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Vivian May 2014
let me first
apologize; it is neither
fair nor right, that I have placed
you, human that you are,
upon a pedestal, made you
object of my affection,
concurrently greater and baser than
all of your peerage.
second,
let me apologize again.
I've been ****** up for
a while now, mentally and
blood alcohol levelly, and it is
not fair
that you have to deal with me at my worst.
third,
let me
apologize
once more,
because even at my best I was not
worth your time, yet I persisted
insinuating myself into your life when I
had no right to and that,
that was my cardinal sin, was it
not?
that I had the audacity to
love you, and then
to demand you
love me back.
Vivian May 2014
step one: mark out your
territory, bordered by
sea surf on the one side and
beach towels on the other;
dig a moat to the left and right so
no one can intrude upon your
Fortress of Solitude.
step two: build a sandcastle.
ignore the imminent
tides and the omnipresent
ravages of gravity; they are
irrelevant to your
Dream of Isolation.
step three: come to realize
that you are not
happy despite
getting exactly what you wanted:
welcome to the real
world kiddo. I hope you
found what you're
Looking For.
Vivian Apr 2014
the metro came
clickety-clack, clickety-clack,
velocity spit out by metal wheels
and metal gears.
and I thought about
How It Would Feel
jumping in front of that
mechanized Titan.
(loving you is not easy)
brutalizing pain and then
nothing but ******* blessed silence.

then I realized
I already knew this sensation.
(loving you is not easy)
Vivian Apr 2014
they lost an airplane.
(imagine that!)
it's 2014 and we just up and lost
an entire airplane.
Barack can tell you
what your best friend said
behind your back
on Facebook,
but we can't find
a ******* plane.
my father, man
that he is,
was all bluster
and thunder, righteous
fury, real Sinners in The Hand of an
Angry God
diatribe;
I stayed quiet through dinner because
I Knew
what it was like to lose something
huge and monumental and beautiful
in flight to behold.
I swear I'll never love again.
Vivian Apr 2014
I remember,
stretching out,
the whole expanse of
the universe naked and bare
for you and me;
still,

still, still
as the night, though all I remember
is nothing, as if there was no you and no me.
turned inside-out,
my sins laid bare
for public consumption. Love of

my life, Helen of
my Troy, still
I adore thee. the little bear
to my Ursa Major, remember,
remember, do not forget! that without
You I am not me.

For me,
you would do anything, you son of
Adam, you would never turn me out,
despite my myriad disappointments, still
you love me, remember?
(please don't let this come to bear)

Bare,
if you would be so kind, your soul for me;
I want to see you bleed and remember
days long past, bygone eras of
stillness, still, oh so still
before Pandora let all but Hope out.

Out! Out!
you let slip the dogs of war, and they mean to lay us bare.
They destroyed the water still:
we die of dehydration, you and me,
in this desert of
our own avarice ----- remember

me, I implore you, out and out,
days of old when our skin was bare
and our sins still clothed. please. remember.
Vivian Apr 2014
leaves self-immolate,
red orange yellow --- this is
How I Fell In Love

window frost, hand on
thigh --- our abandoned clothing
littering the floor

a bud, poking from
fresh-thawed earth --- I am trying
to forget your laugh

sun, high; so is she,
blunt 'tween her lips, my tongue 'twixt
her thighs --- I Miss You
  Apr 2014 Vivian
gg
I am trying too hard to be a deadly fire
or an unspeakable storm,
I am trying too hard to be angry
and unlovable
though I know I am neither
I am trying too hard
to be chaotic and indestructible
trying to create coldness and bitterness
even though I know that flaws are human
and unconditional love exists.
There is artful beauty in the aftermath of mistakes,
you just have to find it.
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