I'm too wild
I can only injure you
It's in my blood to run
My instinct to roam
And yeah you're beautiful, but you bind me

he taught me that sometimes dreams can move and breathe
and it wasn't anything he did
just his existence

This is the kind of thing that doesn't die
Why would I **** the very thing I've spent my life trying to find
Why am I about to ***** this out
I'm dizzy suffocating my own self

My home is with the trees, the water, and mountains  
Because there I see myself for who I really am
Me in all my own insignificance, my smallness    

In untamed landscapes I'm reminded of my roughness
But it's not the negative thing society speaks of
Comfort lies hidden where no one ever thought it could possibly be found
To embrace complete comfort is to finally accept how utterly weak we are
When we finally lay down our guns, make peace with God, and realize we've never been alone all along

In the forest when we are stripped of all save our senses  
The thrill and peace of existence wrap around each other somewhere in the furthest places of whatever we're made of
And our eyes are opened for a second to see life's perfect contradiction
It's unfathomable simplicity infinitely beyond the mind's reasoning

In unrefined places, the wilds we've never touched,
Those corners of our world few eyes have peered into  
Still stand boldly the messages imprinted on glorious creation
The signs of hope, of change, eternity past and eternity coming  
The truth that screams out loudest in the quiet
We are products of love  
That great ocean none could ever measure, predict, or control
The name of He who put the skin on our bones, the artist of souls  
And He is all

As far as our existence is concerned I'll hold to the theory of hope and purpose. They've dismissed the mystery in our breath, our beating hearts, the wind, the waves, how the stars are hung and lit, the endlessness of the heavens, how each plant and animal find a harmonious balance within the ecosystems.  There is mystery to be found out, not brushed aside as if it doesn't exist.

I don't know how I got here
Waited so long and fell so fast
I've never wanted anything so bad

He was so many things
He was like a dream
Coming alive for a time

Spirit rises like the tide's edges.  
Whole and complete yet without walls.  
Watch Him walk, He drifts like snow.  
Heavy on the harmful, with the meek on tiptoes

Golden threads are weaved in and all around
Right under our noses, under fingertips
The glints, our hints tracing forward
Everything can be found if you follow

when I lose sight of him I'll hear him in songs

He is that beautiful and unfathomable thing
That hovers in tree tops
And over oceans
The wind hurrying past
And sweeping through  
A voice without words
He follows me closely
Tomorrow to hold me
What I am is restless
He dares me to feel it
To breathe and be it
And let it lead me
Just like a river to my home

This is how I know Him now
Where I find the last traces of the hem of His garment
Where He has been, His footprints
He's out there past the horizon
No matter how many times it changes
His reflection flickers on clouds when they shift shapes

He was a faster than I can control kind of feeling
I was with him until the summer ended
The love I was told wasn't possible
That love I was always looking for, but gave up hoping for
And he was that and he was real

He was the one you sneak behind your parent's backs for
The one your friends question your judgement over
The one you can't keep your heart from
The one you don't want to leave for a second
And when he leaves you forget how you ever breathed before
And I'll become a shadow if he becomes a memory

I let him in, he burned my heart
So that I couldn't go on without
He was so much more than a mere phase
He was the kind of love that I know will last through time, silence, and space

I won't let go
I hold fast to a rope of three strands
Faith, Hope, and Trust
And though they are wearing thin
I know somewhere out there at the end is love

I've always been restless
Always felt caged in
I've always been too big
To be contained in a building
And even if that building were the tallest in the world  
I am convinced I would be discontent

That's why I'd rather be outside  
Under skies
That go beyond what I can see

That's why God is the reason I decided to keep living
The sky and the ocean were never enough  
Because they don't breathe
They don't feel
Like nothing else God is alive

Let them come, all spill out
Words run like rivers from your mouth  
Make me alive, awake, and free
I start to breath every time you speak  
  
I have no words
So I'll just be silent
I know you still hear me
Even in quiet

Our hearts are so close now
There's no need for speaking
My prayer consists of being
Listening to your breathing

They always saw the world as a place half empty, overtaken by decay and too late to escape.
As if we were lowest on the food chain and the world really were dog eat dog they raised me up.
They've trained us to hide.
They taught us fear.  

All we face is danger.
Our instincts scream "run"  
Where is goodness?
Better stay in your cage for that is wisdom and only there are you safe
Brainwashed by cowardice we may breathe, but does anyone ever live?

The world is no death trap though they are afoot within it.
If safety means staying in a cage give me a spoonful of danger.  I'd sooner die unafraid.

I still remember
As if I could forget
You haunt me

In my sleep and in my mind
You're always there
But you're never here

This heaviness won't stop
Can we go back can we move forward
Whatever it takes I'll do it

I don't want to live without you now
So I'm living for next time
To never lose you again

When will He wipe our tears, wipe them all away?  
When will the earth's sweet antidote come?    
When will we have the upper hand over cancer and decay?  
When will it be over-the pain?  
When will we be brave enough to face the cuts of caring?  
Why have we forgotten what love is like?
We dwell on it's absence, stuck on the broken
Call it a mistake
It's gone and we hurt now
But why regret the place our lives began?

There is one, just one fountain of everlasting life
A man no one expected to speak with authority  
A Lamb no one expected to roar
A Word we didn't recognize

But that blood
The blood from His veins runs in deep red streams  
Continually flowing  
Ever onward
Those pure cells are the world's only cure, humanity's only hope  
Enough to restore all of heaven and all of earth
Make them good as new  

Why are we sick?
We pushed Him away  
How far is wholeness?
As close as we let Him come
How far is comfort?  
All it's ever taken was just one out-stretched hand
It'd be ours
He'd be ours
Comfort, Healing, Freedom, Purpose, Love  
These never leave His presence

On the day of His wedding
The pain that plagued us
Will be suffocated
In His joy
It's so pure
Those old and ugly masters: Tears, Death, and Sorrow  
They will never find us again

my own heart didn't come back to me

Rest and peace  
Follow where He leads
Life is mine to drink
I am love's to keep

Truth in every word
The sweetest streams I've heard
Run in torrents from His lips
With beautiful grace anointed  

How He really cares
Up in arms He'll bear
We the frail
The sick and pale

Infinite everything
Is ours when He sings
Hearts  start to beat
When heaven and mankind meet

Look after the wanderers.  Don't let us lose ourselves.  
You always sing our songs.

I have my regrets
So many of them
But what is life
Without imperfection
Our brokenness keeps us human
What do you do  
When you are hopeless
Lost in love
Helpless to hold onto him
Say what you feel
And make him believe it
Should this be a confession or a secret

I feel so strongly this kind of beauty and pain
I could almost call it love
It’s in the music
There I find myself and always have
I hear my reflection coming back
The way my own heart aches
I know it best in the sounds
The melodies that string out
Telling me all that you mean
It hurts because maybe my life is too complicated
Maybe we won’t be able to make this work
I cry because I know the end looms
Summer and all good things with it will vanish
And I’ll be gone again
Away from you

Peace I seek and peace I'll find
On the trail of pine and blue skies
A lonesome soul will not mind
The solitary search for signs

He walks across skies  
His footprints leave colours behind
Slowly, steadily, peacefully
He's guiding the stars

The light have always followed Him
The stars are magnetic  
He is called "Dazzling"
How could they resist?

They remember He named then
Every one knows where to go
Exactly where He placed them
If you let their light get in your eyes
The intimacy of divinity you'll never miss

He's the one from whom lights come
Crafter of the sun  
With lights each night He paints these words  
"My children, it's time to come home."  

Thousands of years have passed
And if thousands more are to come
He'll still be leaving a light on
To bring back daughter and son

Restlessness was infectious when we began the hunt
And then we broke and began making ourselves numb
Ran so fast, tripped upon pride  
Fell so hard, black and blue these bruises shine

Sink into slumber, just ourselves we're fooling  
**** in this poison, deny that it's pooling
Below the flesh where we can't see it
Find the antidote before we bleed it

The lie strung us up before we could cut it
Claim fear of oblivion but why do we rush it?  
Embrace our decay on the way to a grave  
We could escape, but reject the way

Lived just for us, but turned out to be empty  
We were stuck in selfishness upon entry
Forgetting-we got that wrong when we left out each other  
Using humans to fill lonely voids, but never loving our brother

Life hurts and it's beautiful
It's simple, but it's a big deal
And you're the kind I can't forget
Not today or tomorrow, not just yet

We the hopeful press on
Faces to the wind, dusk to dawn
We look ever ahead  
To horizons not found yet

Up there is a presence
An assurance of greatness
Something so free, so pure, and true
Runs in our blood pulsing through

Like fire in bones it roars  
Eating right to the core
So far inside us  
Where we grow restless

The world as we know it
Just an iceberg's tiny tip
Hear that ageless voice in the wind
Love comes back again

We know him
He is eternity
He gives eternity
This love will last

All my life I've wondered, but I couldn't tell you what about
It's not because it is confidential, but because it was everything  
and I still don't know what everything is.  
I was infected with a restlessness the world had no cure for.

We humans each have a mind that loses things, but nothing ever falls out,
a brain that is more hungry than our stomachs.  
We want to know it all, but if we did then what we do?
I think our minds might just call it quits because their hunger would be gone

I would sit and watch, waiting for something, but I didn't know what it was

out of Psalm 27:1 A light came through the cracks of the jagged wood.  It ran in streams along the walls and flooded the floor.  It was like no light I'd ever seen before, but at the same time there was something so familiar about it.  It was as if I'd known it a long time ago and now couldn't quite remember.  There was just something about it that caused me to become helplessly stuck.  It was so completely unique that I wasn't helpless due to a forceful overtaking laid upon me against my will.  I was helpless because I let myself be.  I left myself there and didn't help myself because I wanted to be taken captive by Him. I willingly let Him hold me and keep me and take me because there I have happy peace in a sure hope.  

We run after the sun, following the light.  We chase down the day because God is like nothing we've ever seen before and once you've seen God you never want to have to tear your eyes away.  If you are wondering if there's more you haven't seen God.  There's always more of Him.  His endlessness is so satisfying and so daunting both at the same time.  No more thoughts of frightful possibilities.  No more uneasiness of uncertainty.  No more confusion.  We see clearly now.  We are finally at peace.  The truth is before us.  Freed of the abyss of darkness, we no longer have to fear the pain of moving in the dark and the crashing and bumping into of things.  We don't have to be afraid of our ignorance now.  Light tells me where to go.  It is beautiful.  The light gives me purpose.  I no longer have to wander around stumbling, trying to find my way and probably just going in circles the whole time.  It is my hope and peace even in the face of death that the light is always with me.  Even when I may not see it I know it's there and its picture I hold ever present in my mind and it is painted on my soul.  It's like God is to be feared because so much of Him is still unknown to us, but at the same time just to be alive means He's always been there whether or not we've been aware ..and when we finally look at Him it's like that's when it hits us "There's something so familiar about Him.  We realize that the restlessness inside us was all for Him, for home, where we came from."  

I have truth.  I have someone to trust and believe in.  I am safe.  I can rest.  Fear had made me its slave and I was always so tired.  I was alone.  Now thanks be to God He has given me His arm to lean on.  He keeps my mind clear of doubts and fearful wonderings.  I can see, but what does that mean?  No matter what He will keep me because He wants to and He won't change His mind about that.  He simply won't.  I don't have to be afraid because God does everything for me because He loves me, He values me.  The most touching part is that unlike most others He doesn't love or value me for Himself, but He loves and values me for me.  I never have to be scared of anyone or anything.  I know I am secure with the only one who has all the power, might, and strength.  He has victory over everything, but He doesn't force anyone.  

All I want is to stay here with you.  We were meant to live in the light with it shining into our pours.  Illuminating our insides we are warm and we can finally see who we are.  I have a prayer and it goes above all the rest.  I just want to go home and stay there.  Home is you.  

Psalm 27:1 The light keeps me safe.  It won't let me stumble and hurt myself.  It keeps my mind focused and clear.  It keeps my vision secure.  It gives me something to run after.  It keeps me safe from the cold where I become stiff.  It keeps me growing.  It keeps me alive.  It protects me.  It keeps me from losing things like myself.  I've realized sight equals life, so what good does it do when all I see is black? Is there a difference between blindness and darkness?  Who is there that knows we are meant to see?  Who will chase after vision?

Psalm 27:2 I am not afraid.  Who I am is empty of fear.  Fearless is who I am.  I live in a place where fear cannot grow because of the light
I know that even if the most heartless people came after me to hurt and try to **** me, they would only trip and fall.  They might hurt me, but you heal me.  They might take this temporary breath, but that doesn't scare me because I have you.  Though I don't completely understand why sometimes you don't stop these from happening in the moment, I'll still keep clinging to you, my hope.  I'll still keep believing You only love me.  The unending life I find in you is what my eyes will stay locked on.  It is possible that this may happen, but still I'll trust in you, God.  Who I am will not be snuffed out because I am in Your hands.  

Psalm 27:3 Though the world may sink into the bottomlessness of war's thirst for blood, though I may be surrounded by armies still my trust will stay in you.  I won't let my heart slip into fear and I know you never will.  You will never let me go.  I KNOW YOU AND YOU ARE BIGGER THAN IT ALL.  You have the heart and the arm to guard me always, completely.  You call yourself mine.  Fear can't hold me anymore.  I've risen above it all because I am alive in God.  

Psalm 27:4 The pull is too strong.  You don't force me in, but there's nothing that could make me turn back because there's nothing like YOU, the star maker.  
There's nothing else.  The only thing is to stay here.  so I ask you, "would you keep me?"  

Too late to turn back now.  I'm running all the way home.  No matter how long it takes, how hard the road is, I will make it.  I just have to.  My veins screams out your name over and over again.  It goes rushing down into my legs inspiring them to move.  You move me like nothing else not even myself.  Let's not waste a single second being apart because me without you is a waste of time. And wherever you live I want to be there too.  I want to come home.  Let me stay here with you.  The deepest hunger was awakened in me. ..to dwell with the beautiful one.  If only I could see, really see Him as He is.  For our eyes the rest of us becomes weak.  I never realized how sight is so important that we can't live without it.  We need vision as much as it's always been that thing that holds all of us fast.. because when we are looking at something it gets inside.   No man could ever look at something and be completely untouched or he would have to be made of stone.  We don't recognize our heart and souls lifelong dream until we see it outside ourselves.  We didn't even know it because we didn't know ourselves.  We didn't realize that by turning God away we, ourselves, went with Him.  We had to because He is where we come from.  When I abandoned Him I also left behind myself.  He's caught my eyes and all of me.  I keep getting glances through fog, but I'm just not sure.  From what I can tell, this man is nothing like the rest of us.  

I am completely compelled, completely free, by my own heart to give all of myself to You, for You with every moment.  Don't let distractions exist.  You always have been my friend.  You've always been so good to me.  Encounter me every day of my life.  I know you are more than I can comprehend so please let me see you.  Here. Now. I wait.  And I wait and I will keep waiting until you show me yourself.  And I'll take you as you are, doing my best to not let offence in when I don't get you and not ever trying to change you.  To simply be is life and no one can be without God.  By His side we never have to stop finding the sweet flow of peace.  Here is where I find freedom.  Before I let Him show himself to me I tried to be but it always felt empty and pointless before.  As if it were a waste of time and instead of freedom, peace, and life I used to find myself instead trapped in a swirl of chaos and confusion dragging me down.  How could anyone who is awake ever be satisfied with less than forever?  I don't understand it.  I could never live for only this life.  Don't you feel restless in the shortness of it all? ..when you feel something deep down in your soul start to vibrate, when you look at the sky full of lights and forget to breathe.  I could never be content until I met God.  How can all we know exist by accident and for no purpose.  What is life if it is meaningless?  In't there always something about the untouched and breathtaking earth that made you know there was something behind it, something more than accident.  And didn't it haunt you to know?  God is so beautiful that we get one foggy glance and fall in love completely and we've only just begun.  

In trouble, in times of joy I still feel Him holding me.

You pull me back into the secret place and lift my head up from this mess and the look on your face raises me up.  You are faithful. That rock below my feet is attached to me now.

Psalm 27:5  

I'd forgotten what it was like to not be in trouble
I asked, "What does it feel like to be healthy? What is peace?"
and I saw you reach out  
Opened up, took me in  
It was so beautiful there  
I was standing beside a fire  
in the warmth my worries and woes melted  

We live, we breath perfect peace
He'll keep me here
No more running for fear

Higher, higher until the polluted ground is out of sight and I'm weightless in a cloud forest.

Safe, I'm like gold to you, but irreplaceable  
there's a place that we keep secret ..an intimate home
though all that you are is more than an ocean  
You keep me, higher than everything else and immovable
Nothing can shake me now

When all I could see were the bloodthirsty wolves with their fangs  
I sunk.  Hopeless was the name of that place
because there was no escape
but I never thought to look up until you touched my face and lifted my head until the only thing I saw was the endlessness of your care for me
I'm never going to look down again. ever.  

I will give Him myself  
I've never known joy like this until my will I abandoned to Jesus
I couldn't help it..my heart had already left for Him

no longer could I keep closed my lips
out flowed all the things I know and love of Him  
they're just wimpy words  
but when He heard
He put them in His heart  
to never let them go

Psalm 7 and 8

I know You've always been listening.  You never stop
So I cry and I never knew my voice could be so strong
All of me falls in front of you  
One word comes up from inside
from somewhere deeper than I knew I had
It pulls with it everything I've been given,  
"Mercy"
You said "come find me"
I said "ok"  
That's where this starts.

Our children are being snatched from our grasp with every single second.  I won't stop mourning until I am comforted and I refuse to find comfort in anything except the sight of the innocent ones alive again.  If you were not so deaf, you would hear the endless weeping, that pain provoked groan, and every now and again a silence so solemn and horrific you'd find yourself frozen in shock.  It's like when winter finds us.  

You are my only hope now, God.  You tell me we don't have to cry anymore because someday our children will come home free.  You promise us that we'll see how our prayers were answered and what You will do with what we have done for your beloved.  "So just don't lose hope," is what You tell me and as long as I can see you, I know I have it.

I feel more than you know
I am not ignorant of anything as you seem to think
You hurt me with those-assumptions of my mindlessness
when it's you who are not thinking  
you just do whatever you want and run around recklessly
I love your wild soul and I still think you're beautiful
but I can't stand you  

you are a wave    
at the sight of which I couldn't move
swept off my feet
now you've got me caught in the rolling tide
in and out, ebbing and flowing, up and down  
around and around and around we go
i'm so sick
will I ever get anywhere

why couldn't I keep my heart from you..put up a fence so it wouldn't run away
I fear it is too late
what did I do to gain the oncoming mess?
It's like watching a car crash about to happen
after such a long time
helpless in a gruelling wait
I saw a flicker  
and my heart couldn't help itself
it jumped and it fell  
there was nothing there
but an illusion
like a mirage to a stranded desert soul
and I don't know, maybe I made everything up
I knew it was too good to be true
and once again I can't see any hope for us

My head is swarmed with thoughts.

I don't know
I don't know, but I feel as if I must
I don't know you, me, what love is or what life means, but I want to
I don't even know what wanting is
I don't know

It's all too much to fit inside my brain
All I know is that I have faith and what it looks like
You are the only one who knows all the answers and is all the answers
You who are inside of me
It's tough to see you through all this flesh  
I don't know why you don't let me know now
But I'm at peace because you tell me I don't need to and that when I do you'll inform me
You say all I have to do is just be  
Where I am simply being is where I know who you are

And there is coming a day when my skin will transform into transparency
And then I will know  
And then I will know increasingly continually and that is the beauty of it all  
There is no end to who you are or your love for me or life and therefore the depths of it all have no floor, no walls, and no ceiling
I will be free of this box

It's in the sky and the light of the sun
In the deep sounds of strings and voices
And I have to believe we are not alone
I know there's more than meets the eye

I've learned more than anything this is about what's real
It's about finding something bigger than a universe
Something that lasts, heaven on earth
It's about someone stronger than death
A love that never fails us

I think love is when someone's presence becomes your addiction, when you find you can no longer go on without them
And it isn't for anything they can do for you
You just wake up one day and wonder how you got to this state where their absence is your pain
And you hate every second without them
Because that person, that beautiful, broken life has become everything to you

I just can't have you become my stranger

Truly, the abandonment of myself was my freedom.  
No more pride, no more shame now that I've gone away.  
Against you I could never win
But I couldn't believe that you wouldn't enslave me if I surrendered
Except it was true.  
Restless, we either search for the reason we exist
Or numb the ache with the drugs we've made.  
We let ourselves believe we've found our meaning
But we deny the voices of our spirits that tell us, "there must be more"
We fear disappointment.  
The problem is that somewhere along the lines we also blocked out hope.  
We tried making our lives into patterns and equations.  
In an effort to control we took rivers and tried to squeeze them into manmade, straight waterways.  
We got angry when the water spilled over the edges.  
Somehow it never worked because to live is to exist in unpredictability.  
Perfection was never what we thought.
It was not straight lines or smoothly fulfilled plans.  
No, perfection was always and only love.  
Love with all it's messes and breaks.  
Love with all it's pain.

too many thoughts to catch them all

If life is a gift why do we assume we get to control it?

we only have a glimpse of what love really is and that glimpse is caught through shattered glass

I hate that I'm quiet
They think I'm a mouse but I am a lion

We cannot be hopeless
We cannot be alone
All this cannot be pointless  
We cannot be accidents  
God cannot be nonexistent

Humans have a history of misjudging the motives of the master of the universe.  We are blind, deaf, crippled, and numb, locked in the after effects of our birth into sin.  God knows what it takes to open eyes.  For some it is painful, but if it means freedom from eternal pain it's worth it. Maybe the harder we are of heart the more it hurts to wake.

what is it about the woods
that brings something to life within us like nothing else can
we try to capture it with words, lenses, paint, anything
but it always escapes us
although not without leaving behind some trace of itself
what is it
mystery
the unknown
but if you solve a mystery or know the unknown
they can no longer be themselves
their definitions change completely

out there you can feel him
he's behind every tree and beneath every stone
but you can never see him
he is that mystery and that unknowable thing
and when you're in the woods
you come to find just how wild he really is
at least just to get a touch
and we know he's wild
because everything created comes out of the heart of its maker

but what is the wild
it has always been portrayed as something to respect and fear
which is right
and it is powerful except it is not always good
but that is the earthly kind of wild
and like everything else from this world it is broken
there is evil in it
but the true kind is completely pure
it is the freedom and life found in a thrilling chase of the unknown
the wild is both adventure and peace that collide all around
it consumes us with the restless hunger to explore
to hunt down a mystery but not primarily to solve it

in the woods we find little pieces of ourselves
buried remnants of what should have been
beautiful bits we've lost and forgotten
we catch sight of how wild our own hearts are
and realize that's exactly how they should've been from the start

Jesus was so humble that He befriended some of the worst, most immoral people.  He came not to associate with society's highest class, but to heal the most broken, most confused: our outcasts.    

What He said about her to a man of high standing, "I am not ashamed of her.  She may be filthy, dirt on her hands, but the love she gives is my joy.  I've always known her and she is not who you think she is.  She is not even who she thinks she is-a hopeless wreck, unfixable mess.  She is meant to be so pure it would blind you to see and she is not lost yet.  I'm about to buy back all that she has squandered.  It doesn't matter to me how great the debt she owes.  I forgive it freely because I came to make the sick well again."

Passion does not amount to volume alone.  It goes much deeper, all the way down into the depths of us. It is often the most silent among people who hold the heaviest weights of it.  In silence and time we transform from an immature and fleeting kind zeal into a strong and lasting passion.  Often in the haste of heated emotions one might act or speak, but that momentary expression is usually regretted immediately.  The kind of passion that brews in silence becomes ever a part of who you are.