he fought? Or how he handled pain?

What happens if he becomes mortal? A man covered in soot.
Wings burned away in ashes, and forced to walk on foot.

Is this man truly strong? Or like all else, will he be weak?
This fallen phoenix of hope and love, forced to become meek.

Will the gates ever again open for him? Or forever remain shut?
Has he lost his way to freedom? Or just simply down on his luck?

This one will not rise. And he may not carry on.
Who will really miss him, when his legacy is gone?

Back at home in the chains, mere flight was just a dream.
A childish thing of empty hope. Or at least, that's how it seems.

My fears have been made real. And in them, I've become whole.
My deepest wounds have healed by trusting in Him alone.

Three years today. Three years, I have fought.
I've been battered and worn. Sold and Traded. But finally, I've been bought.

I was purchased with blood, resurrected by grace, every time I fell.
I fought so hard, lost so much, and wandered through my own hell.

I never had the weapons I needed. Never had the strength I pursued.
Starving in mind, spirit, and flesh, I could never find any food.

Angels came along the way to direct me where to go.
To lead me back to the One I know. Leading me back home.

The road was long. The journey was far. Several times, I lost my way.
Even now, my destination is far. But I've finally seen the break of day.

In faith, I'm being remade. With love, I've learned to rebuild.
With what I've lost and rediscovered, my heart has been refilled.

How could I possibly flinch when I know that I've come so far?
Is it because of all the memories? Trauma from all the scars?

I can never think of what to do or even what to say.
The insecurities blind my path so I cannot find my way.

What was a golden opportunity now seems to have gone adrift.
The tide binds me forever still as I watch this forming rift.

Afraid that I'm not good enough or that this will surely fail,
I make my fears my reality and I'm not strong enough to prevail.

If I just had a faint glimpse of what it is I'm supposed to do,
I could rise up against myself and not be so terrified of you.

I know how you feel, I've been in your shoes. But patience won my heart.
So now, I pray that your patience remains. That this won't just fall apart.

But how will I go on til then? How can I spare myself more pain?
How do I overcome this doubt and grow to be unafraid?

What would it be like to not be weighted down by fear?
To lift up off the ground, and fly anywhere but here?

To defy gravity at it's core, is the most amazing thing I dream.
But fear is what tethers me to this world, is the way it seems.

In the split seconds that I've cast it aside, I feel like I'm flying.
I feel at home in this world. Strong and courageous. It's undying.

Even now, I still soar above the clouds. I don't have to look down.
No matter the outcome, I've won, for I'm no longer pinned to the ground.

Through all of the darkness that has arisen, I finally see some light.
I can see a resolution. I see myself rising up through Christ.

And should I fail, I've still overcome. For I am no longer afraid.
Unafraid of what I don't know, and accepting of what comes each day.

I imagine this feeling is what it's like to be unchained. Free enough to fly.
It's what I've waited for since my birth. I've anticipated living my life.

Day after day, I watch as you pass me by.
Always afraid to speak, even if only to say "hi."

My stomach sinks when our eyes meet.
I'm shaken to my core, unstable on my feet.

If I could just squeak out a simple hello, I might be fine.
Instead, I gaze awkwardly in torment, barely able to smile.

Whenever you've passed by, I feel my hope slip away.
As if I'll never speak a word to you; failing day by day.

It kills me to be so weak, to not go after the things I want.
It's like I'm ******* in a web. I feel so helplessly caught.

Will I ever be brave enough to speak? Or forever remain mute?
Always terrified of failure, I've not the strength for pursuit.

I feel like a wall without mortar; too fragile to push, too strong to move.
Both outcomes are the same. I'm so terrified, I always lose.

Am I truly free? Or am I still enslaved?
Enduring sleepless nights, dead through half the day.

The bonds and chains were broken. In Christ, I'm alive.
Yet I hesitate in fear, only to pretend to live in my mind.

Every scenario, good and bad, all play throughout my dreams.
But when will I finally gather the courage to face all of these things.

When will I release? When will I unbound myself from fright?
When will I see this through? I desperately await the day that I might.

I'm so sick of all the secrets, of all the little white lies.
I'm sick of holding myself down, of restraining my every cry.

Dear God, give me strength! Another way to be strong.
Permit me to prove to myself that I won't be weak for long.

Lord, please be with me as I endure this struggle. I need you here and now.
I feel like a slave to fear. I cannot live my life. I feel I'm fading out.

I've always wondered why I'm here. What's my reason?
What was I created for? My existence feels out of season.

All I want to do is help, but this world would have me destroy.
Every step I take, impeded. And I feel so annoyed.

But every time I let You work, I feel like I'm in place.
Every time You work through me, I see my true face.

I hear a call, but I'm not sure if it's really you.
A call to do Your work, but is this call true?

Lord, I've heard You. And I submit. For You, I give up my life.
Take my body, cleanse my soul. This heart was never truly mine.

I answer Your call with a reverberating "Yes." For You, I die.
I learn to spread these wings again. God, I promise I will fly.

I may be scared day to day, but I know You'll lead me straight.
And I will follow Your inevitable will with my undying faith.

How many times will I lie and say I'm fine?
Put a smile on my face and pretend I'm alright.

No one knows the difference. I'm too good to fail.
Who will see through the mask? See that I am frail.

I'm so afraid to ask for help. Too proud to tell the truth.
Yet I want so badly to try. But I'm far too hesitant to move.

Every lie just piles up with the others. Always bringing me down.
I feel like the king of sorrow. The scars inside are my crown.

I wish someone would find me here and pull me from this hell.
I wish I wasn't so proud and afraid. All I want to do is yell.

I'm not sure where to turn anymore, and I honestly don't care.
I hate my own apathy. I'm so tired of the fact that I'm scared.

But oh, how I lie. I pretend that I'm still fine.
As if no pain surrounds me. Truth is, I wish I could die.

How long will I refrain, and sacrifice my heart?
Afraid to let love in. Terrified I'll be marred.

Hesitating from every whim, I freeze and then I flee.
Thinking it's impossible for someone's love to ever find me.

I want it but I don't. My heart always seems to break.
I lose myself and all control, and quickly become fake.

But why am I so scared? Why is this fear so strong?!
Why am I always running, instead of continuing on?

Someone always takes my place whenever I lock up.
Always feels like I've lost a race and lost the right to love.

I follow my heart, wherever it leads. But I fear it's going to break.
So I hold back and hesitate, sure that it's my certain fate.

So when will I finally give it my all? When will I stand up and try?
When will I finally say what I want, and finally **** all of the lies?

He stands alone, because all he sees is pain.
He falls to his knees, defeated, surrounded by the rain.

He wanders aimlessly, unsure of who he is. Fighting to get by.
So many answers to a single question. "God.. Who am I?"

"You are a vessel for my love", the truth that rings loud and clear.
"Me? Why? Couldn't you find someone better? Someone without fear?"

He doesn't feel strong enough. Not ready for what's to come.
Too impure to save. Too lost and confused to truly love.

And maybe he is. Maybe he's broken, confused, lost, and dark.
But His eyes still fall upon him, running. No matter how far.

So I answered the call. Completely unable to escape.
And I'm scared every day. Deathly afraid that I'll fail.

We live like we're broken, unworthy, and lost. And, well. Maybe we are.
But isn't it beautiful, the way we break our hearts? The way we fall apart?

I sink to the bottom, I float back to the surface.
I can't stay in one spot. It makes me so nervous.

I don't care if I stay afloat. I don't even care if I drown.
I'm just tired of feeling anchored. Bobbing up and down.

Just one person. That's all it would really even take.
One kind soul to rescue me. An honest heart. One not fake.

And I wish this angel would find me. Unbind me from this anchor.
I wait for hope to embrace me. Love, to release me from this hurt.

A friend would make this simpler. To be wanted, I'd feel fine.
Anything to not walk alone. A heartbeat and footstep other than mine.

And I know I'm not alone. I haven't been at all.
I've always had One walk with me. To catch me as I fall.

But when will I find someone here? Someone TANGIBLE, as well as true.
A friend that I can touch. A soul I can love. An honest heart. But who?

I'm done with the whining. I'm beyond done with tears.
I'm done with feeling sorry for myself year after freaking year.

What have I even got to be upset over? What's left that's bad?
Everywhere I go, I'm happy. I'm not even the faintest bit sad.

Honestly, yeah I wish it was different. Wish things hadn't ******.
But really? Everyone's better off. We've ended this string of bad luck.

Yeah, I'll always miss it. Those stupid times that made us laugh.
But I've got so much waiting ahead. No good being stuck in the past.

Truthfully, a part of me will always wonder "What if I'd just stayed?"
And I already know the answer. I'd have always been betrayed.

So here I am, reminiscing with love, hope, and grace.
Not whining about the past, tears staining my face.

Honestly, I know I'll never forget. Time can't destroy the memories, all.
Honestly, I won't remember. Time heals all bones broken from the fall.

The flood gates break free and in anger I nearly drown.
Depression sets in as the waves finally begin to die down.

Hopelessness rises up. Confusion, pain, loss.
Feelings grow worse and I hope that I'm wrong.

I'd rather not say what I think. None of it really matters.
I don't need you; you don't need me. It drags me down faster.

You're no good for me and I just can't save you.
So I'm just stepping out. God will show me what to do.

Of course! I still have to pray for you. If not, it'd be a sin.
I may be done with you and this. But my God still lies within.

Maybe you'll be saved. And who knows? Then you'd be good for me.
But I can't lead you there. I'm just not good enough to set you free.

I just can't stop the flood. So I guess I'll be forever wading.
And forever I'll be watching. Praying.. Hoping... Waiting....

I look around, and I see no one else.
It's always just me, surrounded by myself.

Some would call this hell: living in such seclusion.
But I am surrounded by simplicity; not by confusion.

I'm not really alone. Presence of grace lies in every nook.
The love of my God is visible in every place that I look.

I may be all by myself. "Trapped in this place"
But with my faith around my neck, I feel safe.

It reminds me of who I am. Reminds me my suffering's done.
Reminds me of the kid I used to be. And the man yet to come.

The homes I was raised in shine in every detail.
And I know He is with me. With Him, I won't fail.

So am I really alone when no one else is around?
Because I can hear His voice when there are no other sounds.

I am the moved; the unmovable rock.
Born out of darkness with a Brightest Heart.

But my eyes have been opened, and I am yours.
I have been saved! I am your unmovable force.

I surrender my life. It was a life that shouldn't be mine.
And I will surrender to you. For my savior, I will die.

I will spread your love. My last breaths shall be of Your Word.
I will no longer be slave to the enemy. Tonight, I wage war.

War on myself, war against this world of which I am not a part.
I am moved. Tonight, I become your unmovable rock.

My emptiness has died. I will forever be a soldier of My God.
I will take up arms against the darkness. We will bring a new dawn.

Brothers and sisters, it is time to answer His Call; our time is now.
He who leads us cannot be beaten. With Him, we cannot fall down.

I am not ten feet tall and bullet proof..
Despite my every attempt, I don't know what to do.

I am weak, I get lost, I fall down, and I feel pain..
And every single day, I get back up again.

I hide behind music, I pretend that I don't care..
But no matter how far I run, You are still there.

You give me the strength that I can't find.
You fill me with Your love when I can't handle life.

I am not ten feet tall and bullet proof. Though someday, I will be.
When I become as strong as a rock, and know You're with me.

When I feel Your fire which burns as hot as a million suns.
And when I can finally show the same love as Your Son.

I will be ten feet tall and I will be bullet proof.
I will be a testament to Your love. I will know You.

Sometimes.. I wish I was still dark. Wish I hadn't been saved.
And sometimes... I wish I could hold on to all of this pain and rage.

But I'm not myself when I follow that darkened path.
I can't deny who I am. Despite my attempts, it never lasts.

I always felt this day would come. The day I wanted it back..
The day I missed the darkness. When I could finally accept the past.

Sometimes I wish I could find myself. Others, I wish I hadn't begun.
Sometimes I feel both... And all that makes me want to do is run.

I wish I was better at writing music. It makes me feel so alive.
But I can't find out who I am. And I really don't know why..

I'm not really feeling any pain.. God took that away from me.
And though it doesn't hurt, I still feel like I'm not yet free.

Sometimes.. I wish I could talk to you. Just **** it up and try.
And sometimes... I wish I was still dark, so that I wouldn't hate to lie.

Yeah, I'm still writing. It reminds me that I'm still alive.
That I haven't given up. I haven't surrendered to the knife..

Somehow, I'm still here. These sheets haven't been stained red.
I keep fighting. I keep struggling. I haven't surrendered to death.

And I haven't given in. I haven't tried to break my friends.
I haven't shared the pain. I haven't surrendered to the darkness.

I've given warnings, and a very small taste of what's yet to come.
I've retained my longest promise.. I haven't surrendered my love.

I'm keeping this fire burning. The monster continues his fight.
And though I'm right there with him.. I haven't surrendered my life.

I've thought up my revenge. I've contemplated all the many ways.
But I keep them all in my head. I haven't surrendered my faith.

Yeah, it breaks me to remember all of the times that I have cried.
But I still have strength left. Because the sweet surrender is denied.

I'll lay here and pray... Maybe it'll go better than it did at church..
Where I knelt and cried in front of the whole world. Finally admitted I hurt..

I'm not ten feet tall and bullet proof, like I so desperately wish...
God, take this pain.. Take these tears.. I hate feeling like this....

I'm praying to you through my writing. Something I've never done..
But.. I know that it will come from my heart.. Which I have kept shut...

Maybe I deserved this.. I should have been a better son..
I should have listened to you more... Shouldn't have been all about fun....

Every sin still lingers in my mind.. They haunt me every day....
And I've confessed more than once... I wish I could obey......

But I'm so weak, as I'm sure you know.. I feel like I'm not enough...
I'm not strong... I'm again a fallen angel... Falling away from your love..

I stand here today, so far from the same. It's hard to move on without you..
So, my God, fill these spaces left in me.. I'm so near to lost, but I'm not alone...

Why did I keep trying, when I knew how it would end?
I knew you'd never choose me. It was always my best friend.

Why did I let myself feel something? Why didn't I just shrug it off?
Why can't I let it go? And why the **** do I have the urge to call?

I know it won't do any good. I'd just try to hurt you.
I'd just manipulate you and **** with your head. An outlet to abuse.

There's nothing I haven't already said. Yet still, I could write a book
Of all the things I want to to say to you. And I doubt you'd ever look.

Just like with these poems. I doubt you'll care enough to check.
But if he was the one writing... You'd hang on to every word he said.

I desperately wish we'd never kissed. Hell, I almost wish we'd never met.
I definitely wish we'd never ****** in my car. Wish we'd NEVER had ***.

Those moments on the stage, in my car, your room. All so meaningless.
And I wish I could see and hear you cry. But you're still my best friend.....

Ya know, I really don't believe a word you've said.
I keep running over the lies and secrets floating in my head.

You say you wanted everyone happy and not for me to hurt.
Then why didn't you back the *******, instead of continuing to flirt?

You two spent so much time alone, and you knew what it would do.
You knew you'd cheat on your fiance. And you knew I'd want to hurt you.

Ross Baldwin, what the ****? Are you really just that dumb?
Yes, I'll use your real name. Because I straight up don't give a ****.

I hope everyone you know finds this, and I hope that they see
Just how badly you ****** up. I'm tired of letting you be.

This is my passive attack. ***** me again and I'll make sure they find this.
You're my best friend and I'm not taking this ****. I'm tired and I'm ******.

If you leave your fiance for her, you better run and hide.
Because I'll pay everything back. You'll burn for every time you two lied.

Dear God, I feel so empty; hopelessly lost.
Despite my promises, I've become who I'm not.

What is it that You want? Why can't I stop being in pain?
I can't even hold a girl's hand without fear of hurting again.

I feel the darkness rising. Rising up to meet this threat.
The threat of being alone. The feeling of being dead.

I can't stop wishing for them to hurt as badly as I.
And it wouldn't even take much. I wouldn't have to lie.

Just throw the truth out there to all who don't know.
That he's a cheating *******, and she's just his *****.

Yet still, they're my best friends. Even being as ****** as I am.
I can't see them any more positively. But still, they're my friends.

I want them to hurt like I do. I want for them to understand.
I want them to know how I feel. And they will, by my hand.

I asked for someone I could love. Someone to hold dear.
Someone to help me rise above. To remind me that You're here.

I wanted someone that I could make happy. I wanted somebody new.
I wanted a love that was fresh. I wanted a love based around You.

And well.. We'll work on that last part. All things in due time.
I feel privileged to be writing with pleasure woven into the rhymes.

Is this what I've waited for? Is this the answer to my prayers?
Are You finally allowing me to not be alone? I've been so scared..

Scared of myself. Scared of the world. I've been so confused.
But now there is no fear. I sit and write, knowing there's no more abuse.

And I am holding onto you until I crash into the ground.
Knowing You'll never let me go; never let me down.

I'm listening with my heart. I can feel your love from my cross.
And it cleanses all of this pain. I'm finally home in Your arms..

Why have I not fought? Why do I just keep giving up?
Just writing it off as though it'll never work out. My bad luck.

I'm tired if sitting idly by. Tired of this passive approach.
Tonight I am done hiding. I'm through with being alone.

I'll fight for whatever comes my way. Time to take a stand.
I WILL NOT sit in the darkness. I'm taking my light back.

I don't care how hard I fight or how many times I fail.
I'm done with not even trying in the simplest of ways.

I'm taking my heart back. My strength is a virtue.
It's something I've held dear. And I know my strength is true.

I'm not gonna hide anymore. It's just not me.
I'm throwing away the chains. Time to fight to be free.

Free from mental burdens. From my imagination.
This phoenix rises in flame. And casts away all damnation.

Every time I look at her, I think back to that night on the stage
When we stood there for an hour with a kiss that felt like days.

I remember the nights in my car. Most especially one..
When she told me she felt something too. I didn't feel so dumb..

But it seems she feels more for him than she ever will for me.
My best friend. And now I feel like I'm running away.

I'm not sure I can accept my decision. The one to let her go.
I know we both agreed to. But somehow, I still just don't know..

It's not like it matters. I could never have her anyway.
She has too many issues to work out. And I can't just sit and wait.

I'm doing it again. Being snippy; turning into a ****.
And I really don't want to. I hate treating her like dirt.

But is it really so simple? Can I really just take my words back?
Should I tell him to get over it? Should I fight for something at last?

This fight will not be fought. We know who would win.
I know I would lose. And we may no longer be friends.

It's always you and her. I just happen to be there.
I know that's not what you want. I know that you two care.

You'd rather just be with her. She'd rather just be with you.
I just happen to be there. Everyone knows it's true.

She picked you already. She'd only ever SETTLE for me.
So before I **** anything up, I think I should flee.

I'm afraid to speak my mind; tell you to back off.
Tell you it bothers me when you two don't stop.

I don't know why I ever let myself care. Why I let this happen.
I knew it wouldn't go anywhere. Not even as a backup.

Only a couple more weeks, and I can just be gone.
I don't have to be a third wheel. I won't have to just watch.

Every time I'm happy, it dies right away.
It never seems to last for more than a few days.

But I've fought so hard. And I've given so much.
I just long for some peace. Long for Your touch.

God, what must I do? What else is there to prove?
Have I not shown I will not fade and never be moved?

My faith has grown weak, but I still trust in You.
And I'll follow along Your path, if You tell me what to do.

It's not my plan. It never truly was. It was always Yours.
I know what I want. But I also know what You want more...

I rise and I fall. I don't know how much more I can take.
Hot and cold. But I know my love and faith will never be fake.

I leave this with You. I know what I want.
But it's ultimately Your plan. You know how much I've fought.

Inch by inch, the mask returns.
With each passing day, a stronger fire burns.

I almost don't care if I ever come back.
If the monster never dies; if I ever become Matt.

I'm just tired of hurting people. Tired of killing myself.
Tired of people who don't care. I just need some help.

I don't like using you. I actually happen to like you.
Yes, I was lying every single time I said it wasn't true.

Every "meaningless" kiss, I felt something you do not.
When you're around, I'm alright; away, I'm lost.

I'm not sure how to fix it. I just want us to be friends.
I have too many feelings you don't. And I want that to end.

But should I even let you know? Should I keep it to myself?
Not sure what to do. I just know I need some help...

The floodgates have broken free. I am not who I was.
With darkness and rage spilling forth, I've forgotten how to love.

Every emotion feels wrong. As if they don't belong to my heart.
I feel a monster rising within. And it means to split me apart.

Calm and serene. That was always my goal.
But they drift farther away, as I become more unwhole.

Every little spark ignites into a roaring flame.
How do I put it out? Will I ever be the same?

People have become objects to me. Even most of my friends.
And I just use and abuse them. I wish I could see an end.

"I don't like her", "I can get over you", echo in my mind.
I pretend it's untrue... And I wish I could understand why.

Forever gone, the lights have left my eyes. I feel I have died.
And the feeling grows stronger with every new echoing lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I feel like that was a mistake..
To stir up all that ****, and to promptly run away.

Maybe I was a little hasty; should've given it more thought.
Maybe I should've remembered the past; all the lessons it taught.

But do I reach out and admit it? Or continue on as is...
Do I ask you for help? Or keep struggling within....

How do I tell the others that I've pushed you out and hidden?
They'd know it was a bad idea without knowing any of what I've written.

Can I even say I'm sorry, confused, lost, and need help?
I'm not sure I can even admit it to you. Much less, to myself.

I want to be ten feet tall and bullet proof. But deep down, I know I can't.
I want to be a testament to His love and mercy. Deep down, I feel I can't.

Help? Please? I know that I was wrong. I didn't need to go..
I'm just so confused. But I know you can help. And that's all I need to know.

Running away feels wrong. Like I've given up without a fight.
But it makes it feel okay. Being gone makes it feel right.

I hate to disappear, when I know we could have been okay.
But I couldn't take the pain I was feeling every single day.

I'm sorry I left you hanging. Tossed you out to dry.
But I just keep growing weaker, and I know you're why.

I don't know that I'll ever be good enough to be your friend.
But I so desperately hope that this night is not our end.

I lay here, praying to God, looking for some help
I just want to be okay. Just dig out of this Hell.

I gotta let you go. I can't love you anymore.
I'm not strong enough. Tonight, I close the door.

I hated starting that fight. And I hate to run and hide.
I'm sorry. I love you. And again, I'll say goodbye....

Where can I run? Where can I hide?
When everything's wrong, and everything dies.

Why do I come second? Why do I feel?
Why can't I just die? Everything's too real.

Where is the darkness for me to escape?
I need to run away before it's too late.

Will I ever stop falling? Ever just break apart?
I could pick myself up and completely restart.

Will I ever find grace? Will I ever truly live?
Or just suffer in the darkness; death looming within.

What do I do now? How do I go on?
When everything tears me apart. Everything is wrong.

I don't know what to do. Can't remember how to feel.
Will I ever be okay? Will I ever feel real?

Days fly by and the years just keep rolling.
Months as moments in time that we all try holding.

The stories, the scars, the pain, the tears.
Triumphs and victories stolen away over the years.

We find ourselves unsure. Always looking back, always asking why.
Why there was so much pain, and happiness would always die.

Relax and roll with the punches as life keeps dragging on.
Embrace all the scars, which have worked to make us strong.

Every tear and every cut; all were gifts from Him.
And every fracture of the heart, brought by human whim.

But we're still here, we still keep moving on.
Even when our heart says that everything is wrong.

Right now, that's all I have. Everything is wrong.
So I'll wait for life to get better. I'll just keep moving on.

I can't shake these feelings; you should be mine.
But I'm running out of emotion, and out of time.

He's controlling, possessive; a piece of trash.
Yet, still, you just want for it to last.

He's no better than I was, in fact he's actually worse.
But you're stuck on this love, as if it quenches thirst.

I'll never understand. Never figure out why.
You asked me if he was right, and I surely didn't lie.

He's no good. He's worse than my darkness.
But for some stupid reason, HE passes your test?

What should pain me turns to rage. I don't know what to do.
Nothing heals me in the slightest, compared to everything from you.

I wish everything was as broken as my heart... As my soul.
Maybe I wouldn't feel destroyed. Maybe I wouldn't feel alone...

Each new day hurts different from the last.
I don't want our future to end up like our past.

When you're here, everything's right. I feel so strong.
But when you leave, it goes with you. My strength is gone.

My love grows by the day, and I just keep forcing it down.
But what also grows each day, is this forevermore frown.

Your hands fit so perfectly, like a puzzle piece in it's place.
And my lips felt so at home, perched aside your face.

My heart raced frantically, and I finally felt some hope.
Am I finally done suffering? Or just hanging by more rope?

I feel like I'll never know. Like I'll never feel so right.
But it feels like I've done too little. Like I should stand up and fight.

And do what? Take you from him? I can't, it's just not me...
I know you belong in my arms.... But I have to set you free.....

You open your eyes, and what do you see?
Life passed by? Your world breaking free?

Think back to the memories of a world full of heart.
Imagine all the scattered pieces before they fell apart.

The enemy looms over and you feel all is lost.
So use the words he cannot hear. Give God your thoughts.

The bonds fall away and your skin feels the light.
Your soul begins to rise; it's time for you to fight.

Hellish eyes look away and instead comes His grace.
His enduring love, eternal and free, always takes your place.

Be free, reborn, in all you do! For He is by your side.
He was right there with you every time you cried.

The chains were never there. They were all just in your mind.
So give it all to God. He'll show it to you in time.