The wait is much too long for me to bear

A laugh eclipses a diminished mind

Temporary joy that is soon to die

Crying on the shoulder made up of air

Pile blankets and wrap your arm 'round it

Share your feelings to the void as you sleep

Getting by, by faking the things I need

Like a magnet, it just pulls me right in



But even if all I do is glance left

The water and love; within they are kept

Like a magnet, it just pulls me astray

Farther and farther until I give up

And my only chance is gone all because

I hesitated the whole year away.

Death took her scythe to reap

You with the form of shark's teeth

In water you drowned

With shrieking sounds

While shredding knives made

you bleed



And in water I woke

Dripping sweat and tears

But at least now I know

I love you so dear

A clock whose beat is tuned out

clicks its seconds like rocks

pounding and falling on each other;

the little patter of piles of stones



The train whistles its trumpet

as the wheels click and clack

on the track of iron bars and wood

and roars like a lion of steel



Crunching of her foot on the stairs

of old creaking planks of spruce

and padding of coarse carpet

before the creaking of rusty hinges



The wind resembles the humming

of the alien fridge, so native

Both strum chords of one note

to the ignored beat of the clock



So I sit.

Slow

My pace down to 90 steps a minute

Slow

My whistling to 90 beats a minute

Slow

My mind down to 90 thoughts a minute



Slow

And see the vast and cloudy sky

Slow

And hear the ruined silence in the rest

Slow

And hope that nothing's as bad as I see it



Slow

Appreciate the plain and gray

Slow

Whistle to my own blues

Slow

Hope that I didn't **** love up

Nothing changed when I write poetry

I can pour my heart into fourteen lines

I can spend eternity on these rhymes

Doesn't cure what the **** is wrong with me

Even if it takes me a thousand years

To write a sonnet to express my pain

My attempts for relief are all in vain

Still I try to hold back my ******* tears

Who really cares that I wrote this sonnet?

What would have happened if I had done it?

Things this year are what brought me to the brink

How painless: the absence of emotions!

Such relief's an incredible notion!

Already I'm aching to cease to think.



Crawling to the cliff

I know I've been here before

We'll see how it goes

Give me sugar

For the bitterness in my mouth

The rain in my eyes

The bricks in my nose

The ice in my touch

The sporadic bells in my ear



Give me sugar

I don't need it

I want it

I want it to strip out of the stuffy costume

I wear everyday

To be high on the chemical

Enough to be normal

No, enough to act normal



Give me sugar

For the fissure in my heart

I know I don't need it

I just desperately want it

I'm talking to the air

about my regrets and mistakes.

I'm talking about how I

tried

to do something and all it did

was make me feel more

lonely.

Because I has made mistakes.

Because I was a fool.

Because I was too weird or strange

or something that repelled people.

I'm talking to the air

about that time I talked to my

school counselor

and how I instantly regretted it.

Because she didn't have my wishes

in mind.

She had the law in it

so she did things

I didn't want her to.

I'm talking to the air

about the mistakes I still hate

about the girl three years ago

that got me birthday presents

and I never got her any

because I was afraid to show my

affection.

And now she's gone

leaving me thinking about what

an idiot

I was.

I'm talking to the air

about this:

poems will not change one thing,

that this is slowly breaking

my mind

because I keep thinking

that this is slowly breaking

my social life.

But for some reason I don't want

to stop.

I keep talking to the air

because it listens.

Do you feel the blades in you

The sharp pain of the knife

Aching as you build up to have

Your king's hand touch the sky



All the blood in the meadow

For gods, for goods, for gain

How many on the battlefield

Were so mercilessly slain



We live in the result

of thousands upon thousands

of years

of pain

and sorrow

and effort

and intellect

Why

Does my sad mind belie my life

In such a way like that of flames?

For

The side of mine that cries I try

With much in vain to flick away

Though

Inside it hides, alive in spite

The hutch that reins it far from day

The

little boy

runs through my room

Get out you little gnat!

He never knows when to stop

Never stops

Oh! he just loves to laugh and live life like it's a lively joke.

He has the eyes of mine

The hair of mine



Not a single thought of what's to come

Blissful ignorance to what he was

Leaving me to wonder how

All he loves is here and now



And then he does

He leaves my room and fades

Wondrously he walks through warm air and wanes into wisps of wind

Now I

Now I miss that air greatly

And I slump back in bed

In my cage of

consciousness

trapped

The meadow was that of much beyond compare

Outlined by a blue line that cut off the air

Hardest soft brown eyes that set off a flare

The heat was worth being exactly right there

My Reason and Sense, the water did not spare

Until the sun set, and left the land all bare

Left me with nothing but at darkness to stare

And building wishes for the curtain to tear



But the Moon had risen, with luring brightness

Gave light to the water: then full with darkness

A colorful face crafted with such finesse

Such a light through my black; I could not wish less

Finite or not; loved the feeling regardless

But I was cursed at the same time I was blessed

Moons don't always shine, and it caused my great stress

So I parted the Moon, which I think it best

I'm thankful it had been there, nevertheless



I parted the Moon; the sun began to rise

And so did the flutter of the butterflies

And heated that which could have turned into ice

Roses in a field that was soaked in gold dye

Like the hue of the sun that flew through the sky

But I've forgot the joy I feel when I fly

And now I wonder, "Should I even try?"

'Cause each Day just leaves me with tears I can't cry

The new moon's arise

The waves are starting again

I find my self at the main office

But never do I go in



I feel all alone

Like I have lost all my friends

Why will I not see my counselor

When a storm's 'bout to begin?

Tomorrow's coming
soon

All year Life sat on the curb

With infant Love in hands

But a hurricane came roaring by

And washed his child away



After the storm Despair came by

And sat down next to Life

Then Anger and Anxiety followed

Which caused him quite some strife



And old companion was there also

Named Insecurity

He appeared at the unlucky times

In a mirror Life did see



Regret and Shame came behind

And made Life bitter cold

Believed he didn't deserve beauty

Condemned to live alone



Later on Loved walked by

Older but still a child

Life and his heavy group got up

And ran after her like wild



But Love was not grown up and she

Was not ready for the world

So she and Life were torn apart

While in dark the latter was hurled



Life cried out and begged for Death

To appear to come and take him

He pulled a string around his throat

And awaited asphyxiation



But Death sent Fear to her brother

And Fear went to take Life's hand

The ligature was ripped right off

And the air returned like sand



Despair made no haste to leave

But did so in the end

She left her children for her place:

Heartache and Isolation



Love walked by the curb again

Young, but more mature

But life was much more hesitant

To chase such bright pasture



Fear who had stayed so long

And spared Life fear of Death

With Anxiety he hit Life so hard

And gave his mind no rest



From Love came imperfect Beauty

And from her came Modesty

"Such a wonderful thing," sighed Life

"Is better off without me."

Like beyond the sky

It's unknown

Why? I ask

Why am I such a mess in front of people? Why am I secluded from society and all its norms?



I understood why I had wanted to die last year

I understood why I feel things

I understood down to the chemicals in the brain why....

Except why does my rational being fear others?

Why is that  humans are the magnet of my disarray?

Like the exosphere it's knowledge obtainable by not man nor woman nor self.

old faces.

new experiences?



I was expecting

when I

moisturized the soil

when I

shined upon it light

and planted

the seed....



I was ready.

It didn't grow.

But I'll give it time.

For I know it

takes it

(Even though I can't

stand it)



So I'll just wait.

I have patience.



I'm still waiting.

Walk through the streets of Germany

Don't remember the sounds

Of the morning greeting town

Or of the brick path under me



Walk along the bronze statue bold

Bought in air to freeze hell

A trifle with walnut smell

Go to wherever I was told



Walk up all the apartment stairs

In coats, each cheese and breads

Then curl up into be my bed

And fall asleep without a care



Don't remember the stores or parks

Of wood and brick and stone

Or the nighttime view alone

And the icy sky full of stars



The plush of bedspread white and clean

Sharp windowsill cacti

The breeze blowing ice

Streams icicles on balconies

We have a lasagna that's been sitting in there since 6 o' clock

And for three hours since you've been doing homework

I know we just has it two days ago

But our fridge just broke and our freezer, too

And buying a new one is so much money

That your father is working from dawn to dusk for

At a workplace that is about to be boarded up

While your brother over here is being an utter ******

And our houses is falling apart

We have no working dishwasher

My shop isn't selling

Your grandmother's dying across the Atlantic

The other is flipping through jobs

And our sinks don't work

And our tub is leaking

The car's making weird sounds

And our garage is collapsing

The oven's malfunctioning

And our driveway's cracking

And 4 years from now I'll be paying to the colleges

That will steal two parts of my soul.

So please, dear daughter, let us go eat some lasagna.

When the day rains

The sky is crying tears

Tears that have fallen

For thousands of years



Tears of billions of souls

The sky cries them all

Some of them are yours and mine

So let them fall, just fall



The sky picked them all up

From the ground where I wept

Let fall the ones formed from

The pillow upon which I have slept



Allow these despaired waters

To wash away your pain

As you cry your own tears

That will soon become rain



Rain is the name

We call the sky

When the dark clouds fold

And it starts to cry



And soon the long-kept sorrows

Will all be washed away

As the rain sprinkles your face

On a wet crying day



A rainy day

Washes the pain.

O how jealousy is your aura

that blinds my life aspirations

and the impetus of love



You know always what to say

what she feels and thinks

and comforts flawlessly



Her love blankets you like wool

like sheep during winter;

you never get cold



O jealousy is your radiance

but my pity is also shed

for you are a pitiful thing



Though take you do such admiration!

loved you are by almost law,

You are yet mere imagination

and are not really felt at all