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paleanxieties Aug 2014
sometimes i wonder
if my broken smiles
fake laughter and
covered up scars
will ever fade away.

because ****** it's so hard to
keep a smile on my face when
my world is nothing but anxieties
and depressive thoughts invading
my extremely ******-up mind

and i wonder.
god, i ******* wonder
when does it end?
paleanxieties Jul 2015
if my love is an ocean i'm drowning helplessly but still breathing. your eyes shoot daggers through me and your smile sets me on fire and you are killing me, but i love dying. it amazes me that someone like you loves someone like me but we were meant to be and we will be together for an eternity and more. if i could melt you down and build you up with my words i would talk forever because you do the same to me. every time you speak to me my heart melts and i don't get butterflies in my stomach when i see you I get ******* elephants stomping through my insides because god you're walking perfection and i'm just less than nothing and i want nothing more to be by your side for the rest of forever. hugging you makes me feel so warm inside and kissing you gives me chills. if i could give you the world i wouldn't because someone like you doesn't deserve something as ****** as that, my dear, you deserve the stars. i will love you for a very long time but i'm going to start by loving you forever and then some. you aren't just my other half, you are my everything and anything and i love you more than you will ever know.
paleanxieties Oct 2014
The bottle is cold.
Like the frost that covers a
windshield on a cold, crisp,
white December morning.
1
I take one sip from the bottle I so desperately
grasp to, like he grasped the gun
so hard it left bruises
on the day he ended
his own life.
2
Another sip goes down.
It tastes like water,
but burns like fire as it goes down
my throat.
The bottle chills my hands
to the point of my fingers feeling as if
they'd fall off my hands.
3
The poison goes down so harshly.
Yet, the words roll off my tongue, so smoothly,
without any thought to hold them back.
There's a throbbing in my head
but it reminds me of the way your heartbeat felt
when I had my head
on your chest.
I'll miss that.

I've forgotten how many sips I've had now,
5,6, or maybe 10?
I'm trying hard to wash away
the bitter memory of you
with a bitter poison
and the feelings
match up well.

0
The pain of the hangover
doesn't compare to the pain you left behind.
I wish I could fix both.
paleanxieties Mar 2014
this isn't a poem
this isn't a love song
it's my thoughts and emotions
the way I feel about you
this isn't a poem
but i could write a million poems
about your dark brown eyes
and how they light up when i smile
and how your smile could **** me
and your touch sends shivers down my spine and it kills me when you aren't here
this isn't a poem or a love song or anything really, it's just my undying love for you.
paleanxieties Mar 2014
if my love is an ocean i'm drowning helplessly but still breathing. you are so amazing in every possible way, and i've never felt like this about anyone before in my life. your eyes shoot daggers through me and your smile sets me on fire and you are killing me and i love dying. it amazes me that someone like you loves someone like me but we were meant to be and we will be together for an eternity and more. if i could melt you down and build you up with my words i would talk forever because baby you do the same to me. every time you speak to me my heart melts and i don't get butterflies in my stomach when i see you I get ******* elephants stomping through my insides because god you're walking perfection and i'm just less than nothing and i want nothing more to be by your side for the rest of forever. hugging you makes me feel so warm inside and kissing you gives me chills. if i could give you the world i wouldn't because someone like you doesn't deserve something as ****** as that, boy you deserve the stars. i will love you for a very long time but i'm going to start by loving you forever and then more. you're more than my missing half you are my everything and anything and i love you more than you will ever know.
paleanxieties Sep 2014
i often wonder
what was going
through your mind
on that june morning
when you pulled the trigger

as your blood was spilled
my heart broke
and god, do i miss you.
i miss your scent
your kisses
your warm embraces

you lived a life full of
pain and suffering
goofy smiles and giggles
broken hearts
and 3am skype calls
when we both couldnt sleep

you poured out your
secrets into my cold hands
and i hold them in my arms
to this day.

i miss you, but
i understand you were
suffering. the demons
were too strong and you
had told me they were hard
to fight off.

so, i forgive you.
but oh, how i miss you.

— The End —