Just finished my watch.
Two long hours of staring into the emptiness of the world.
Can't seem to find the end.
Can't seem to see the light.
Mind-boggling.
Just finished my watch.
Two long hours of staring into the abyss of my ****** up soul.
Trying to find answers to questions that have been crawling through the cavities of my skull since time immemorial.
Hitting plateaus at questions I try to answer.
Then the sudden realisation hits me like a freight train.
Pointless.
Floating away from the abyss and onto the working parts.
Trying to paint the cerebral walls of my skull with thoughts of euphoria.
Plans of the future.
The feeling is astounding.
Racing through my thoughts.
Feeling every atom of this exhilirating make believe.
Every particle of this blissful rapture.
And then, like an architect that gets a kick, I snap back.
Snap back to the emptiness.
Snap back to the despair.
Snap back to reality.
Logic and reason take immediate action trying to tranquillise me before shock and fear of realisation of this fake reality take over.
Trying to show me that thoughts of the future are dangerous.
And hesitantly, Im obliged to agree with them.
******* ******.

Thus he arrived, in this cold, arctic land.
Contrast to the climate though, his heart was warm and ready to take off.
But there was an ongoing war inside his mind.
A constant battle between the Yin and Yang that resided within him.
The Yin echoed through his skull, telling him to "be realistic".
The Yang, with a low, soothing voice that the ancient Orpheus would be proud of, whispers to him to " take a risk ".
Then he started hearing it.
The rhythmic sound of heels thumping against the ground beneath him.
And their eyes made contact.
The rhythmic sound of heels speeds up.
Arms flare.
As they embraced, he noticed there was something different about this entity.
As he held her in his arms, her scent struck him hard.
Tantalising.
As they let go, and gaze upon each other's faces after many years, he took a closer look at her.
There was mixture of seriousness and fierceness, yet her smile,her amber eyes held a spark of warmth and a touch of sadness within them.  
That amber.
Pure captivation.
He was dumbfounded. Blindfolded by the ecstasy that started brewing within him.
But little did he know that those eyes would cost him his peace of mind.
The sleepless nights they would give him, next to her.
Night falls.
As their breaths drew closer and their skins collided, he managed to acquire a tiny glimpse of her soul.
And boy, oh boy what a sight it was for him.
A sight he has not layed his sight upon for what seemed like aeons.
He indulged in it.
Bathed in the brief euphoria of the moment.
But he somehow felt it in his gut that this glimpse would slowly fade away and like a candle it will have shun a "brief but lovely light".
Filled with insolence and stubbornness, he ignored the Yin that was trying to pull him back to sanity.
Almost like builder dusting his shoulder off after a hard day at work.
Ignorance was a bliss.
Or so it seemed.
An illusion.
Days passed.
His fire was suffocated.
Invisible walls were rigged up around the entity he wanted to feel just one more time.
Just once more.
But the light he once had gazed upon, faded.
Vanished.
Unfairness was choking him.
The realisation of the things that would never be came crashing down upon him.
He knew that acceptance was the key.
But that key had locked the gate to his peace of mind
Thrown into a river.
Sinking slowly through the bottomless abyss of despair and anguish.
Never to be seen again.
It's time for him to leave this cold, arctic wasteland.
As he embarks on his journey, the past is floating all around him.
Things that could have been. Things that are waiting for a fulfillment that will never arrive.
Things that will never be.
Παντα ῥεῖ.

Wake up once more in this decomposing world.
The alarm says "Rise and Grind" but all there is to do is to fall and whimper.
Put on a casque and get in on the daily swirl.
Take a seat in my machine and vibe to crowfeathers and pines.  Take a ride through the soulless, empty town only to realise how much I despise it. Step on the gas along with angry beats. And then I spot them.
Pretentious entities that talk more than they crawl.
Their tongues don't phase me though.
Passivity.
I arrive at my floating childhood.
Still stuck between gratefulness and resentment.
Ambiguity.
I enter inside.
Scent of wood.
Memories infiltrate.
I dismiss them only to find myself sitting in front of boredom.
Lifeless things that confer their lifelessness to me.  
Dive into them only to resurface gasping for air.
Focus is of minimalism today. And by "today" I mean everyday. Lay my head to rest but it has other plans.
Takes me on a ride through the fictitious thoughts I create. Anxiety and despair swarm. Contemplation of things that don't even exist yet are still very real.
I erase them.
At least I tell myself that I do. Because they are always around. Their mouths salivating at the chinks in my armour.
Always waiting.
Always watching.