Ill give you that I
never put to much
effort in trying
anything with you,
In fact I used work as an
excuse to not come
home at night, did
whatever I had
to do to avoid coming
home to you laying
on my bed and having
to lay next to you. I
felt obligated to have
*** with you, felt
cheap afterwords and
hated myself for not ending
it. I felt bad that you
had no one in your life
and no one to turn to

Received: Wed, September 30 8:22 am

In my ancestral land  -
A land, you say, of no trees
But wind, and more wind -
You sleep and wake before me

Here, I sink into smooth cushions
And someone else’s words
And a purpled sky
That soothes the longing in me

Until I remember that it is
You I want to sink into,
You I want to hear, only you
I want to soothe me.

You said you needed to find yourself before you could be with someone else.
What kind of ******* is that?
That you knew exactly who you were and at the first sight of me
you lost yourself then found yourself in me.
Making me believe that I was your one and only
To then find out id be one and lonely.
Leaving rigid thoughts to never leave,
Imprints of your hands stay carved between my knees,
Left a void inside my chest
and the feeling of nothingness that lies between my *******.
Missing the reflection of the sunlight’s rays that shined from your eyes
back into mine.
Tainted ticks sing from off my hour glass figure,
I was a waste of your time.
‘cause you wanted a blow
But I wanted to blow your mind,
Graffiti my name into your memory
Until I was all you could see
And you couldn’t breathe, needing me to stay alive.
Resting my head on the pillow known as tissue to my swollen eyes,
crushed.
Your ice cold words playback lines inside my head
that jam to themselves on the same beat as my heart
does.
Trying to find my truth,
Your truth,
And the REAL truth that separate my love from your lust.
Didn’t need you anyway ‘cause you were unworthy of us.

So all that’s left of you is hatred from a ball point pen
Crying through my paper.
Filling the empty spaces we were ’spose to fill together
Erasing doodles of your name written in my margins
Waiting for the next one so I can begin this process again.
Stored pages with words that will never truly have an end.
Maybe in another life we can try to make amends.
I’m simply wanting to be loved,
But not in bed.

Let’s make a promise to ourselves…that we won’t let them take over our lives
That we’ll still make room for friends
That we won’t make a scene if they can’t hangout with us
And that if they hurt us then their gone…
Because no one deserves to lose friends because of boyfriends
And no one deserves to be hurt by stupid guys
So let’s make a promise that we’ll be true till the end
And never let go…

Let’s make a promise to each other....that we’ll take every opportunity that comes our way
That we’ll never let each other down and we’ll always be there
That those desperate texts will never be ignored…
And that we won’t fight over stupid stuff
Because we’re best friends, we’re closer than close…
We’re like sisters,
So let’s promise each other that we won’t leave
And we’ll always be there…

To our mothers and fathers…that we’ll always be their little babies
We won’t fight and we won’t disobey
We’ll always answer our phones
And we’ll never be late for curfew
We’ll never speed or get a ticket…
We’ll never break the law
That we’ll always try our hardest and that we won’t ever lose our innocence.
That we’ll love them always and forever and wont forget them
And we’ll promise to visit them in their old age

Let’s promise god that we’ll keep all of our promises
And that we’ll always pray and be faithful
Because that’s really all you need in life to survive
Faith….so believe
And keep your promises …

I feel like a brick God puts under his foot
to reach higher elevations.
He is reaching for books that will teach
him how to make things unlike this brick.
Things that will alight and make bright
sun in the dark.
It’s hard to be heard,
being a brick under God’ s foot.
Such heavy things do not fit into sound.
But you help. You always help.
You pen your strings to my words
and they make delivered sound that creates space.
You lift my heaviness with God-given hands,
and God-given lips,
and God-given eyes.
I have been told of God-given life,
and God-given greatness.
So what is God trying to teach this brick?