the hardest pill to swallow is realizing
that people who don't get obsessed with you
right away means they aren't looking for someone
to make them feel good
this means they're actually looking at you for you
who you are
then you realize that everyone who got obsessed wit
h you immediately was just because of how
you made them feel
not because they actually loved you

I made the 116mi drive alone
in silence, yet there wasn't a quiet moment
walking the street brought nostalgia
although I had never been there before
I could see it as a place you and I would
go every year - special occasions
as I walked in, I could not recognize myself
I don't think I could see us with this life
in this life, just not the one we painted
at least not as one.

I asked for a table for one.

and every day that went by
I felt like I was selling my dreams
everything vanishing before my eyes
there is a thin line between
comfort and complacency
for I have never sat still
I rather not find out

I love you
not because you try to pick up the pieces
you allow me to do that on my own
you know I am too prideful to ask for help
you stand along my side and hold me as
I fix the distress I have gathered over time
and when I drop my needle and thread
you are patient

your idealization was questionable
your actions went on to prove my point
therefore I am not stunned by the
person you have become

slowly but surely I began to set myself ablaze
all to keep you warm-
I struggled but you would never know
I consider pride my best friend
I cannot be angered
as I did not speak
therefore silence
led by peace

I am still learning how to speak up when I was hurting
I tend to take these things and turn them on the people
I love and care about the most...

she woke me up by kissing me
slowly.
all over.

for a second, she paused.
"I am going to keep kissing you until you wake up"
she warned.

with my eyes still closed, I smiled and told her
"I guess you'll have to keep kissing me forever
because I am not waking up"

and without hesitation,
she said "okay."
as if the thought of forever didn't scare her at all.
as if kissing me was all she wanted for the rest of her life.

and she kept kissing me.
slowly.
all over.