shelter shelter, bring me a storm
& i'm working on forgiving
funny beacause I wanted to say
working on leaving the living.
forgive me oh forgive oh forget
it *******.
& NOFX
progress, rock this
patience, guide us
kindness, blind us.
curiosity of 1984
& what's to come
It don't look good,
you'd better run.

It could not be any more
appropriate, I guess.
Early into November,
two tears
simultaneously streaming
down my cheek
only to meet in the center of
my lips.
forehead on the frosted window,
and she swerves.
tractor trailers blaze
against the highway sidelines,
and the sun is rising somewhere
through the blue woods.
two pillars standing tall
in between here and the distance.
I guess i found it to be best,
while others slept,
a silent weep.
through Autumn's bare trees,
tears fall.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgSTG6z-KtE

the trailer
nights were black
and cold.

hot breath
showed as it blew
through me, but
it wasn't enough
to keep me warm.

raw and real,
just as the elk standing
out in the frosted mist,
I could not help but be
reminded of how I have
been missed.

the faucet leaks,
there are missing tiles in the floors,
and the spiders crawl the peak
of my laundry mountain.

the space heater was the best
addition to my trailer life,
that is until the circuit blew.

tried and true,
I still want to believe in you.

and it makes me smile,
makes me hurt -
and all the while
you beat the death metal
drum inside of my heart.

have you ever felt so strong?
as I tilt my head back, and catch the
second pass,
heavy footsteps pass the bedroom
and call my name.
I stay here, I lay here,
and count the nails in the ceiling.
and sirens are sounding,
cars are speeding by,
dusk has turned dark.
engines rolling,
where's the wind?

they sit in a circle of chairs
and watch the night get darker.
we talked about the coast, and
sleeping near the water.
still, sirens swept the night away.
skin so pale, dirtied by dust.
spiders webs from nail to nail.
streetlights shine through tree branches
as everyone moves from outside, to inside
at the kitchen table.
I can't bring myself to bed yet,
tomorrow starts too early.
have you ever felt so strong,
that it stung you in that moment
and stole each and every of your senses?
senses swept by sirens.

did i forget to tell you?!
the mountains and the sea!
rolling and roaring
off the shores of new jersey
i call your name
and you splash me
I CAN'T SEE
I CAN'T See.
No more, I am free.
Can you hear me?
I am screaming,
the mountains and the sea!
You are all, you are one
summer sea foam.
it's humble, it's numbing
you're laughing and soaring
and watching me run.

driving nevada 562
passing sunset park
the air is a scorcher.
desert mountains surround
this dusted valley.
your radio plays AM stations
in your old '46
as the motor roars and my hair
blows wild in the wind.
similar to when you raised me,
but now twice my old age.

the air is a scorcher
and I'll be here only two days.
I put my head on your shoulder
and you tell me we turned the wrong way.
my protector, you've seen me grow -
"but for the grace of God, there go I."

a dream where I jumped
over all of the steps
leading to the basement.
a blue house,
ivy crawled the walls
from the outside in.
I jumped the steps
to chase a rabbit.
The stairs disappeared
and I was stranded.
Ivy hung from the cellar
door above my head.

distant ridge,
birch branches
bend within the wind.

empty, calm
and all the while
I talk to strangers
and pretend the ghost
of a boy lives on
by my side.

So, I do as I am told,
walk tall,
head held high-
and just for that,
I shall never
walk alone.

The branches bend,
some branches break.

Ridge to ridge,
the sun shines
somewhere within.

heart on my sleeve,
and I will make believe,
that the ghost of a boy
lives on by my side.

occupy the body, I am waiting
for challenge, for a shift, until
the dress just fits.
but I lay, I am lying,
looking in the mirror,
trying too hard, again.
trying harder than ever
to walk with my head held
high, higher than my ego.
Spring, wake unto me,
my spirit needs shaking.
eyes glazed, passing by,
the elephant in the living room.

Walking the French quarter
with the Mississippi River next to me,
I don't think I knew what to think -
other than that it was all so new,
and I was in awe.
the Southern fauna,
so sweet and mesmerizing.
the streets flowed with life,
as the architecture towered together
above their heads.
how it gave some sort of mysterious
chill down my spine.

days before, drunk in a cab
riding through downtown
Chicago, "West Grand, please"
- I wondered if I was
feeling nothingness.

so i splash my face
with warm water
and walk outside,
door slams.
cause it hits,
like a ton of bricks,
that is when you
start to feel that
awful feeling of nothingness.

hours later,
buried under covers,
I am cozy laying by the
space heater.

death grips,
and shadows blend.
You lied to me.

on the film

there’s a story

and its told in black and white

in the writings

there’s a meaning

like when we stay up in the night

and in the winter

we dreamed that we would have our

life in our hands, and we’d be alrightwell now its summer

and you’re flashing me a light

in the middle of the night

i’ve always been running

and i ran into you

and i guess you ran in to me, too

but i’m still running

i don’t know what fromi don’t know where to

but i hope i’ll still have you

when it’s over

when our death is coming true

and if its true

when you say you can’t handle back ‘n’ forthand i’m too

misleading for what its worth

well, i’m sorry

but its a price you’ll have to pay

i never chose to be this way

a different person everyday

sometimes i don’t know what to say

can’t form the words like i could form some softened clay

i keep things in, but i don’t mean to keep them far away

i’m toughening upi’m getting righti love you, and thank

you for the fightsand your uppercut into meand how you

push my face into your kneeand your teethbreaking

sincerityand your hurtful honestyyeah it hurts mebut

what does not **** me makes me strongeri hope you hit

me a while longeri hope you’ll kiss me when i’m

weakwhen i am bleak and incomplete

city lights catch a glimpse
and let you glow
for only a moment,
just when you thought
you were well hidden
in the dark.
the stars don't shine,
and I now know that I
walk alone.

***** sits where the sidewalk
cracks, and the ambulance
cries as it zips by faster
than the blink of
my bored eyes.

You were covered in detail,
detail I will never escape.
My dreams are spitting and
laughing, screaming messages,
and I fail convey,
reading only between the lines.

Wiping the tears from my face,
you kissed me in a crowded hallway,
beneath the jacket you held above
our heads, as the passerbys
passed us by.

Now and then, these days
drift by, carrying the secrets,
deeply entombed.
Embodied within my waking life,
sparks fly.

and beauty marks will
fade within a tumor
that no  suit of armour can
save you from.

forrest green,
make me clean.

thorns and thicker pull
my braids as I make
my way through your woods
to your field.
lifting my long black dress,
the morning dew has already
drenched me, cold and wet
the sun is still rising.
fog hovers in the distance,  
and light is beaming through
leaves that wish to turn their color.
beaming lights, and
you're everywhere, all around me.
it is just as I remember
seeing the morning unfold
years ago with you here,
only it was Springtime then, and
flowers were in the bloom.
it is autumn now, and I cannot
stay here forever.
picking thorns from my braids,
my feet are asleep and I am shivering.
Forever you will follow me
into the dark.

a back bend, kick over.
the movement becomes
a walk we all know too well.
my worries steep, I sip them dry
and leave some left
for another night.

Only a few days after you pass,
reminds me of time,
how like sand it slips
through an hour glass.
it has been long since
I have laid my head back
and listened to the flow of jazz.
how it unwinds and unravels,
carefully, each moment to the next.
sometimes, wildly,
it dances upon a rhythm chasing
a fleeing feeling.
as if it were creating a story
with a ******,
where until reached,
keeps you wanting more.
no amount of pain inflicted
could numb me,
the free sound of jazz.
no other sound could ease
or tender any better
than the sweet sound
that sent my senses
bringing them to the heavens

I wanted it all,
so I ran.
gotta sink to swim,
to fall within and fit
right in.
face me.
I dare you.
chase me.
and if this feeling
flees, I promise to remind
you how to breathe.
rain trickles down my spine,
until the water makes me blind,
I'll sink behind your mind.

the sun shines brighter
could it be an indian summer?
i can't leave my bed
but the wind beats hard
through my window
and the the sun shines
brighter, sunlight ****
sunlight pours.
and you slip away forever
into the rays of each
new passing day.

my naked body
captured still.
black and white,
grain and all.

I was young,
and you told me
it was art.

I stood in the light,
against the white
plywood board,
and waited until
the shutter snapped.

Shy and sad,
I felt no fear.

Years go by, and photos
float from finger tip
to finger tip.

Body bare, body all,
my photo still hangs
on your wall.

I'm trying to be
not trying to be something
just trying to breathe
and sneeze,
all and everything in between.

I don't ask for much
and somehow I get what
I need and a little more.

I wanna see the pretty lights
and hear the ones who speak
better than me.
I'm cut out to believe
that it will all pay off,
I guess I can only wait and see.
For now I can take the pain,
and talk on the phone to my sister over seas.

slap happy.
sinking into the night
into the sticky leather sofa.

here I am, breathing underwater
and letting my ears pop.
dropping lower, it's getting darker
feeling colder, creepy eerie feels over
my shoulder.
It's silent and slower,
the ocean floor.

something about those sirens,
I saw your flesh in the cave
bedroom, blue.
all those feelings I felt,
they were/are real.
feet trudge through
all the deepest puddles,
gone to search for gold,
gone to look for fun.
and i forgot what it was like,
to be lost inside myself.
only for a little while.
my only friend,
drunk with myself.
cold air,
fresh breath,
can't wait.
I never wanted to grow old,
I can't blame such a pretty
sun set.
and this passing time,
continues to blow
my fragile mind.