We listened to that song like it was our only solitude,

Though my only solitude was your voice

The way you belted out the lyrics like a protest

And made sense to those that didn't understand.

Would you know how many times I've tried

But failed always to listen to that song.

My solitude has become a mirage

Or a dream not quite forgotten.

Were you here and not in a pit

Would those words be sung again.

For now I'll let it be as it is:

The sketchy record to a broken memory,

And a time in which our lives were living.

You are a dream in which I'm still dreaming,

So carry on and carry on.

Your essence is foreign to me
For I haven't ever slept before.
What are your eyes when they are not stinging?
Do they smile?
Do they brighten with excitement?
What are your eyes,
I've never seen them so red.
The blood has spilt from your veins
And seeped into your vision.
These tired, tired eyes
You were once so good to me

Give me a moment, my head is spinning

There, your heart's still in place
I'm sorry but I lost your mind.
Forgive me, maybe check your pockets?
The back seat of your car?
Hush, you'll find it soon.
Close those eyes, sweetheart.
Dream of dreaming.

I had a dream last night
where I didn't dream at all.

Everything was numb
and I couldn't shut the blinds

So I pretended to stop existing
like everything else around me.

Always

Time started screaming in my face
but my body didn't move.

Nearly

Making pictures with my hands
in the midnight sun's silhouette.

Noticing things that weren't there before,
like the lint that comes alive

and swallows you whole,
leaving you gasping and retching

Now

in the silence that is your mind
like an old playlist on loop.

*Go to sleep now. You have to get up in a few minutes, sweetheart.

They aren't monsters, they're shadows.

So sleep now, darling, and they'll disappear.

It’s that

Interlude between when you’re sad and happy

Where you aren't quite sure where exactly you are

You knew what sad meant but you don’t know what this is meant to be.


I remember when you said you were going to die.

Your throat kept closing up but it wasn’t me doing it

And then you told me you were numb.

You couldn’t feel anything.

I could cut you if I wanted

But you wouldn’t even know

You’d just watch the blood trickle out of you

Like drops of water in the morning on the windows in winter.

You told me that this is life and

What it was going to come to in the end.

I don’t think I've ever known you happy

You said you were never meant to be.

And then you laughed

And said that it sounded morbid.

But I didn't say anything

Because we knew it was true.


You keep telling me that it was a long time ago

and you’re okay now.

You say that this is the happiest you’ve ever been.

If only your tears would tell me the same thing.

I wish that you wouldn’t listen to yourself

Because that’s what is killing you.


I’ll still be here in the morning, sweetheart.

I’ll still hold your ice cold hands.

Remember how I bought you that summer dress and you
stained my shoulder with your tears after the first time
that you realised your relationship was dying.
How I've bought you a hundred dresses after that and
burned each shirt that you stained with them.

Remember how I sat with you and made daisy chains
because I thought it would stop you from hating yourself.
How you ripped them all up afterwards and stained my chest
instead of my shoulders.

Remember how I've said goodbye so many times yet come back
the next day because I knew no one would let you cry on them.
How you tore me up like you tore those daisies and burnt those
dresses like I burnt my shirts.

Remember how you'll keep this up your sleeve, sweetheart.
How I love you as much as I hate you.

Please don't forget to bring me down with you when you go.