Wearing out your welcome,
old news on new terrain.
******* life from the bodies of boys
that you believed served a bigger purpose.
We all get bored.
Restlessness is a chore and  I do it so well.
Make the parents proud that you're living in their
hell.

Your time on earth filled with religious sacrifice.
You didn't curse, swore to serve heaven
by spending Sunday mornings at a pew,
while the world recovered from Satan's Saturday night.

You've been with the same women,
that lost that spark so very long ago.
Satisfactory health, breakfast, lunch,
dinner, little league, bible camp,
suicide...

Confession. "Those thoughts aren't allowed"
...maybe life isn't so bad.
But I heard the sinners have more fun?
I'll live longer blessed, while they die young.
I'll continue in safety hoping heaven isn't a lie
with no vacancy sign.

There are mornings I think the world to be such a sickly place.
The people with their selfishness and constant need to pretend to care for others.
A society of scorn.
So many people and so many possibilities but we are all dropped into the filters so many times.
Wrung dry of our individualities that by the time we are kicked off the conveyor belt,
we are not ourselves.

I’ve been noticing that we’re all so lost. Everyone is wandering and everyone is wanting. We all want, everyday, every second, never fulfillment. It’s always different, until it’s the same.

Until you are vacuumed into the circles of those who are sharing the same desires, many different circles, many different groups, many different desires; yet grouped.

We need the many different circles to make us feel satisfied. We need the circle of people we love. Like family members that answer your messages and can have an honest conversation with you. You have the circle of old best friends, the childhood best friend that you continue to confide in. The one that makes everything better because their presence has always been a constant.

It’s the demeanor.
It’s the tone, or rather the silence.
Sometimes the silence is comfortable and yet sometimes it lingers in the air.
I can’t tell.
Tonight will go as planned except not and it isn’t as painful as I would expect it to be.
Numbing almost.
The morning is plagued, and the sunshine is worthless.
It never really makes a difference.

I wonder about equals though.

As if they actually existed, not saying it isn’t completely possible.

Just saying, I don’t believe that I believe in them.

I do question him though. His whole half being the whole to my own.

Do you understand? I think myself mad sometimes.

I think it not possible for the missing share to care.

Oh whatever.

I wonder about equals though…

Legs entangled, still utterly confused.
Hard pill to swallow, wash the pride down too.
It’s not just the idea of commitment, it’s the idea of you.