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All armies are the same
Publicity is fame
Artillery makes the same old noise
Valor is an attribute of boys
Old soldiers all have tired eyes
All soldiers hear the same old lies
Dead bodies always have drawn flies
will I ever be happy?
Must I cry before going to sleep?
It feels like the world
has turned against me
It feels like I'm in a world
of pain and sorrow
I feel like I'm at my own hell
as if I'm tripped into a cell
sometimes I sit and wonder
what the **** I'm doing wrong?
Is this my life?
will I ever stop crying?
will I ever find happiness
Asking myself that question
No one is here and I feel at ease;
I feel the recesses of my imagination
spring forward as ideas are at the
forefront of my mind,
yet I cannot put them down on paper.

I feel the neon pinks and blues and greens
that I know strongly resonate with me,
but to my dismay,
nothing ever comes to fruition
as much as I hope.

That cliché phrase of, “The sky is the limit,”
drowns me as I realize
parameters and prompts are what guide me
to what I truly want;
the idea of freedom gives me anxiety,
as I am a clueless ant on this plane.

As I look at a solitary trashcan
of impossible black,
this idea of suffocation
truly
encompasses
my mind, inescapable, unreachable, and unattainable.

Yet at the same time,
limits **** darlings.

With this seeming paradox
of open-endedness and limitation,
I set forth on my prompt,
however mundane it may seem now.
This task seemed at first simple,
but it proved difficult at times,
like most mundane looking venues.

My mind is not unlike
a checkerboard stone table:
cold and calculating;
I feel my imagination dies
when my fingers touch keys,
when pen hits paper.

“The sky is the limit,”
drowns me over
and over
and over again.

I look out of my peripherals
and glance at the red building signs,
wishing there was something
as obvious as that for a sense
of direction in my life.

My imagination truly hates me,
my imagination truly loves me;
it is an indecisive companion.

I wish I was alone, but my mind
wishes otherwise.
my nightmares come
in the shape of innocence lost
-c.a
tw child abuse

— The End —