Swimming in grey
Drowning in red
Nothing seems real
Just a haze,
A smear of color's
mear pictures passing by

Surrounded,
By nothing more then empty vessels
Nothing more then hollow souls
One after another
Dead eyes & pale skin  

Gaurds watch,
Eagle eyes scanning
Restraints & syringes at hand
Ready to pounce as we stand    
                                      
All in line
A shuffle to the next fix
The glazed eyes
The cool calmness                              
The deafening silence

Water cups passed around
2 pills in hand
Cold and dead to it all
Its all routine
Swallow, drink, repeat

Another day
Another dream          
Another thought                  
Lost, wasted, silenced

We're getting close
I would like more
but I doubt he will

He talks about her all the time
He doesn’t seem to notice me
Doesn’t seem to notice the pained expression

How I don’t smile
Don’t make eye contact
Don’t speak

The smile he gets when he mentions her
Talks about her, thinks about her
All the small reactions no one seems to notice
All the small things she doesn’t notice

The way his lips curl and eyes shine
The way he swipes his hair
His smirk, his pout, his lips

She doesn’t notice
Doesn’t seem to care

...I care
*but he loves her…

I'm the practice girlfriend
held your hand through it all
helped you break your walls
explore yourself inside & out

I let you touch me like no other
poke and **** my curves & insides
I left myself vulnerable to you
to your gentle touch
& sweet whispers of love

I let you climb inside me
let you hold my heart in your hands
let you twist & turn my insides
until we formed one

I was nothing more
then the practice girlfriend
the one that taught you what you know
the one that helped you grow

All I can do is watch
put the pieces of my life together
watch you grow and love another
like we once loved each other

I'm nothing more then the practice girlfriend

There's something inside
its clawing at me
its eating me inside out
its suffocating and killing me
don't know how to stop it
don't know how to release it
and if i could
don't think i would

Is it sadness
depression
madness
or am I self destructing
about to explode
implode
and spit my guts out

what is this
this sickness
why is it taking control
its consuming my mind
consuming my being
what do i do
how do i act

why
why do i have this
what is it in the first place
this pit
this darkness
this endless void of nothingness
this emptiness and death

THIS is consuming me...
a plague and growing disaster

Blistering, Unforgiving
Pounding in your mind
Feasting ravenous
on captured hearts and weakened souls

Evil is a smile with dark intentions
Hiding hate
Longing for revenge
on the innocent, the faithful

Evil will **** itself to get to you
without pity or remorse
it strikes without fear
of the afterlife or judgement

Evil walks,
Talks,
Eats,
Works,
Lives,
Sleeps,
Hopes,
Dreams,
among us all

Evil will be the end of us all

Wrote my first suicide note
at the age of 11
used my first blade
at the age of 12
lost my only friend to suicide
at the age of 14
swore to **** myself
by the age of 17
I'm still here
but my promise still lives
one day
I'll die by my own hand
one day
I'll have the ***** to pull the trigger
one day

Off to where the crazies pace
and midnight guards patrol
where the walls and floors
are spit shined clean
the stench of chlorine
the antiseptic sheets burn my nose.

I can't breath
suffocating in this world
this padded cell
Is this suppose to help?

They have me chained up
****** up
like some kind of animal
holding me down
into a sedated sate of mind.

Their puppet and toy
their experiment
to do as they please
as another needle breaks the skin.

Die
Do it
I dare you

Take the gun
Put it to your head
Pull the trigger

Do it
I dare you

Open the bottle
Take the pills
Lose consciousness

Do it
I dare you

Die
Do it
You won't be missed

Do it!
DO it!!
DO IT!!!

Everyone talks
College, Degree's
So many dreams & wishes
All fallen apart & broken

What now?
Wasted my life
No interests
Just death

There's nothing left
What now?