I sometimes let you fall
Not far
Not hard
But far and hard enough
That my hand
In the small of your back
Around your upper arm
Or waist
Feels heroic
At least
That’s what I hope  

I sometimes fall silent
Not for long
Not for effect
But long and with affect enough
That my words
When spoken
In our space
And your presence
Have weight & substance
At least
That’s what I wish for

I make stuff up
all the time
some stuff I make up
I think
You think
Is about me
when it's not
and some stuff
that I have made up
that you know
isn't about me
actually is
and you're in
some of the stuff
that I have made up
but I think you knew that

You were
the sight
the sound
that began it all
the gentle
warming
the convection
of currents
emotional and thermal
through the simple cup
of milk
the simple cup of milk
that now stands
with a skin
of white slime
impossible to shake
from my finger tip
impossible to
consume
without the sensation
of disposal
of other

Out of time
to do that thing
you always wanted
to do
because
that other thing
that you should have
had checked
is serious
and those people
who meant so much
have passed on
moved on
or moved away
out of time

You keep changing
by inches
ageing by moments
gradually shuffling
towards the light
but I only notice
when we are apart
for a while
when the hours and minutes
can be collected up
into a bundle of time
that means something
in the grand scheme
of things

The spiders are back
Hanging their fine lines
Head high
It seems
Impressively mid-air

Slick shiny slug legions
Leave the lack leaf space
Sliding
towards sleep

Arthritic branches
Swollen knuckles bare
Grasp
At the clean fresh
Cold autumn air

All of those you
danced with
laughed with
loved and
lay with

All of those
you shared with
ate with
gifted
and played with

Remember them
their smiles
their warmth
their stories
and their eyes

Remember
their weakness
their strength
their energy
and their lies

in remembering them
you live

I adore you
being alive
every moment
significant
& celebrated
  
Washing chocolate
from your happy
teeth
with clean
cold wine
and joyous laughter
& later

I envy
your still
unhaunted sleep
& guiltless
dreams

As the munificent
folded
beer mat
beneath
my table leg
you stabilise
my flaws

you settle me

As futile                                
as the listening thrush            waiting                                  
for worms                            
to rise                                    
on your neat
and easy
astro turf lawn  ‬

Find this remnant
in your imagination
because it makes
no sense to me

Is this the moment
when the mother ship landed
in the Pennsylvanian mist
unrecorded
except for one
never believed
in his part dressed
bare footed
madness?

Or the instant
just preceding
the screaming timber truck
wiping away a soul
craving solace
and kind release
to join his life love
so missed
so loved
so long?

Or maybe
God Fearing
our bearded
noble nobody
is standing
in the presence
of his God
and Host
meek, mild
and speechless...

Secret movement
& murmurs;
I see you
in everything
Light and dark
combine
to make your face

Shadows and bird song
evoke summer days
When we walked
talked
& explored;
bonded by our blood
kindred in our kind
sharing nature,
time and contentment

Kings of all;
pathfinders,
brothers,
scarce valuing
sublime
extraordinary days

Because when dark clouds
Come low
You shine through
Gifting light
and your honest warmth

Because when shadows
Cast over
You offer simple
Generous
and welcome salvation

The largest human eyes
I ever saw;
I wanted it to count
for something,
ditto the five fine long bones
of the foot
I was born loving you
I just needed your face to arrive
to make it so

Worn thin
your finger tip
stroking
my long cold cheek
& your dry lips
I am ageing
With no real right to
But not in your heart
My shallow shouldered frame
Combed wet hair
And potential
Staring back
Before I knew
What incredulous meant
You knew loss
Gravel pit deep
And dark

our kindred
coded
poesy
fading
failing
from the very moment
you found it
in your hands

my whispered
particular promises
for you only
petal borne
complex yet
simple sentiment
temporary
as our days

elemental
all of the things
I want to shout
I need
the world
to know
I cannot die
with this unsaid

pressed dry
safe booked
stored and secret
coded corsage
never worn
above your heart
our summer garland
dust

Tonight I’m kicking daffodils
But you’re best not asking why
As I fear
that what you’d hear
would make you want to cry

Tonight I’m kicking daffodils
But don’t ask me to explain
As I fear
that what you’d hear
would make you share my pain

Tonight I’m kicking daffodils
Alone and in the dark
As I fear
that you my dear
might just be the spark

Tonight I’m kicking daffodils
Cos I’ve nothing else to do
And I fear
That it is clear
That all I want is you

i feel
retired
or maybe i died?
Haunting
this house;
confined

The ghost rules
restrict me
from moving
outside;
cruel threshold
Interior

i am real
in the dreams
or on the screens
of those
i choose
to haunt