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pandaheart Mar 2014
"you're toxic to me.
she said..
"I need to rid you from my life."
she said..
"the only thing stressing me out right now is, YOU!"
she followed..
after time I became afraid to express myself. I was kind of taught and responded to in a way that made me feel everything I do and anything I say is, wrong.
I don't want to lose her and I want to get these...I need to get these demons out of my mind. they're destroying me, her, us..
I don't want it to be too late.
I like her a lot. I love her too much, i don't know why I'm acting like this.
pandaheart Nov 2013
she's the last rose left in my garden.
I check on her each day since the season has changed and she continues to die and the petals I loved so much fall and fade away, but I will always look at her in the fullness I first set my eyes on. she says I annoy her and look at her weird each time I visit, yet I still think she's beautiful even when she thinks she isn't. hope she doesn't forget the beauty her stigma holds, hope she doesn't forget I'll be out there with her even when it's cold.
the last visits have been hard and she says I'm the reason her existence fades, but maybe her thorns are what's getting in the way. I'm the reason her petals grew. I seem to always destroy what I create..
but_
maybe someone else visited her..touched her petals with poison tips. maybe someone else visited her, wanting her for my favorite fruit, her lovely rose hips..
pandaheart Nov 2013
it's killing me because I can't hear her voice
it's killing me because I can't touch her skin
it's killing me because I can't be near her
it's killing me because she can't feel my love
IT'S KILLING ME BECAUSE I ******* FEEL LIKE SINCE SHE STARTED DOING BLOW AGAIN SHE CHANGED..
YOU ******* CHANGED!
You Changed
you changed........
you changed. I know..I see it.
it's killing me because I love and care for you so much and I can't watch you destroy yourself..
pandaheart Nov 2013
all I wanted was one night to give you your birthday gift.
a gift of no hard value just a gift from my heart a place I shared everything with you from the start.
you had your chance and you replied
I dont care
now im ******* standing on the edge of my heart with fragile words shattered cutting at the insides each time it beats on your eyelids so you can open them and see.
my feet are trembling with a 40 in my hand, residue in my nasal and a memory of what you used to be.
I loved and cared for you even when you were cold I hope you realise I hope you realise ihopeyoufuckingrealise how you acted when I fought for you and how you treated me.
all i have left of you is your faded late night words, the demons that follow, your fears, your memories and stories about your mother.
I told you if I ever lost you I'd write every night until my fingers bled and made the air next to me less hollow.
you were the only person that ever knew me and the only woman I spent hours painting.
your skin was my favorite surface, the highs you gave me and the words you fed me no drug I could ever purchase will make me feel like the way you did, not even the euphoria I get from raving.
your hand electrified mine when you led me through the crowd that night.
the bass shook our hearts in unison and I saw something different in you.
the reason I loved holding your hand so much was because I was inscribing poems onto your hands but now that you left, my words turned to cracks and I could never quite grasp love the same way again.
pandaheart Jan 2014
between..
_a field of bloomed sunflowers complemented by blue skies and fluffy white clouds and a pit filled with venomous snakes under a horrendous stormy sky, we stand on a platform shaped as a question mark.
the question?
| what would you sacrifice and cease doing, if that doing is slowly killing someone who would have a drink for every **** they gave and would be sober if it were anyone else, but would intoxicate themselves to death for you? |
pandaheart Jan 2014
Love me.
Love me.
Show me you ******* love me.
Stop talking to past lovers.
Stop giving them sips of your attention.
I want to get drunk off of you.
I want to be gone.
I want to be numb.
No.
I want to feel every part of your lovely soul.
Please.
Just love me.
Please show me..
I'm drunk, I'm sorry I'm being a bother to you as you just lay there next to me.
our legs are tangled, are our hearts still?

— The End —