The rush of passing time
The ones we leave behind
We keep saying that we’re fine
But we’re quickly going blind

Why? Why do we still care?
Why do we still fight?
How do we keep the fire burning bright?
Its about time we step down
Take a breath and look around
There’s nowhere left to hide

Escape the gilded cage of sanity
Succumb to the anarchy of the soul
Look beyond to a world of color
Where everything is beautiful and whole

Return to your dream-state
Take a look around
Here is where you’re no longer lost and all is found
Return to oblivion
Where nothing ever scars
Remember who you are, a monster and a star
And learn how to let go

What cage?
The cage that eclipsed when my world fell apart?

Or was it there from the start? Or from my coming of age

Or that fateful day when you learned the truth
A piece of truth
Small piece
When you learned I was not who you held in your view
That I was not as kind
Or as sweet, or naive
When you learned that I’m different than how I seem


Or is the cage metaphorical
Rhetorical
The cage in my mind
The peace I’m trying to find
That childlike serenity
That I once had but stayed behind
Am I trying too hard
Am I still hiding my heart
Is the cage made up of my kin
My mind
The stars

Will I be trapped forever
The prophesies say otherwise
So what is my cage
And how do I break free
How do I see

Today
She stroked my hair
As I laid in her lap
With my legs stretched out
On the chairs
In the auditorium
People all around us
Talking
Laughing
Oblivious to the blissful smile on my face
As she stroked my hair gently
Long nails lightly scratching my scalp
And I wish
God I wish
I could have laid there forever

Stomp
Stomp
Stomp

Sneakered feet
Marching
In unison
and identical uniform
Up the stairs

Like prisoners to their cells
Or victims to the slaughter

But for us
A
Monday

Beneath the rain
Before the spring
Anything can happen

A breath as warm as a dream
We are almost a child once more
I am alive at last

I am
Unraveling
Again

I feel it taking over me
A flood of wild madness
Weaving into my mind
Prefrontal cortex cracking
Amygdala malfunctioning
What is real, what’s make believe?

Madness
A paradox
Of perfect beauty
And agony

I miss it
Then I hate it
But when it comes
I only fear it
Fear the way I secretly enjoy it
As it spreads to my eyes
A cursed perception
The world around me swirls into a dream
Floating
Drifting
I long to let it in

Now it spreads into my ears
And whispers form in the dark
I do not fear them
But welcome their breath on my face
I wish to know them
The phantoms that float at the edge of my vision
Never still, only shadows
And quiet breaths
Or a prickle on the back of my neck

I feel it spreading now
To my limbs
First they twitch and shake
And suddenly I can’t sit still
All I want to do is move
To run and run and keep on running
Keep on running till my legs give out
And then I lie in silence
Numb, limbs heavy
Heart still pounding, breath unsteady
FIghting my body for the strength to pick myself up off the ground
To do what needs to be done

And the music in my ears plays on
Louder, different than before
It feels like an omen, a prophesy
I tense when I hear it play on its own
Anticipating danger

Finally, it spreads across my whole body
And I feel the paranoia flood me
There is evil around every corner
But I don’t fear death, only pain, pain inflicted and pain caused
I fear the power I hold in my own hands
And know what happens if anyone else feels the strange and twisted energy
That pulses through the maze in my mind
And I scream and scream
In silence
On ****** paper
As my insides tremble
And the ice cold rain beats down on me

I cry out to the silent eyes who watch each act of my life’s performance
They listen well, but never respond
I find allies in the locked doors inside my head
Desperate for anyone to hear me
Desperate to not have to weather the storm alone

And I know
It will pass, it will pass
But it feels endless
Hopeless
Wild
My insanity
And though I fear it
I would never trade it
For the curse known as normalcy
But still, I dread it when it comes