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palladia Jun 2013
awkward is a promiscuous word. it flirts unintentionally. it seduces mentally. but most of all it's so disruptionally absurd even the first-come-first-serve basis comes 15 feet behind the typical quota. but it really isn't that serious. it would be awkward plus if i wasn't active right now. does that sound appealing to anyone? well it better. i'm no vanguard when it comes to distribution of emotions. they'll be distributed equally, thank you, and don't worry about getting more 'cause they'll be pieced out safe and fair. lord jesus, we need some sorrow-getter-overs in here! i'm always telling those who ask me for advice to relinquish the suffering and let the good times roll. not that it'll save their hides, i snicker mimically and divert the attention to something inappropriately interesting, like a ***** bumper sticker or a animal corpse on the side of the road. and you are gonna turn into one if you don't stop that crying! man i need some fresh air and i'm not talking about the innocent kind. it's more of the obvious, over-cynical cyanide-soaked air that formaldehyde would blush over. there are two r's in sorrow because the s and the o and w need to be capsized into one rowboat. i never thought i would compromise intimacy with loudspeaker attention-grabbers and then the sailboat does a belly-flop and lands head first in the witches' cauldron. which is like Hamlet's, but a lot less systematic and bunches more pagan. it's synthetically miserable but enigmatically moral. dance of the morals is another program i like. it has to do with the regard of selfish hope and loose pragmatism. pagan! ****** i know it's pagan but it's pigheaded trash like that which gets stuck in the garbage disposal ever so often and we don't have no time to clean it out. i use a fish net that once occupied a corner near the stove which had the net chewed through by ***** rats that inhabit the lower quarters of the bathhaus. it's nothing significant really but more or less a principle in not making leftovers from the unknown trashpile near the barn. attention: entrance alert. "too bad for" who cares. i'm sick of this. "too bad for". that's all said? "let's chat a lot" what? i thought maureen was coming over at 7? who left the cat out again--the dog's gonna have a field day playing cops and robbers, and there are always reallive guns. and i'm stuck back at square/ground one/zero figuring out how i'm gonna get the next day's meal without having to cut off my head or make the microsoft paper clip icon appear with those embarrassing clips telling you how you should appear to your boss on your first interview. and find out that he's a man after all. and ultimately regret what you said every two minutes. wish i had contributed crescents more to the goodness, and not brush over like a stuckist's paintbrush. he's actually using blood instead of acrylics- that's when i get running. wish i hadn't have done that. wish i hadn't. we "hadn't" too much, you know? i wish we had to have "hadn't" before it hadn't have been created. still my emotions are sold and i've cast a mold far too ugly to be a stupid cupid. can we get on with the show, please? no thank i've had enough cranberry pie for right now, maybe buttercup the parrot can have the rest? the cat hates water. then why is he swimming in the dog dish? i'm not complaining, just hesitating to say how i feel when i want it. yeah, i know you're looking at me make a sucker outta myself on your camera. all those poses weren't hard to accomplish but you aggrandize the bad and disregard that i actually have good talent after all. crazy 8s. thought i'd never compromise. thought i'd never make a sport out of tantalizing the shopkeeper's parakeet. yeah, they're playing that game everyone calls a bore cuz it is one. why not roast a marshmallow then find a salamander caught between the chocolate and the *******. and we can't have them crackers anyways cuz there's got gluten in them. can we take a walk, i have something to tell you? i have to tell you about my personal life. i don't care if you're bored. darwin was never bored, fyi. i don't want to hear your juvenile complaints anymore. you're always telling me your problems but you never let me talk. but why would you care? and no way am i gonna share? not there. still. you're still not coming around cuz you're crying and i can't take it anymore. stop the tears, i already told you just take another pill and you'll relax. your life can stop in a heartbeat because some freak told you to stop ******* with the power outlet and make an attempt on making it right. how am i gonna make it right? seems good to me to get up and go and never return. seems right to let it all hang lose and think of excuses as a way to win some money. i'm not the principle breadwinner around here, but i'd bake enough bread to feed an army if i had to. a whole cohort of emotional bigots who don't care anything about their stupid, money-******* societies. it's leveled to the drain again, yeah i know you don't understand. i'm done asking. please? do it for me? don't you know i'm hurting myself because... i'm not listening. don't you want to know i'm cutting my flesh because... i have to water the garden. oh dear what was that? whew! almost another collision with a bee. whew--another close one. what about the spiders in the cabbage bed? what why didn't you tell me? yeah, the cabbage patch has produced more memories than heads, and no not those types of heads. a mashup of what i hate most and what i hate least scourged outta me in a whirl. she's going to take a walk. the radio's on and it's hot in here. those maudy days of summer, but i love every shred of them like i do a coat in the winter. the radio's playing my song: doomsday magnificat! i like leather and metal combinations that are sold in a 60s oz town. you can tie and whip me if you conscience can, but not now. it's another adage gone to the birds. oh no the shopkeeper's parrot is out again and i didn't do it! how come i'm blamed for things i don't do? get over it. another fact of life. another testimonial head my way. dodge! that was a flying saucer that almost razed your head. you wouldn't care though because enough has happened today to make your head spin even faster than it already is. and they're real-live which makes me keeping fumbling my too-short curls disintegrated by sheer chauvinism and belated princeness. that's alright. i know how you feel. i know how the world feels because i am the world. and the world is my canvas. and i may dictate what you are allowed and i may waver onto what laws of principalities are shooting up everywhere, but it's okay 'cause there's a lot more to shoot than good time. and those wacked people can form an alliance and take down the stronghold because in reality, you know that you are wacked yourself to say that. i'm sorry you did. the world will keep spinning, snipers will keep killing, conservatives will keep protesting, parents will keep levitating, children will keep withholding, the days will keep heating, the pool will be more refreshing, and yeah mrs. renttib is still coming over. the world is new. and i am young. but we will all stay safe and good in this empyrean. because and i created it. and i established the surveillance cameras, which are everywhere, but don't feel pressed. yes, i'll forever watch your every move, and even though you've done good, i'll still send you to hell. because you belong there. you may begin now. make your tread strong yet gentle. it's not my expense, the water is cooler out here,
                                                                ­                             anyways.
i've had a rotten day, but i wasn't involved, rather- others force it upon me, for condolence's sake.

ah, you've got plenty to be thankful about so why bother complaining? i often try to analyze this, because my life isn't perfect and i'm often ****** into an uncomfortable state, even when i had nothing to do with it. this was written during (+ after) a family argument about help and those who shouldn't help us, and telling others first, and letting everyone know. i think it's better to keep it to yourself or see a psychologist than starting a whole mess like this again. i know people hate that i don't like opening up and sharing but i'm doing it for the good of everyone. i'm the breadwinner of myself; others will only make me file more tax returns, it seems! so i'm upset and nervous and kind of scared. i want to explore it in a different angle and if i have to be crass and confrontational to do it, i say "full speed ahead!"
palladia Jun 2013
my lips speak oracle
the schism is so deep
agnostic hearts and bashing ire
discrimination by desire
a crucible for silver
a furnace for the gold
do you have a curious mind
to explore the limits
we were kept so long behind?
.
.
.
(the devil wages the war on fame)
.
.
and i know i’ll be fighting it
.
  until the end
of the day...
Controversy is a tricky subject to lasso. I'm so bored with the endless debates over things which should already be established. And they're useless. Just a filler for those who have nothing better to do...
palladia Jun 2013
floss through my hair
banjaxing, rucking my skin
wipe the sweat off my forehead
and let me collapse into you
till i’m folded all in one

you want out
of this machine too
you do

please orchestrate
mutter my low grade
i want to slenderize into you
i want my dripping locks subdued
enough to make me pray
“whisper my name”

you want out
of this machine too
you do

cut into my flesh
and remove my defections
adapt my skin to the crown
agent to my tongue
slipping in and out
of my mouth
flesh-spoken
palladia Jun 2013
adrenaline
****** thru my skeleton
i’m overheating
full head of steam
as i please

adrenaline
****** thru my skeleton
i’m overheating
full fledged me

i’ll spew – spew onus
explosive carcass
i can find danger on my own
rabid and hunting lots of erupting
i’ve been snaking in circles
since the word “go”

can you find it?
my 50 part is missing
i’m overheating
out of bounds
as i please

can you find it?
my 50 part is missing
i’m overheating
full fledged me

follow my exhaust trail
if you can zero in on it
à toute force, immediately:
blow this ejecta, out of me!
Yes I often feel like a steamroller—ready to flatten any opposition that blows my way.
palladia Jun 2013
was i that immature i couldn’t even handle it?
was i that irresponsible i couldn’t even pilot it?
tell me please...was i that juvenile?
                    tell me please...could i have done a little more
                                    to be little more mature?

was i that immature i couldn’t even tackle it?
was i that irresponsible i couldn’t even rival it?
                    tell me please...what happened to my rapport?
        tell me please...why did i go that route?
                                 why did i bottom out?

that’s where i’m leveled at, why i can’t interact
just marked as another cookie-cutter product
just some more by-catch trapped in the net
to be shucked off into oblivion next

and you always break it to me at the most unpredictable times
like i can’t take it seated down: one-to-one and the pressure’s on?
{come on!} why so self-confident? you’re not as rigid as you think
tough? no way! and out of sync

you’re so ******...
Everything goes in circles, emotions especially, like here: confessions → pity party → barrage → regain composure. Then it happens again. And again. And again. It’s a cycle—it never stops.
palladia Jun 2013
make love to the radio!
enjoy the taste undercover
and cherish it in the whole lot
until it’s bone-crushing delight

let me come utterly across you
where we can cover
over each part of the universe
while we still have access

overdue for liable spree
and disciple to the entire world
to make sure the show
is worth every bit of the admission

let’s form a mental picture of it
and partake into all of the human experience
try your hand at factoring my figures
tip your hat to my complex

so you can take all your know-how
and superimpose it on around me
together we can shelve our fears
and luxuriate into all the human experience
“Palladium” is a rare earth metal, but as well, a sacred icon of refuge in ancient Rome. Therefore, in its sense, a palladium is a safeguard and reminder of protection—and a reminder for myself. Because my name is Pallas (why the poem is named accordingly), this poem is basically a self-ode—a reminder of my life.
palladia Jun 2013
i’ll be set off
a mushroom-cloud-takeoff
blossoming over
radioactive arms
a state-of-the-art shadow

i’m defending me
ooh in testudo-style
i’m defending me
twin to phalanx columns
tightly compressed in
to make myself less vulnerable

i’m not organic : :  just being cautious
it’s like walking on eggshells around you

yes i’ll sneak up {thick in stealth}
and inhale you Castle Bravo-genre
veiled yet detected
to fall out wrought
such dangerous outcomes

setting up earthworks : :  just being caustic
i don’t have a clue what you’re going to do

i’ve been well endowed
with an abdomen full of silk
to weave a wall
assault on the obvious
befriending the silent...like me
Sometimes I feel inhibited by people around me—what they might say, what they might do—and it actually determines my actions. This is more of a confession than an overcoming victorypoem. I’m concentrating on unearthing the taproot of my weakness, before I **** my garden.
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