I smell like coffee, bruises
and insomnia
for the night I spent weeks awake
in bed,
from 12:17 to 12:32
counting heartbeats instead of seconds
and listening to
the wind, howl me reasons
to step outside.

It yelled through the blinds
where the window
doesn't latch shut
and picked up the edge
of the goose feather
hollow
to remind me
that no one else was up.

The endless blue sky
No clouds in sight
How peaceful to be there at first light
Peacefully looking up
Not a sound
Not even a critter.

The yellow, orange leaves
The cool fall breeze
There’s nothing like sitting there on this gorgeous fall day.

You write about what you see.

You write about what could be, what should be.

You write to narrate others’  lives.

You write in order to survive.

You write because you feel oppressed, depressed.

You write because you’re mad.

You write because you feel the strength
when the pen is in your hand.

You write because the words sound smoother
then when they come from your mouth.

You write because you hear the music
and have to find the words.

You write because you see the beauty
in everything on Earth.

You write because you see the story
when you look in someone’s eyes.

You write because quantifying your thoughts
can be too hard to do in your head.

You write because you love the feeling
of the weight off of your chest.

You write because there’s no other channel
for which your passion you can express.

You write because there’s nothing better
than letting your voice be heard.

You write because without that voice
your life would be obscured.

In the beginning*

Your butchering words,
Went through my head.

As a child who listens,
To every word you say.

Your constant sarcasm,
Your words which,
I thought were the truth.

Just to let you know, Dad
Those butchering words,
To me are now worthless.

For I know now,
It was only your sickness.

Don’t say “Hello”,
Because I’ve been here all along.

Don’t ask where I am,
Because I’m always in your heart.

Don’t give up,
Because you just might win.

Don’t be afraid,
Because fear is acknowledged.

Don’t say “Good-bye”,
Only “I love you.”

Looking at the ceiling
Thinking,
Just thinking..
What you're gonna say
What you're gonna wear
What you wanna share.

Some think it's easy
To drift away anytime,
Some think it's hard
To go away 'til next time,
Some pray all night
Friends, family, health and all,
Some just like to listen
To the silence throughout the hall.

It can get so quiet
You don't want to break it
You just want to feel it,
Within your mind
Within this art
Within your eyes
Within your heart.

It's hard for me
To just start sleeping
But then I just look
Right up at the ceiling.

Gone away
far away
don't understand,
why you had to leave me.

I wonder,
everyday,
if maybe, you're not that far away.

If you're listening,
in heaven,
i want you to know,
i didn't want you to go.

So tell me,
do angels cry?
do they ever wonder why, they died?
do they cry?

you help me through problems,
through things good and bad
you kept me smiling
when i was sad


as the years past
we may grow apart
but no place is too far
we wont forget about each other
where ever we are


you're a wonderful person
with a good heart to lend
and i want you to know
you'll always be my bestfriend.

The sun slowly sets over the ocean,

      Melting the warm,
                 orange glow with the still,
                                                    blue water.

  I loved the person I shared that moment with.

                              I love him still.

           But like the sunset,
                   ...the moment faded all too fast.

In the beginning it was considered lust
Nothing more than just a crush
Minor words of flirtation
Did everything to increase the temptation
It wasn’t long after words became an action
This soon enhanced the attraction
The feeling was something unknown
With the craving to make it shown
It’s an aching that lurks deep within our veins
It’s a feeling that most words are unable to explain
It’s a power that makes your body lose control
It’s a mystery unsolved but make your heart feel full
It’s an element that is indescribable
It’s a thought in your mind that’s uncontrollable
It’s a challenge that the world takes for granted
It’s a passion deep in your core that needs to be chanted
So in the end the lust was still existent
But the passion became persistent
A few thoughts lurk deep in my mentality
And what I desire, I hope to become a reality
I know what I feel is true
And what I wish to say is I love you.

When you have so much potential in your life
You have the whole world ahead of you
Millions of thousands of hundreds of options
Just out of reach

But there's something holding you back
Something that won't allow you to move forward
And keeps dragging you back to a life you once had
A life you can't stand

It's like a monster that keeps tearing you down when you reach the top
A beast that refuses to stop
And you continue to fall

What must you do?
Slay this beast?
What must be done to make this monster leave?
Only you know

Because the monster that keeps making you fall
Is you.

Today I found a friend,
Who knew everything I felt.
She knew my every weakness,
And the problems I've been dealt.
She understood my wonders,
And listened to my dreams.
She listened to how I felt about life and love,
And knew what it all means.

Not once did she interrupt me,
Or tell me I was wrong.
She understood what I was going through,
And promised she'd stay long.

I reached out to this friend,
To show her that I care.
To pull her close and let her know,
How much I need her there.

I went to hold her hand,
To pull her a bit nearer.
And realized that this perfect friend I found,
Was nothing but my mirror.

I need your help
But you don't care
This is hurting me so badly
It's simply not fair.

I dont deserves this
Mostly from you
I know I'm not perfect
But what should I do?

Don't worry honey
you need to chill
think that things work out
and they most likely will

Take a deep breath
sure there is lots to fear
but nothings ever perfect
so lets make this very clear

Your life is a waste
if you worry all the time
so take it day by day
and it will turn out fine

Calm, serene, unending blue
Gently lapping over you
Dozing warmly, adrift on air
Peaceful silence everywhere

Choppy, rocking tossed around
Churning, roiling, will I drown?
Help! Where did the calmness go?
Ocean, are you friend or foe?

Slowing, drifting, touching sand
Is it better seen from land?
Peace, serenity back again
The ocean , certainly, is a friend.

Dear old pen on paper,
You would never break my heart
And you wouldn't take our friendship
And let it fall apart

I know you'd never backstab
I don't think that you'd lie
As long as I still want you
We wont have to say goodbye

If I told you that I felt love
You would say you loved me too
With you I never feel left out
Or wonder if you're true

I think you're mine forever
You're the only one around
Who isn't messing with my heart
And hasn't let me down

So thank you pen on paper
You are my one true friend
And if you swear to do the same
I'll be here till the end.

The pain you've caused me to feel
Made everything so unreal
All the tears I cried
All the times you lied
Im suffering in this horrible pain
This feeling drives me insane
You left me with nothing but a broken heart
Watch as my life slowly fall apart
I just want to be done with you
I know life can always start up anew
I want out of this feeling of everlasting devotion
I’m through with my life being in slow motion
I’m going to forget about you now
It will be hard but I will never turn to you again this I vow

You want all those around you
to be happy all the time
so you ignore your own needs
and tell others that you're fine

And slowly as time passes
your smile will decay
and what once made you happy
will start to melt away

Outside you are dancing
you keep the others pleased
it doesn't take much effort
you can do it all with ease

But inside you are hurting
and you wish that you would die
yet none of those that you have helped
bother to ask why

Sleep comes to me slowly

But so does the realization of this memory

I could forever sit and wait

But piece by pitied piece my heart would break

And it wouldn’t matter if you leave me now

But don’t stay to get my hopes up, my feelings are bound

I’m *******, shut up, and let down

You should’ve known, you’ve been here long enough

And I can’t breathe so easily, every motion of you repents love

I’m stuck here in this infinite suspense

Untie these strings, break down this fence

How can I believe that you’ll stay

Your love is like a thread, torn and frayed

I hope you don’t mind this, maybe even prove me wrong

And finally begin a story out of this prologue.

No friendly gestures.
No fake smiles.
No hugs no kisses.
I cant be wowed.
No reason to run.
Your time will come.
Love hurts thats why they say knowledge is pain.
My pad and my pen are my best friend.
Don't look at the way I dress or the color of my skin.
Get to know me the person within.
Until then I will still win.
Because the pad and the pen will tell a story again.

No need for nonsense,
I’m taking the time to trust.
Safe and secure in his arms.
Sealing our perfect pinky promises with kisses,
Sharing secrets under silent stars,
Dancing until daybreak.
We find eternity in each other’s eyes.
Falling for my first “forever.”

I see the snow whispering
The secrets that it’s held
Watch the cold caress my face
To show that it means well

I see the sun melt ice cream
The treat cries in despair
And a breeze carries its soft sweet scent
The season without care


I see the leaves re-dress
In their formal gowns
From colors of a lovely red
To deep and hopeless brown

I see the flowers all awake
Rising from their beds
The petals fold out colors
And the trees all shake their heads


The sharp contrast of hot and cold
The way the seasons change
It’s just the earth telling us
Sometimes things re-arrange

I watch her from a distance
Waiting
Screaming through my soul
And she doesn’t know I’m there.

I see her in my dreams
Wishing
My heart about to explode
And she doesn’t know I’m there.

I gaze upon her sparkling eyes
Holding back tears
I feel I am paralyzed
And she doesn’t know I’m there.

I watch her walk away from me
Frozen
I will never see her again
And she doesn’t know I’m there.

I can’t forget her perfect smile
Stigmatized
I know she’s somewhere out there now
And she never knew I was there.

Everyone's stuck
Inside there own mind
Feeling these things the same.


They think that they're lost
But they never were found
We're all playing similar games.

I sat along the lonely shore
Taking in the ocean waves
That hit against me slowly
Engulfing all of the fears I had carried with me.
I swam through the water
Fought through the waves that prevented me
From getting to the opposite shore.
I overcame the tsunamis
And survived the thunderstorms.
Through my journey, in the ocean of emptiness,
Just when the water was about to drown me
In its hidden cemetery..
I looked to the sun for the strength and vitality
That would keep my head above the water
*Even if my thoughts were swimming deep.

Nobody knows the real me,
And if they did,
I would be surrounded by pity,
’Cause no one has seen,
The mess inside of me.
I can’t keep it in much longer,
But it hurts so much to remember,
If I don’t get it out soon,
I will surely break.
The mess inside of me,
Wants to be cleaned up,
And the only way to do that,
Is to get my story out in the open.
But to do that,
Would drag out painful memories,
Which I am not yet ready to face,
So won’t you look into my eyes,
And see the mess inside of me?
I need your help,
Because this mess,
Is to much for me,
To bear alone and in silence.

True love cannot be explained
It’s something you’ll die for that is not feign.
It’s not just three words tossed around here and there
It’s something you feel, something worth care.
It’s not about princes with princess brides
It’s the feeling of warmth when you meet their eyes.
It’s not earned by sword or trial by fire
It’s the feelings of a heart that will never tire.
It’s not in the malice of an evil grin
It’s the warm sweet voice you here in the wind.

True love cannot be explained. Because if you truly love someone
*.... you can’t say why.

My heart won’t beat
Unless you start it
So wind it up
And let me go
I will run a thousand miles
Trying to collect
What’s been lost from me
I promise
When we collide
The sparks that ignite
Will light the world
For only a day
But what we make of it
Is truly up to you
I will be content
Listening to your soft breath
As you hold me tight
A faint heartbeat
Whispers everything will be alright
With only 24 hours
We must live up to the moment
With every precious second
We must act like it is the last
What little time we built
So delicate
Oh so beautiful
They will never think to look
Where we hide
Behind our eyes
Runaways
Holding the others heart
Walk in stride
Side to side
Pacing through our day
Once the sun sets
The heart rests
And these feelings fade away
Be glad we made the best of it
As the light
Of our day
Dims away.

I'm a pretender.

Filled with nothing but confusion.

I may look whole.

But I'm no more than an allusion.

I try to feel complete.

But the puzzle pieces are still scattered.

I'm trying to hold on.

Then I slip and all is shattered.

Love takes you away
so you might not return to day

It makes you go to a place
you always wanted to taste

When it burns in your heart
like some sort of mystical art

You could try to fight
but it wouldn't feel right

You need to just give in
let the love flow from within*.

It’s coming, believe it or not.
In fact, It’s already here.
What if I told you It’s been here for years?
Since you were born, Since your parents were born.
Even before that.

Can you guess It?
I’ll give you a hint;
It never looks the same.
It’s always different. Always in a different place.
Always affecting different people positively and negatively.

It never takes a break, even when It’s taking a break from you.
It never shows its face, even when It’s standing right in front of you.
It comes at you so fast, you don’t have time to prepare yourself.
It’s there when you wake up, go to bed, go to school.
It’s happening everywhere.

It can make you feel disoriented, abandoned, and anxious.
It can make you feel courageous, independent, and capable.
Too much of It can cause corruption, discomfort and chaos.
Too little of It can cause frustration, lethargy and dependency.
It means nothing one minute, but everything the next.

It is a very dangerous thing;
yet today’s society cannot survive without It.
So what is It?
It’s-
Change.