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809 · Oct 2011
How Do You Feel
Paula Swanson Oct 2011
How do you feel anger,
when you won't allow it to feed?
You don't attempt to digest it,
give yourself the release you need.

How do you feel joy,
when only hollowness prevails?
Existing is what you do,
when life for you has failed.

How do you socialize,
when alone is all you need?
when behind the doors is safe,
no interaction is now your creed.

How do you feel anything,
when its all been stripped away?
Placed somewhere deep inside,
away from the light of day.

How do you explain all this,
to those that walk not your path?
When to them it is so easy,
to feel, live and laugh.
808 · Jul 2010
Natures Name
Paula Swanson Jul 2010
A name that brings rain to mind,
washing fresh the air.

Clouds embracing night time sky,
moonbeams scattered there.

Winds that carry scents aloft,
having me breathe deep.

Lightening dazzling the eye,
memories I keep.

Snuggle in quilts soft,
or stand on the porch to watch.

Cup of hot chocolate,
in my hand, with foamy froth.

Lights out, candles lit,
there were times it gave a scare.

Each time I hear it,
the name, Stormi, takes me there.
806 · Jun 2010
Brothers
Paula Swanson Jun 2010
There was a time when my oldest was young, we thought we were going to lose him.  It all started with recurring headaches he would have.  These headaches became more frequent and intense over a few months.  Next, tremors started to acompany the headaches.

After countless trips to the Doctor and many days of having to leave work to go get our son from school and help him thru these episodes, I blew a gasket.  I demanded a CT scan.  I think that the only reason the Doctor agreed to it was to shut me up.  But I knew in my Mother's gut, that these were not migraines.

The day of that CT scan, they had my son lie down on the table.  They injected a tranq into his I.V.  The CT started.  I sat in an area where it allowed me to see my son and hear the technicians.  At first they were very chatty with one another.  One tech said, "He is asleep now, we can proceed."  They spoke in general terms about this and that as the scan continued.  Then the dread words were said by one ...."Oh ****!"  the tech said.  After that, silence.  No more chit chat.  Nothing.  My heart dropped.

After the scan was over, I was told that I would be hearing from his Doctor in about 24 hours.

Two weeks later, I recieved a call from the Docotors scheduling nurse.  "Why haven't you come in to see the Doctor?"  She demanded.  I explained that I was told that the office would be calling me to schedule an appointment.  The she exclaims..."You need to get in here right now.  Don't you know how serious this is?"  
WELL I DID NOW!

Long story short, he had an arachnoidal cyst.  The left temporal lobe of his brain was not there.  In its place was a large fluid filled sack.  The pressure was causing all the symptoms he had.

After more visits and much gut wrenching, the surgery day arrived.

It went well.  He has a tube implanted just under the skin that runs from his skull to his belly to let fluid drain.

But the place I want to guide you to now, is in the Hospital room.

There was our son.  Lying in the big white hospital bed.  he himself, almost as white as the sheets.  his head bandaged, tubes everywhere.  In the room with me were two friends from work and our younger son.  Two years younger.  So he was 5.

As our son started to wake up, his first words were.."Where's my brother?"

His brother flew to his side.  "I'm right here!"  he said as he grabbed his older brothers hand.  Very weakly Jess was able to say   "I love you Mike."  Mike in turn said  "I love you Jess."

That was the one and only time I cried during the whole ordeal.

Jess made a complete recovery.  No Problems.  The rest of his brain had taken over the work the temporal lobe was suppose to do.  A miracle.

What I found so amazing was that I never once shed a tear during the lead up and the findings and the aftermath.  Not untill I heard those words expressed by my sons to one another.

Most children would want their Mother or Father at a time like that.

Nope!  My boys were joined at the hip, so to speak.  Those few words spoken to each other confirmed the special bond I knew they had, that has never wavered.
True life is so much more compelling than fiction and verse.
803 · Jul 2010
911 And Beyond
Paula Swanson Jul 2010
Beyond tragedy, there is a hidden strength that comes to the fore.
Strength to do what must be done, welling up from deep with in our core.


Fortifying us, pulling us up on our feet, when our steps falter.
Helping us to guide others, who are victims of the Assaulter.
Allows us hope, when there is none to be found, and sadness invades.
Showing us, with new eyes, that which will be our future and bright days.
It is that same strength, that lets us say our good byes to loved ones,
continuing on, keeping pride in them and our Nations Sons.
With it we embrace the blow that has been dealt us, making us stronger.
Defeat is never spoken.  We live with the changes and fear no longer.


It is our strength, that binds this Nation as one, above the cries.
For America may bleed, but we shall not ever lie down and die.
798 · Jun 2010
Stark Shards
Paula Swanson Jun 2010
.....Not only do we grow numb, but resentful,
to the truths that we now know as lies.
Lies that glisten upon the floor  
within those shards of broken, reflective glass.
Glass and blood.
Blood which adds contrast, allowing splinters
to stand out in the starkness.

Starkness is in the clarity we yield when our thoughts
arrest our actions, before there are no "do overs."
Over the course of years, we watch in wonderment,
abject terror and denial, that which we have transformed into.

To see in the mirror the Gods honest truth of yourself,
and loathe it.
It is not anger that makes one lash out, to break the image which leers back with no
pity, no reason, no answers.

Answers we have plenty, truths, we have not.....
I would like to dedicate this poem to the outstanding poet who inspired it.  Mr. John Patrick Robbins.  Had it not been for his deliciously dark poem "Shards"  I would not have been able to write Stark Shards.
So, to a friend, poet and all around great person, I offer this poem.
Paula Swanson Oct 2010
Hello,
    I would like to introduce you to a dear old friend of mine.
    I made his acquaintance by pure accident.  You might say, we bumped into each
other.  Oh, silly me.  You thought I speak of an actual person.
   No.  I hold here in my hands, a diary.  Not just any diary filled with day to day
frilliness of a Victorian Lady.  But, a diary filled with.......
Well, I guess you will have to just wait and read for yourself.  I will just pick a page at
random to start out at.
    The Gentleman who wrote these entries, is a man of many facets.  He is kind;
frivolous; confident; an egotist. He can be filled with anger and then snap, just like
that, be his over the top self once more.
        He is death himself.  He is a Vampire.
    
Ladies and Gentlemen, I offer you a look into
              The Diaries Of Lord Kellington






Whispers of the dawn rush to meet me each morn.  They taunt and tease
me.  "Morning is not long to come.  Your time to play does run out".

Alas.  Tis true.  My time in the night is short.  So I must hurry.  Shall I prowl the night
as I?  Or shall I don a disguise.

Once I think on it.  Either way does not matter.  There will be no eyes.  None to see
after my "kiss".  So sweet and gentle that sip.

It takes just a glance and the other night dwellers know to avoid me.  They sense that
death is my shadow.  Why!  They couldn't be more right.

I will choose swiftly.  So that I may go dance.  Yes!  I love to dance.  Ah.  The night is
my stage.  Truth be told?   I love it!

~Lord Kellington




Hello,
I hope you enjoyed the first installment of Lord Kellington's Diary.  There are more to
come
795 · Jan 2011
Sunset's Promise
Paula Swanson Jan 2011
Within the solitude of dusk,
that gentle hush between day and night,
on my porch I sit, to drink in the sunset.
Soothing my parched soul of the day's strife.
Hues on a star chased canvas,
wrap the sky in robes of flowing pink silk.
With my every breath, colors melt,
to slowly dip into the distant ocean.
It's peaceful radiance speaks, as if to say;
"The night will not exist for eternity."
I feel a love envelop and reassure,
that a new sunset awaits me tomorrow.
Paula Swanson Aug 2010
Once a feral kitten, that hubby took pity on
Found in a scrap yard, to hubby, he did bond.

I carry jars of homemade jam, down the basement stairs.
He swipes at my legs, I drop the jars.  He doesn't care.
I'm straitening the bathroom drawer, he gets all frenzied.
Later on that day, I find, all the contents emptied.

I pick fresh flowers, neatly arrange them in a vase,
it only took few seconds.  There's petals on his face.
Our, brand new, leather furniture arrives, to our joy.
He claws the cushion up, looking for his catnip toy.

Christmas tree full of lights, with my antique ornaments.
He attacked!  Maybe he thought he was protecting us?

You might ask why it is we keep such a rascal cat.
Look at that innocent face.  I couldn't refuse that.
When it is, that we think about redecorating,
we just point and say, "This is why we can't have nice things"
785 · Jan 2011
Inner Flight
Paula Swanson Jan 2011
I seek poetic inner flight,
to pen the beauty that I see.
My words may differ from my sight,
pulled from me emotionally.

To pen the beauty that I see,
needs but the closing of my eyes.
Pulled from me emotionally,
images of life realized.

Needs but the closing of my eyes,
salt in the wounds, responses cold.
Images of life realized,
I go deeper within the folds.

Salt in the wounds, responses cold,
as around me, my world decays.
I go deeper within the folds,
to keep poignant demons at bay.

As around me my world decays,
my words may differ, from my sight.
To keep poignant demons at bay,
I seek poetic inner flight.
784 · Sep 2010
Mom, I Saw Your Face Today
Paula Swanson Sep 2010
Mom, I saw your face today,
looking down on me.
From your picture frame,
you had just turned sweet sixteen.

Even with that smile,
which always reminds me
of your baby girl,
our sister kristi Lee.

I could see that you were sad.
It was there in your eyes.
Your smile failed to reach,
eyes, blue as the sky.

I wish I had been there,
to be your best friend.
We could have talked for hours,
laughed away our cares.

I'm not speaking of,
just when you were in your teens.
But, when I was at home,
is what I really mean.

I know I can't go back
and fix my past mistakes.
But, I wish I could,
for, both our sakes.

Each time we hugged goodbye
and I was off to school,
your eyes smiled at me.
Why is life so cruel?

To make the Angels suffer,
to earn their wings.
Cancer stole your breath.
Yet, your soul did sing.

There's a loneliness in me without you.
But, memories of us remain.
At least I can talk to you,
in your antique silver frame.

Now as I look again,
I see the mischievous way,
your eyes enhance your smile.
Mom, I saw your face today.
780 · Jun 2010
Bury Not I
Paula Swanson Jun 2010
Once it was, they thought me dead.
But in a coma, I lay instead.
I could hear the plans they made
and how it was to rest I would lay.

Its the burial that I fear.
That there be no ones ear to hear.
When crazed, I scream, scratch and claw,
into the coffin wood, from my fingers blood draws.

Unable I, to move but a scant few inches.
In total darkness my mind unhitches.
drowning in my own tears I quake.
Gasping, preying, begging, promises I make.

Yes, its the burial that I fear.

So it is that I vow,
I will come back somehow
and haunt those that throw the dirt,
upon my coffin, when I'm alert.

If you want peace after my demise,
cremation it is, would be most wise.
For then it is my spirit sets free
and that I truly am, dead as can be.
Paula Swanson Oct 2010
I am a monster.

I could be nothing less.

I murdered for three nights.

I glutted on the blood of my victims.  Their throats torn away in my need.  Bodies left strewn in the gutters, alleyways and back rooms of the brothels.

Young or old.  As long as their souls were black and evil....I fed.

I cared not for their pleas.  As I did not enthrall them.  Their screams and fear sweetened the wine.  

I am covered in their gore.   Head to toe, I reek of the rotted stench.  

I have no idea the count.  Only the recollection of freedom!  I reveled in my glory and monstrosity.  I was overcome with the very nature of my being.  I was intoxicated by the moon and the mortal beasts needs.

Yet,  I sit here, quill in hand.  Waiting impatiently for the next full moon.

~Lord Kellington
775 · Nov 2010
So Rare A Soul
Paula Swanson Nov 2010
So rare a soul, I found in you.
Grandpa, Dad.  To me you were both.
Salt of the earth, by those who knew,
you stood by your friends and your oaths.

My North Star, guiding my morals,
of fears, you were there to console.
Taught me life is color neutral.
Encouraged me to reach my goals.

Your heart, as big as all outdoors,
helping anybody in need.
Gave me the nudge, to learn to soar.
Your examples, planted the seeds.

Your one in a million, to me.
This world is less now, with you gone.
Of your counsel, I do still heed,
"Don't do it, if you think it's wrong."
For Grandpa.
775 · Jul 2010
Scaramouch
Paula Swanson Jul 2010
From the rimy ruins of Abbey Carth,
the Scaramouch, did tarry march.
Bold, be he in his deeds, with voice.
Cower, he will, when given choice.
Want, is he, of a heroes ilk,
bedecked of medals, braided silk.
Bringing up the rear in battle,
he be not, a man of mettle.
Cannon fire does make him quiver,
staying hidden, he does shiver.
But, when it is, the battle ends,
in charge he was, he does pretend.
Gladly he will tall all his tales,
emboldened by a cup of ale.
How he, led men into the fray.
Encouraging them to hold, stay.
Of shots he fired, left and right.
Of his boldness,  of his might.
He is a legend, in his mind.
It is there, his courage, he finds.
770 · Jan 2011
Have You Wounded
Paula Swanson Jan 2011
~~Words seem so innocuous
when viewed in dictionaries.

Simple nouns, verbs and adjectives
when used convolutionary.

Wounds a soul with barbs intended
in comments diversionary.~
~





**meaning:
Words can be so tame when
seen individually.
Yet string those words together
twisted their intended meanings.  
Hidden agendas.
They can wound another when
those words are placed with in
a comment meant to steer others away
from the barb meant for one.
769 · Jun 2011
Love In Sonnet Form
Paula Swanson Jun 2011
You are that, which soothes my night,
when unsettled I rest not.
Your touch, soft as candlelight,
when gentleness I have sought.
Deep in your gaze, I am caught,
by the fire that they hold.
With you, my love, I want for naught,
as with strong arms you enfold.
By your right side, you do hold,
keeping me not below nor behind.
As one we face life, as unfolds,
our love that transcends time.

Of this bond, I am ensured,
as souls entwined, love shall endure.
765 · Oct 2010
Magazine Lies
Paula Swanson Oct 2010
A sweeping staircase is her stage.
mahogany and marble.
Dressed to thrill, a fashion plate,
your heart she will ensnarl.

Each step she takes is calculated,
to keep your eyes upon her.
With waistline tight and neckline low,
accentuating the lure.

Her dress does slip, down behind her,
like a river, flowing red.
A sultry pout worn on her lips,
her eyes, promising her bed.

Perfection, there, before you now.
Yet, there stands an obstacle.
There's no chance, for she is just an
airbrushed, magazine model.
Paula Swanson Oct 2010
Crystal is once again, up the draperies.
She has a veritable path of claw marks
leading from the floor to the curtain staff.

I have decided to ignore her when she does this.
But, as she is lurking behind me, atop the draperies, it is not an easy task.
At any moment, I expect her to pounce.
Ah!  Like father, like daughter.... in a sense.

I realized tonight that I excel at being a Vampire.
never a drop goes to waste.
Never a witness spies me.  Not one that lives, that is.
Never do I go hungry.
Never am I bored, or boring.

Why only earlier this night, I went to the Ballet.
A spritely tune was played by the orchestra, while dancers ran hither and yon upon the stage.
I was dressed all in black.
Bland I know.  But "Society" demands somber dress
at the oddest occasions.

I have my own box, from which I enjoy my privacy, while enjoying the entertainment.
Oh, not the entertainment on the stage.
The entertainment of playing the gallant host to my next meal.

I wine and dine them.
Regale them with lively anticdotes.
laugh at the right moments.
Look regretful, when called for.
Show shock, when due.
Outrage, when warranted.

In the end, they leave my box and my company, none the wiser.
mayhap a bit wan and listless.
But, always grateful for a lovely evening.
They always blame their condition on the wine.
Ha!


~Lord Kellington
Paula Swanson Jun 2010
Perfection is but a day dream away,
I usually go there at least once a day.

When stress in my life gets to be too great,
I sit back, close my eyes, breathe deep and wait.

Slowly the scene behind my eyes does gel,
a scenario I know all too well.

Once again I am thirty-nine, pain free,
there never occurred this back injury.

Here in my arms I hold my first grandchild,
without pain in my legs and back screaming wild.

Then when she is two and yells "Gamma, run",
off I go, joining in, I'm having fun.

All my grandchildren can run up to me,
hugging me deeply, wrapped round my knees.

Piggybacks, peek-a-boo, tag and jump rope,
all these things I can do in my day dreams of hope.

My sons come up and give me big bear hugs,
I am able to reciprocate that love.

At our sons wedding, with my husband I dance,
without giving that cane a thought or a glance.

No scars across my front, nor down my back,
titanium bars and screws, I lack.

I can swim, twist, jog, laugh with life and bend.
I wish my perfect world, when I open my eyes, wouldn't end.
757 · Aug 2010
Cards Of Fate
Paula Swanson Aug 2010
Fate always has and always will,
hold the deck and deal the cards.
The "House" has the advantage still.
In the Casino of life, play and play hard.

Play to have fun, yet , play to win.
Just keep this fact, as your haven.
No one gets out rich in the end,
best we can do is to break even.
752 · Jan 2011
My Heart Springs
Paula Swanson Jan 2011
I open myself up to Spring,
anticipating  gifts that it holds,
renewal and the new life it brings.
I'm drawn to what the season unfolds.

Anticipating gifts that it holds,
like Lilacs, enticing butterflies.
Drawn to what the season unfolds.
Reborn as the morning dew dries.

Like Lilacs enticing butterflies,
my face I lift to warm sunshine.
Reborn, as the morning dew dries.
To life's beauty, I had been blind.

My face, I lift, to warm sunshine.
Fresh air fills my lungs and soul.
To life's beauty, I had become blind.
Go forward in life, my new goal.

Fresh air,  fills my lungs and soul.
Renewal and the new life it brings.
Go forward in life,  my new goal.
I open myself up to Spring.
750 · Aug 2010
Viva La Difference
Paula Swanson Aug 2010
We would be stagnant down to our core!
Where would the challenge be in life's game,
if we had all been cut out the same?
Our lives would be just one big bore.
No personalities to explore.
We'd just be another What's-her-name.
No imaginations to inflame,
no reason to open our minds door.

So sing out, Viva La Difference!
Go embrace, all of those silly quirks.
Of unorthodox, show tolerance,
within "The box", you weren't made to lurk.
To be unique is a preference,
it's what makes all humanity work.
Form:  Italian Sonnet. ( Letters denote rhyming lines.)  abbaabba cdcdcd (or, cdecde)
748 · Jul 2010
Heart Blown Astray
Paula Swanson Jul 2010
Lest the wind blows my heart astray,
into lying eyes and colder arms.
I shall keep a fair distance away,
this dangerous love can do no harm.

Into lying arms and colder eyes,
I am drawn as the moth to flame.
This dangerous love can do no harm,
if I do not, myself, play this game.

I am drawn as the moth to flame.
The seduction is almost complete.
If I do not, myself, play the game,
I shall not sip a love so sweet.

The seduction is almost complete.
For myself, I must hold respect.
I shall not sip a love so sweet.
You offer more than I should accept.

For myself, I must hold respect.
I shall keep a fair distance away.
You offer more than I should accept,
lest the wind blows my heart astray
Pantoum
737 · Jan 2011
It Will grow Back
Paula Swanson Jan 2011
I stood and grimaced into the mirror.
Every single hair, it's end was split.
So, out came my trusty shears.
And that's the long and short of it!
734 · Feb 2011
Eternal Bonds
Paula Swanson Feb 2011
Bound by soft red velvet bonds
                              souls across eternity
                                     for so brief a moments time
                                                        connect here on Earth
Paula Swanson Oct 2010
I am wondrous!
A sane person thinks me mad.
Ha!  But then again, the insane
will think I am sane.
I have fooled all of them.
I have even fooled myself.

Which is not easy.
Considering I am so intelligent.  Yes?
Last night the dancing was....Ahhhhh!
Given the company there.

A boring little affair.
I invited myself to.
Well,  up until Ansel swooned when
he spied a bug....dead...on his
half eaten cake.

All eyes were on him.
I can be such a Pixie at times.
He never saw me as I came
up behind and plopped the poor bug on.

Oh, but the music.
Exquisite to my ears.  I heard
every not.  Preternatural hearing
is such a grand thing to have.

Young Miss Silversmyte did come
to dance with me twice.
Such a lovely throat.  Had I not
eaten early on, she would have made
a sweet treat.

Oh, but how I danced.
Not a step was out of place.
I was superb.
Several dance partners I had.
Why.  They were waiting in line.

I think I am drunk on my
own grace and powers.
The sun is coming.
"Tis time for me to retreat,
and sleep the sleep of the dead.
I wonder.  Do I dream?
Paula Swanson Jun 2010
Whispering endearments, you play your part.
Smoothly getting girls to let down their guard.
For a man of your oily charm it isn't hard.
You know how it will end right from the start.
Making sure that cupid you always outsmart,
by in the end always playing your wild card.
shattering their love in to tiny shards,
protecting the moving target of your heart.

One of these days you surely will be shot.
With an arrow right through that big bulls eye.
Then once and for all you will be caught,
yet by then, all womankind will then be wise.
Thus, you will languor, your heart in knots.
With only your wounded ego as your prise.
form:  Italian Sonnet
rhyme scheme  abbaabba cdcdcd
732 · Oct 2010
Please Pass The Entrails
Paula Swanson Oct 2010
You stand at your front door.  Looking down, you see horror.  You freeze in that spot as from under the door, comes the ****** seepage of carnage.

It pools around you.  As you push open the door and walk in, it makes a sickening squishing and suction sound.  The gore seeps into your sandals.

You know that you shouldn't, but fear also rules curiosity.  You walk further into the room.  Afraid that something is going to attack.

As you step through the room, you here an odd pop .  You gaze down at your feet.  There oozing over your toes, is the remnants of an eye.

Your throat starts to burn, as the bile rises up.  Your eyes lose focus.  You faint and slink to the floor.  You lay cuddled in the blood.

Upon your waking, you find yourself soaked in the blood.  It is gelled in your hair.  When you can finally stand, bits of raw flesh cling to your clothes and cold skin.

There before you are your freshly painted walls.  Covered in...someone.  It is then that you notice that you front door is now shut...and locked.

All you can think of, is the plumber that you had called in to fix you leaking kitchen faucet.  Oh no!  Is that a pipe wrench?

A noise from behind, has you quickly spinning around.  You see a shadow move.  It slinks in to the kitchen.  You give chase.  Stepping on entrails.

You had dreaded this.  You knew it would happen again.  There is no way to stop it.  There, like the last time,  on the kitchen floor is Diablo, your cat.  Daintily licking it's paws.  Looking very satisfied with himself.

You walk towards your little demon of a cat.  It stares back at you with eyes, green as jade.  You stand there, not knowing what to say or do.
As Diablo looks and says......

"Next time, order Chinese, O.K."



Ahhhh, I hope I scared you a bit.  This is my Halloween offering for Oct. 5th

Bwwwaaaaahahahaha
727 · Nov 2010
My Love Letter To George
Paula Swanson Nov 2010
My love for you rests gently,
with whispered words unspoken.
My words, poetic tokens,
I offer to you purely.
Within this letter, sweetly,
emotions have awoken,
that bind our souls unbroken,
with velvet bonds completely.

I sing with your every touch.
Yet, die, when it is you leave.
We joined as one, from the start,
the moment our lips did brush.
Forever I will believe,
we live in each others heart.
722 · Jan 2011
My Personal Epiphany
Paula Swanson Jan 2011
We set it out, for all to see, word by word.  Like tombstones in a cemetery, bearing witness to
our thoughts.  Which allows ourselves, yet again, a brief respite from reality.  For within our
blood sings poetry.  Our tears cry its rythym.  Our determination its rhyme.  And within the
prose and verse we post, we relate to others like ourselves each time.  It was at that moment,
upon my first poem going out onto the net that I realized.  I am not that unique after all.
Paula Swanson Oct 2010
Crystal, my flea bitten nuisance of a kitten, brought me a little token of affection tonight.
I deplore mice.
Even dead ones.
Filthy buggers.

But, there sat Crystal.  Mouse at her feet, mewing at me.  As if to say
"See, I love you, even if you are a blood lusting monster of the dark."

I admit, she only mewed once.  But I am certain, that is what she meant.

So as not to hurt her feelings, I donned on of my least favorite pairs of gloves and picked the rancid vermin up.
But I drew the line of pretending to eat it!

I must remember to burn those gloves.

Odd.  The candle on my desk sputters.  There is a breeze.  Although the door to my lair was tightly shut.
There is only on other way in or out.  That would be the  small tunnel I dug for Crystal.  So that she may come and go as she pleases.
Ah.  But here rests my cantankerous little fiend upon my lap.  
The breeze brings with it a scent.  One I know all to well.  
Blood.
My lair has been breeched.
Time to hunt.

~Lord Kellington
708 · Jan 2011
Untitled
Paula Swanson Jan 2011
~~Words seem so innocuous
when viewed in dictionaries.

Simple nouns, verbs and adjectives
when used convolutionary.

Wounds a soul with barbs intended
in comments diversionary.~
~





**meaning:
Words can be so tame when
seen individually.
Yet string those words together
twisted their intended meanings.  
Hidden agendas.
They can wound another when
those words are placed with in
a comment meant to steer others away
from the barb meant for one.
702 · Jun 2011
He Speaks
Paula Swanson Jun 2011
Beside the rugged beauty of weathered peaks,
Pines and Aspens, from its shadows, speak.
They tell of era's gone and of changing times,
the coming of man and his God he seeks.

The tranquil lake, that gives life to all.
The changing colors, from Spring to Fall.
The birds that fly, the deer that roam,
from the mighty Grizzly to ants so small.

Beauty surrounds, if your willing to see.
God, need not be such a mystery.
He is there in the mountains and in your heart.
Nature, is His way, of speaking to Thee.
698 · Sep 2010
Silent Love
Paula Swanson Sep 2010
Love notes written on scraps of paper,
placed on a mirror or in a wallet.
A few vowels mixed with consonants,
sitting just briefly, on the palate.

Our years have seen missives of the heart,
lilting soft, as snow in the wind.
There is much more to our attraction,
that keeps passion burning till the end.

Just the touch of your hand upon mine,
does stir my soul, makes my heart quicken.
My first smile of each day does come,
with your soft kiss, as I awaken.

When our eyes meet, across a full room.
Distance dissolves, there's no barrier.
I feel the rush of heated message.
Of your every move, I become aware.

In the evening, when the lights turn low,
silently you draw me to your chest.
I would die happy, just to know that here,
for all eternity, I would rest.
Paula Swanson Oct 2010
I had gone looking for trouble.
I found it.
I had awoke in a sour mood.  Very unlike myself at all.  I am usually, always in good cheer.
Almost, always.
I was spoiling for a fight.
The need radiated from me.
Even Crystal could sense the difference in my demeanor.  
The flea bitten, sweet, craven coward.
After donning my new Peacock blue cloak, with the black pipping and carrying my gold tipped, lions head walking stick. I left straight away.
I walked for miles.  Ending up in the seediest part of the city.  The Docks.  
I aimlessly wandered the filth strewn, cobbled streets.
Passing many an Ale House.  
Finally, my preternatural hearing found the sounds of a fight.
Why, it was an all out riot.
Off I flew to join in.
Fists flying.  Daggers plunging.  Walking stick cracking skulls.  (that would be me)
What fun!
I held back from using my immortal strength.  I wanted to feel each time my fist met flesh.   To have to Pick teeth out of my knuckles.
One chap actually caught me a rather right smart jab to my chiseled chin.
Exhausted, the men crumpled to a heap.
Only I remained standing....and the fifteen or so Policemen watching the fray from a respectable distance.
I have always prided myself on being a law abiding, upstanding citizen.  As it were.
So, when they started gathering up everyone and loading them into the Jail Wagon.  I went along, as a lark.
What a buffet!
By the time we reached Central Station, I had sipped upon many a fine blood.
When the Police opened the rear doors of the wagon, I jumped down to the ground, tipped my hat to them and simply (to his eyes) vanished.
Preternatural speed can be so amusing, when used correctly.
By now, my description will be bandied about.  A well dressed gentleman ghost.  A polite wraith.  A handsome demon.  
I like that.  A Handsome Demon...very apt.
I am in a much better spirit now.


~Lord Kellington
689 · Jun 2010
Joy
Paula Swanson Jun 2010
Joy
My Mother's shining love
when she tended to her roses
and her children.
Nurturing both to grow strong.
To look upon the world with beauty,
to always give love back.
In dedication to Joy, my Mother.  
Miss you Mom
685 · Jun 2011
Flames death Dance
Paula Swanson Jun 2011
In coals, low and tame,
dance the sparks spellbound,
just as moths to a flame.

Hear their dieing sound,
as embers speak low,
whispers, as death is found.

Rising from the glow,
serpentine, the smoke.
A slow, pungent flow.

The sky, it does stroke,
a lovers caress.
Hoping to invoke

The Goddess Pyralis
679 · Jul 2010
Shadow Play
Paula Swanson Jul 2010
Stare into the fires flame,
against your mind it will wane and wax.
Watch the tendrils of smoke rise,
the lines between light and dark relax.

The glow reaches out just so far,
then sweet darkness reclaims her control.
It is there at that juncture,
where a mind can lose its self control.

One must not tarry there long,
at that gauzy intersection.
For that is where time and space,
bend and twist your eyes perception.

Shadows play along the walls,
blending to be an evil twin.
Remnants that were once familiar.
Even your silhouette will join in.

Shades prance with great joy,
keeping up with the flickering beat.
Your brain will scream "It's not true!".
Insanity is now complete.
678 · Dec 2010
Hollow
Paula Swanson Dec 2010
Can't understand this feeling
Not empty.
For to be empty,
there must be something there first.
I am hollow
a hollowed out log.
The rot of despair grows
and with it,
my emotions die.
A slow and cancerous death,
that I sense,
there within myself.
I live only to exist.
I have lost
my ability to be.
I am no longer a wife,
a helpmate.
I now take up space.
Enter not society.
Do not ask,
what it is I want.
For that, no one needs to know.
No one cares.
I can't even cry.
672 · Aug 2010
Misty Love
Paula Swanson Aug 2010
I see thee in yon grey mist.
A swirling, beyond the pale.
When an errant breeze does kiss,
mixing the ethereal veil.

Mine eyes perceive human form,
my heart yearns that it be true.
Then, away, by wind is torn,
leaving memories of you.

Perhaps tears, within mine eyes,
did a time, confuse my sight.
Having me see only lies,
of a love lost in the night.
671 · Dec 2010
Emotional Suicide
Paula Swanson Dec 2010
Murdered emotions sink deeper into oblivion.  Held captive in a tortured husk of defeat.  Their
shadows wait patiently for my last fetid breath.  Then they may be released.  For suicide is
close to me.  A silken whisper that glides among my thoughts.  A tiny shard with backwards
barbs, which rip the soul upon trying to evict it.  A deceitful promise of forgiven slumber, within
a pool of blood.  A quiet idea upon which I sit.  Icy tears chafe the skin of a hollow shell.  
Leaving acrid scars, seen in my mirror.  My eyes behold my Hell.
Paula Swanson Oct 2010
I don't believe it!
I, the blood thirsty monster
of every nightmare!
Who fills the night time streets with
a true evil unrivaled!

What am I to do
with a tiny white kitten?

It followed me home...truly.
A pathetic little thing.
Probably full of fleas.

I have to buy milk!
I have to buy stinky fish!
What else will it need?

It does have cute ears
and the tiniest pink nose.


IT JUST WENT UP MY NEW VELVET DRAPERIES!

It will not come down!
fine.  It can stay there and starve.
See if I care.

Now I have to go see if I even own a ladder.

My dinner is getting impatient.
He thinks that he is here for a job interview.
As if I have the needs of a butler.

Hmmm.  Maybe I will let him get
that flea bitten thing down
before I partake.


~Lord Kellington
Paula Swanson Aug 2010
The meaning of life,
holds no power over me now.
I wait here for death,
slowly losing the will to live.

Holds no power over me now,
the need to outlive my usefulness.
Slowly losing the will to live,
leaving behind an empty shell.

The need to out live my usefulness,
use to be my only intent.
Leaving behind and empty shell,
"Having lived life to the fullest"

Use to be my only intent.
But, I no longer yearn for,
"Having lived my life to the fullest".
It has no meaning to me now.

But I no longer yearn for
my life.  It has been taken away.
It has no meaning to me now.
Thought I understood it so well

My life, it has been taken away.
I wait here for death.
Thought I understood it so well,
the meaning of life.
This is written in the Pantoum form.  ABC refer to repeated lines
Pantoum:  ABCD  BEDF  EGFH  GIHJ and so on until the last stanza.  Then it is   _C_A.  A Pantoum can be any length.
Paula Swanson Oct 2010
I hold in my hand, a human heart.
A mortal heart.
A dead heart.

Yet, for the briefest of instances, I felt it beat.
That expansion of life.  The thump, that is music to my ears.
He put up quite a fight.
his will was strong.  I had to exert more than a mere thought of will upon his mind.
I had to concentrate as never before.
He was a new experience for me.
It vexed me.

He laughed at me in the end.  
Even as his own life's blood, filled my mouth and flowed down my throat.
Even as his heart slowed, he laughed.
He did not laugh when he saw his own heart in front of his cold dead eyes.

I will keep this heart to remind myself of my struggle with a strong will.  So as not to become to sure of myself and my prowess.  But, I did win.

A paper weight.   Or I could rest my quill within it, like a pin cushion.
It looks rather nice upon my desk.

~Lord Kellington
650 · Dec 2010
His Last Christmas Eve
Paula Swanson Dec 2010
There stands a tree, in the dark.
Out in the lot, cold and stark.
It's Christmas Eve, in the city.

It's oddly shaped, kind of bent.
Branches bare of Ornament.
No colored lights, twinkling pretty.

Comes a hush, while church bells ring.
Hear the choirs, begin to sing,
as snow, begins to fall, gently.

A homeless man, shuffles past.
Hunched against, winters blast.
Stops, for the shelter of the tree.

He hears the bells and the songs.
Raspily, he sings along.
Smiling faintly, at childhood memories.

As snow settles, on the boughs,
removes his cap, from his brow.
Places it, on the tree top that leans.

To view his star, he steps back,
coughing deep, as his lungs rack.
Life, has not treated him kindly.

He sits down, beneath the tree,
pulls round his tattered coat, closely.
Feeling, cold, tired and hungry.

This old man, alone in life.
Fought in wars, lost his wife.
Wanders, now the streets, aimlessly.

He who never prayed before.
Never passed through a church door,
tonight he whispers, reverently....

"Lord, I'm not the best of men."
"I've committed grievous sins."
"They've led me here, now, to what you see".

"There's no one else, I can blame."
"I must answer, for my own shame."
"I only ask, can you forgive me?"

As his eyes, begin to close,
he sees, one last time, the tree decked in snow.
Swears, he hears angels, heavenly.

He no longer feels the weather.
He now feels light as a feather,
as he dreams, on his last Christmas Eve
638 · Nov 2010
Oscar
Paula Swanson Nov 2010
It was the MSN message boards,
where I fell into accord
with a kind soul, known as Oscar.

Without him, I'd never have dared,
to venture out, my soul to share.
Writing of my tears and laughter.

Though, only seen upon a screen,
his words meant more, than it seems.
Encouraging me, in, writing verse.

His soft critiques and nice comments,
helping me to experiment.
Looking back, he really saw my worst.

Kind words for all who posted there,
we'd come from here and everywhere.
Gladly sharing a piece of ourselves.

Everyday, magically appeared,
the one I came so to revere.
Helping all to see within themselves.

His patience, humor and respect,
within my heart, I have kept.
With poetry, we formed a kinship.

I wouldn't be here, now, today,
writing in different forms and ways.
Had it not been for his friendship.
We know Oscar here as Del Maximo.  I owe, to him, my strength to go out and bare my soul to the world through my poetry. Thank you Del.
636 · Jul 2010
And So My Love, You Are....
Paula Swanson Jul 2010
You are the cooling breeze,
which does soothe my fevered brow.
The sweet water, that does sate,
my parched views of the here and now.
So whispered, your words of love,
as to hear within the bower,
a poetry of chaotic rain,
falling upon the morning flower.
A moonbeam, which guides my night,
when unsettled, I rest not.
So gentling, to my mind,
when a calmness, I have sought.
All these things you are to me,
your very soul, these do impart.
Love brings new meaning when, so dear,
I am nestled against your heart.
For George, without whom, life would not be as beautiful.
623 · Jun 2011
It's Now Who I Am
Paula Swanson Jun 2011
Chase the sun in it's arc.
East to West, avoid the dark.
No matter the amount of light I keep,
my own darkness from within seeps.
To stain the brief respite I find,
deep inside my poetic mind.
From my thoughts to hand to pen,
onto  paper, then rewrite again.
Each revision a shade more grey,
all the colors bled away.
From a wound that refuses to heal,
taking with it my ability to feel,
anything but real anger towards ,
the world in general and what it affords.
At those times it's not me in print,
it's these eleven years in pain spent.
Pretending that I give a dang,
there are no apologies, it's now who I am
618 · Jul 2010
Hmm? What To Wish For
Paula Swanson Jul 2010
A Genie, I found, did offer me,
a few nice wishes.  In total, three.

Now, this was going to take some thought.
To rush into this, would serve me naught.

I mustn't squander this precious gift.
For never again, the top could I lift.

No need, had I, to wish for life long love.
My hubby and I fit like a hand in a glove.

To wish for riches, I would be a dummy.
To me, there is such a thing, as too much money.

Eternal life, would be really a waste.
Knowing my luck, I wouldn't age with grace.

It was then my wishes came to me.
Crystal clear. The results I could see.

My first wish is for man to see where he stands,
in the scheme of things, how he leaves his brand.

Next, I wish for the Earth to be healed.
Free of all pollution, natures beauty revealed.

Last that mankind would actually learn from its past mistakes.
Maybe then, Mother Nature, would quit raising the stakes.
614 · Jan 2011
Precious Angel
Paula Swanson Jan 2011
Unerringly she always knows
when I need a hug.
Or a friend to sit calmly by.
Never does she judge.

I hold her here within these arms,
when the sadness calls.
Lays her head upon my shoulder,
as my tears do fall.

With her overflowing patience,
she accompanies me.
In public, as to seem normal,
not reclusively.

She alerts me unobtrusive,
when fear overtakes.
A gentle touch and eye contact,
tells me I am safe.

Embodiment of humanity,
this hero of mine.
She gives to me daily,
healing over time.

Although she isn't human,
she has done wonders.
Emotional Support Animal,
I couldn't "Live" without her.
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