Insanely Delirious

Insanely Delirious Jan 2014

Recovery

Your mind is a wasteland; desolate
But this hell you live in is indefinite.
You believe you are worthless.
But my dear, your life is precious.
You've made a promise to try to recover,
Yet you still dream of pulling the trigger.
Your thoughts get the best of you, and the shots begin.
One shot, two shots, three shots, four, still you dream of the end.
A blade used to be your only companion,
A friend you've long ago abandoned.
The red painted across your canvas of skin,
Wasn't enough to bring the thougths to an end.
Going from a blade, to a gun, to a bottle of jack,
Soon to ****, then drugs, you can't turn back.
You couldn't imagine your life would turn out like this.
You probably believe you're one ****** up mess.
Darling it's okay to admit you're shattered.
But you need to realize you actually matter.
So try to believe me, when I say you are loved.
You are my whole world, and if push comes to shove.
I'd give up eveything, to prove you're of value,
And to heal your pain.
But for now, do me favor, try to remain.

Insanely Delirious Jan 2014

Everlasting

My life swirls like a massive storm all around
Happiness being the eye of the hurricane
Waves of depression crash down on my heart
Dysphoria strikes a fire in my soul
Destroying the stitches that keep me whole
But I realize, a Phoenix must burn to be reborn
A fire must ablaze for the new to grow
Weakness is eliminated, and strength is manufactured
Life mimicking like a puddle's reflection
A drop in the water, enough for a small alteration
And that small alteration makes life worth living
I wake up and thank the heavens, that small alteration wakes me up
And greets me with the gift of breath, and the warmth of the sun

I was inspiring to write this because I realized this moment life can't be taken for granite

Insanely Delirious Jan 2014

Goodbye Dear Friend

Things have been relatively fair
With the sweet kiss of October's air
Shedding bracelets, now longer sleeves
And of course a smile that everyone believes
Quite factually he's manged to fool himself
Bittling his emotions, hiding them on a shelf
And he's found a girl who might actually stay
Until he thinks, what a lovve story cliche
He's happy, truly happy, so he thinks
But then he realize's he's back on the brink
Slowly bordering relapse and recovery
Without any help from social anxiety
He's capable of laughing at simple jokes
But he fears someday he'll be a hoax
He's the guy girls all adore
Yet he believes he's someone they'll deplore
Pushed people awqay, has yet one friend
Slipping back to old ways, alcohol requisite
Knuckles bruised, self petulant
Tear stained face, whiskey on his breathe
Each shot represents a friend who left
He writes his goodbye letter and crumbles it up
He feels even worse, he's low on luck
And thing is no one knows what's truly happening
Unable to see his mutilating agony
His cries were silent whispers; unheard
No one knew, he never said a word
Till everyone woke up and he was gone
No one knew who did him wrong
Used his blade to create an allegory
And the scars fit together to tell his story

This is dedicated to my best friend who recently attempted suicide on his birthday, He's okay now, thank the heavens. He's so wonderful and I feel this expresses him excellently

Insanely Delirious Jan 2014

Daddy Didn't Love His Little Girl

she was two years old and sister wasn't home
she sat there; she was alone
mom and dad were arguing and she didn't understand
mom had finally had enough, and

Daddy couldn't put away his needles
He knew he was ******* up his baby girl's life
He didn't care, he knew it was illegal
And often times left for nights upon nights

sometimes sister came home for a while
and she finally knew what it was like to smile
but her aunt up and packed
just to take dear sister back
When sister had left, she did her best
to love daddy, but daddy didn't love her

Then she found herself in a strange home
full of little children, she didn't belong
she cried for mama, and loathed daddy
he was hurting her, didn't he see?

3 years old and she didn't know who daddy was
3 years old and mama was never around
she didn't know where she was all because
daddy didn't love his little girl

People asked her many questions, she never spoke.
Rarely mama was around; she was left alone to cope
With the pain of abandonment, and rejection
Soon to play a factor in her manic depression

Finally mama got her life on track
But daddy didn't want his little girl back
She always saw daddy with sister
but he couldn't call; he didn't miss her

When she returned, daddy disappeared
She cried herself to sleep , but mama couldn't hear
See daddy made promises he couldn't keep
Took sister places but to her he was cheap

For days she waited for sister but soon lost hope
How could mama know she felt so alone
She just assumed she did something wrong
She blamed herself for far too long

She was so confused; she was so scared
Little did she know the pain would be to much to bare
Mama had no job, no money
And just had to tell her so bluntly

Mama soon took her out of that world
Shaken up, a new fragile litte girl
She was told it was different now
But the little girl wondered how

Little did mama know, the worst wasn't over
For their problems had just begun
But in that moment, she believed
Her baby girl was safe, and loved

Never would she of guessed daddy would come back
Never would she of guessed the past would have a big impact
Never would she of believed her baby, would starve, burn and cut
All because daddy didn't love his little girl

Insanely Delirious Jan 2014

Forgotten Horrors of the 19th Century

Perspiration accumulates into salty beads,
Falling into her eyes, eyes that have lost their gleam.
We’ve been trapped like savaged animals for three agonizing nights.
Diminutive apertures in this death box supply minimal light.
The screech of the rails are a bittersweet melody to our ears.
For we only know what these horrific monsters have taught. Fear.

As the door slams open, I’m pried from my wife.
I wonder if this will be the last moment I see her smile.
My people are marked with terror and pain.
I realized were barricaded in with barbed wire chains.
My subverted clothes reek of secretion.
This camp is untrustworthy, raising apprehension.

They claim we are not human.
But I ask, do we not bleed, when we are injured?
Do we not dream blissful thoughts?
Do we not pray to the same God?
The same God that punishes the innocent;
Bringing blithe to those sinners that shed blood.

When we lose our cherished, our loved ones,
Do we not shed tears? Do we not mourn?
No! We must not, for we are not human,
According to what the Nazis see.

We are the innocent, robbed of life.
They are the monsters who roam free.
At least, that’s what I see.

I see men, women, and children stripped of clothing,
Stripped of dignity, stripped of all things humane.
While these barbaric monstrosities make allegations.
Claiming they are purifying society, when they are to blame.
Men lose wives; children lose mothers.
Families are torn apart; sisters lose brothers.

Those of us who survive, work until brittle.
Still we carry on, if our minds are able.
Backs of men are scarred from arduous lashes.
While the sick are trapped in rooms imbued with gases.
My hands are enveloped with calicoes and cuts.
My mind grows weary, I dream an ending abrupt.

I’m crippled with anger, and tears that still drip sore.
My heart crescendos with pain, about to implode.
It’s difficult to refuse the tears when I hear the desolate screams.
I’m trapped in a perpetual nightmare, a ceaseless dream.
Still I carry on in life, for that is the greatest revenge.
The day we feel the kiss of freedom, will be the day we have avenged.

— The End —