It’s like when...
you sense the waning spark beneath her touch.
She is next to you in flesh,
The sheets have taken on her scent,
Her presence has engulfed yours.
she is here and she is gone.
You watch her drift away,
you have lost your power
to reach her,
To touch her deeply,
To hold her soul within the most intimate folds of your own so she can cry in peace.
You hold on, sometimes to nothing.
One day, you realize it has all slipped away.

Its like that...
Its the same kind of losing pieces of yourself when relationships burn and gray.
Its the same whirlwind of spinning thoughts that torture our souls and self worth.
Its the same solitary void;
Empty.
Its the same pain in your chest when you feel like you can’t breathe because your breath was her breath
was my breath
Was our breath
Its the same feeling of betrayal and wondering;
if you ever knew her at all,
If you ever even knew yourself.

Its not charged by ***,
It’s not impassioned by lust.
Its resilient to volatility,
Its not manipulated.
Its steady. Its imperfect.
Its not pressurized by labels or condemned by society, most of the time.
Its organic, it’s honest.
It fuels community, and community follows.
It inspires and it moves.
Its not romantic,
Its love.

So believe me when I say it means nothing less than the world to me,
and understand that I may cry.
I may run
I may hide,
I will probably go wild.

And forgive me,
If my punches graze you,
and my words betray my heart with flames;
If I am half-hearted and slow to breathe,
if I give you all my worst as I fight the inevitable,

resisting,
denying,
losing myself to what I fear most-

Feeling you slip away.

in a moment, we awaken.
those passing glimpses of your eyes
right as they meet mine.
unspoken, gone; yet shared.

a simple understanding - I am enough,
my heart overflows and floods my eyes with rivers.

the wisdom of a child,
the freedom of a blank page,
the proximity of two hearts in one hug,
the moments in between the moments.

Nirvana is not reserved exclusively for gods.
it is impermanence, it is mortality.
it is the flow of life when we dive in;
a precious sequence of experiences that align when we let go.
grasping is fear,
being is brave.

The coward,
he flees at first light.
His strides
as quiet as his convictions.
He fears life,
the infinite unknown,
vicissitudes of pleasure and pain.
So he runs.
Rather than open
to the spectrum of bliss and chaos,
the marvels and madness,
the inescapable interplay of yin and yang;
he closes his door to the world.
He is armored by illusion -
a mask made of clouds,
a defiant independence.
His silhouette fades into the distance.
He can carry only
the weight of emptiness.

The brave man
stays to fight.
Even if the battle is gone,
he faces the truth.
Amidst loss and pain,
he leans in, heart-first;
to hear the final echoes,
to feel the lonely silence -
of something once born,
now dead.
He breathes the time and space of the past into his lungs,
his bones,
his blood,
his being.
In his exhale resides the sun.
Slowly,
with each new breath,
he dusts the soil with gold.
Resilience,
love,
humanity,
grow from the ashes
within.

someday
what I want to be mine
you will also want to be yours.
and it's not about [it doesn't matter]
to whom we belong;
simply that we belong together, to each other.
Our souls, our lives, as free as they are intertwined.
Perhaps time will be the victor, yet again.
Like missing the last train of the night
stranded alone at the platform watching the lights of what was supposed to be your ticket to love fade into a growing darkness, an unknowable distance.
Vanishing
as if it never existed.
Is it wrong to think, to hope, that love is exempt from the ephemeral nature of all things?
For how can something that rubs you so raw,
touches you so deeply,

be
no longer.

These are all we have.
Fleeting, elusive pockets of our lives, passing swiftly;
coming and going in a space we like to call time.
Just like that one time, you leaned across the table and kissed me mid-sentence, as light as a whisper, but with a depth I could feel,
even,
at the very edges of my lips touching yours.
[I never heard your response, but I felt it]
A small moment.
An overflow of trash spills down the side of what was once a pristine mountain,
a waterfall of multi-colored plastic meets a forest path over-tread by humans.
A single careless deposit by one person
becomes all people
is our world
(our environment).
and I
am the same
as you.
We are the mountain.
We are the spores of litter infilitrating creeks, rivers, ocean, land, sky.
I am the ocean, you are the sea
and the point is.
It doesn't matter.
The point is:
distinction is illusory, destruction is real.

My heart stops;
vociferously, unexplainably.
As if to say, wait -
heed closely this road.
There are few for whom this depth I will fall; so far,
as to halt the steady drum beat of my breath, your breath.
As I listen, I feel.
When I'm with you, my heart smiles in the corners of yours.
The single point of your touch awakens every pore in my body.
I am yours and you are mine;
Your words, my words,
reverberate through my ears and echo through the mountain passes of my dreams;
a whisper growing louder every time our energies enmesh.
It is a fleeting moment in time, a whimsical rush.
But in your eyes I see a lifetime in a second.
I see the fall, but not the ground.
Within seconds, your love has entangled mine, so tightly,
an endless knot that will outlive the remainder of our days.

Send me to love
bring me to its doors
to explore, to stay
to leave me wanting more.
Accept even my sores
dragging behind collecting dust from the floor.
I am this, this is it,
what stands now before
amidst your gaze, upon your shores
seeks something of kind
that no trade can afford.
Born of passion, of heart,
did this seed find its start.
To bloom, to grow,
into wonders unknown.

Ci sarai per sempre un pezzo nel mio cuore,
Non sono mai sentita un così bello fiore,
Vorrei sapere se, un giorno rincontremo,
Perchè non posso pensare di un mondo dove non ci saremo,

Tu hai già cambiato tutta la mia vita,
Tu sei la mia unica, la mia bella vera città,
Non voglio dire mai delle cose che ci viene,
Solo qua sembra che tutto potrebbessere va bene.

To my dreams, I inquired
to what heights do you aspire?
To where do you fly?
With which gusts will you soar?

Yet all that replied,
the winds, perhaps of a sigh.
Wasting not seconds more,
they leapt from that nest,
perched high, but just below the rest.

They took flight,
within moments beyond sight.
I shouted and cried -
but these questions, these doubts,
more than skies they are vast!
Just a word I desire and I'll leave them to pass.

Settled, the sounds of silence around my feet.
Empty and voiceless, a resounding defeat.
And so knowing I, and my wandering eye,
there are but two paths I have now to take.
One to follow, of mind sound, that gently awaits,
The other to fly,
awry, miles high.

And without a thought at my feet,
nor a glance just behind,
I spread forth my wings and stopped trusting my eyes.
The air filled my lungs and the clouds seized my soul,
embracing at last, what it feels to be whole.

Emerging from the depths of slumber,
slowly;
eyelids fluttering to life.
A glance aside, and a vague moment in time,
begins to flood my consciousness.
Twisted blankets and ruffled sheets,
for an instant lead me to believe that lying just there,
the remnants of my lover's air.

And then, drifting slowly,
arrived,
the sinking truth of my imagination's lies.
My lungs filling up with disappointment's sighs,
quiet as the passing of time.
The desires of my mind,
both plagued and surfacing to life.

As if not just to keep me warm,
the covers hug the folds of my skin and the bends of my bones,
stifling the vast loneliness of my soul,
from seeping from the comfort of my dreams into the cold.

Lies my body, dead, awake,
A numbing hold of me one cannot shake.
No words, no say, seemingly, I lay,
while seeking out the wandering thoughts,
stumbling blind, through jungles, lost
branches crossed of heartbreak's cost,
and every leaf to fall, exhaust.

I wither beneath your beauty
and soar below your skies.
to look up, I fear,
as if to meet my true demise.

Yet how I long the touch of your embrace,
the whisper of your heart
the sun upon your face
the glow despite the dark.

And though far from your winds,
yearns the desires of my soul,
your height I aspire, a breath akin,
to fill this lonely hole.

A life of wandering through this jungle
So full of distraction.
And yet empty of meaning.
Void of sound; of love
And rays of sun beaming.

I ponder why, to even try,
When my soul sits content
Amidst winter and rain,  
I and those closest dearest,
From this pain can refrain.

Though spirits by many,
Sell in lands near and far,
I cannot with mine bear to part.
Maybe weak and naive, I am rendered,
But I will never surrender my heart.

You are the sun around which all the stars in my eyes revolve.
And Mom, while I was pretending that our worlds hovered in galaxies light years away,
in reality, you were right above me.
Where you've always been,
where you always are.
After 21 years of life I have finally realized that I need only to direct my gaze upward.
And now as I stand;
on the brink of true independence;
staring, mesmerized, looking up to you,
I can see how high I have to fly to keep from falling to the ground.
And I am grounded in my tracks,
gazing at a distance that before this moment seemed so close.
And so far from the walls of this nest, my foundation, the embrace of your arms,
will I depart,
As a sinking sensation begins to settle in my heart.
You have surrendered to me all the fruits of your labor and all the seeds of your love.
And though the roots of our ancestors have become tangled and twisted,
you should know that this tree stands strong.
Resilient to storms that have in times past knocked us to the ground and emptied us of song.
But your tree, our tree, will endure.
It will not be burned by the flaming embers of envy or ignited by the sparks of silenced truths.
It will withstand the hurricanes born by hatred and the swirling clouds of arrogance.
It will bloom forth with the brightness of the sun that shines behind your eyes,
because you,
took the time to let it grow.

I am struck.
Struck once again by the lighting of fear;
but also by that of fate.
And while I want nothing more than to fill these pages with hate,
I know deep down that the state of my heart
will endure the now undefined shape of my future.
The pile of ash that remains is just another locked door.
A mound of fallen hopes and tears to be buried beyond the depths of this floor.
And I am sure,
that what was once the key was only just a lure.
And yet, as if by monstrous waves I am nonetheless crushed over and over again.
Unsure,
whether or not the blow of one more
I will be able to endure.
Standing.
Breathing.
Thinking.
An infinite array of caves await,
whose haunted hollows the only enclaves,
where dwells the depths from which my future resonates.

My love, you are
one of the ones.
So close, but so far,
a single star of many suns.
Alone we are, together.
Yet forever, apart.
I am here, as ever,
my open, swollen heart.
Beating to the rhythm of yours.
Your words speaking,
to a voice that pours,
out every thought I'm thinking.
Free you are, I can see
the lights behind your eyes,
to greener grass, will lead,
from nothing you will shy.
I am not a key, but a door,
and you the choice, to enter,
what time urges not to explore.
A desire seeping from my center,
My core,
Left only wanting more.
Away my love I send.
A love, you are.
But this in the end,
cannot go far.

For a lack of a better way to say this, you ******* rocked my world.
You took every last piece of me and ripped it apart,
filled not only my head but also my heart
with doubt.
You clouded my senses
battered my bones
and left me completely and utterly empty.

The only source of strength within me the breath keeping me alive,
one exhale at a time.
You have shaken my confidence and uprooted my once unshakable conviction.
My world, my connections,
my sense of self.
Me.
The only place I call home now swept away and scattered by the winds of the world
whose sands will never wholly be returned to this place.

And now.
I can only hope that the pits of darkness I can barely escape from will one day be a balance to the love we will create.
And though I crave to be buried beneath the security of your arms,
I seek also the freedom of the skies,
and the escape from these ties,
that have for so long been binding me to the ground.

I don't care you were but a whim.
With you I was not alone,
To that I was not akin.

You saw me instantly, don't ask me how.
I was so weak I was transparent.
Now forced to question where I've landed myself now
and whether all of this should be apparent.

Once my head with circled clouds
walked down streets, no map no shoes.
Now born that little shroud of doubt.
Did this wandering path I choose?  

My innocuous, spontaneous reveries;
that have now knocked me and reduced my breath to heavy gasps upon my knees.
And your power to shake me never ceases to take me by surprise,
You enter my desires the moment I decide to erase them from my mind.

And that is what you are, a dream.

A million single little dreams awoken at the turn of slumber,
Dancing with out care throughout this city of wonder.
Though swore my vacant vulnerable cries,
that with you I would not be reduced to these sighs.

Abruptly and lonely I am shaken awake,
The pool of my tears now resembles a lake,
Cold sweat on my brow, I am reminded of you,
A love that I felt now revealed as untrue.

The trance that kept me seeing past,
The door that you had sealed.
Now left to gather all the shattered glass;
what once the crystal of my hope in all I thought before was real.

I find myself entangled in the comfort of your arms
But where consolation once was, I cannot find
With you as much as I bear not to part
This loneliness I must embrace as my own kind.

Though you may feel the beating of my heart
do not you wish to hear the voice that reigns within?
And though to me your gaze grows ever near
My inner fire, a thought to which you are not akin.

You caught me as I was stumbling, through forests of my own;
A warmth to comfort the icy days of solace,
Meanwhile pangs of emptiness continued knocking on my door,
As if to confirm the doubts of destiny between us.

Unable to prevent the path of my wandering footsteps,
From running to the world’s most distant corners.
In pursuit of something I may die in my attempt to find,
An understanding’s console only to us mourners.

For you my passion remains the mystery of a whim
While yours for me does not wish itself to reveal.
That despite my prying for the chance to open,
Will lie in silence beyond the doors that fate has sealed.

I feel as if I’ve dreamt for years
but I’ve hardly slept a wink.
A tired heart while childhood fears
Come back to haunt me as my lonely eyes have managed just to blink.

An insensual aroma awakening my hope,
Long since hiding in the hibernating slumbers of my mind,
Escaping from the fear my every memory will evoke,
As the lover deep within me seeks to evade the world that me they hope it will not find.

I cling closer to my every breath,
Growing heavier with the passing days,
As an augur gust of pain with the crushing sound of death,
Leaves me abandoned in the loneliest depths of my trepidation’s crashing waves.  

Has all the beauty this time has brought me,
Been left away so many miles,
And I am wondering if it will ever see so clearly,
That this distance our true love it will beguile.

I wish I knew how to tell you everything,
The chaos in my head that has yet to even for a moment stop running,
As if to forever hide from me in the deepest tracks of my mind.
And I regret now that not even one piece of clarity I have been able to find.

And as these words stumble across these pages,
I can only hope that the changing tides confusing who I am will soon subsist.
I admit that your ears were the only ones that offered to listen,
And I can blame only myself for these fallen tears and this heart that glistens.

I’m only scared because the love I left not so very long ago,
Has left me drowning in a well so deep, and I have never felt so low.
Alone, abandoned by a distant land,
Whose winds have long since cleared the tracks I left imprinted in the sand,
A tragedy for which I had not planned,
For in this place has there my heart been left to stand.

Still; no warmth, no chill,
An emptiness that grows despite how desperately its depths I wish to fill.
I seek but to live, to be,
In a place where can be found that bliss and harmony,
Together - you and me.

I am aware that where my soul now plants its roots,
May or may not yield any type of fruit,
A risk it may be called by some indeed,
But on my own terms into this ground must I invest this seed.

And with love and time may it bloom, may it grow,
To the world before this moment I have yet to show,
A piece, a part, a whole of me that even now myself I do not know,
A beauty to sow; a memory to reap and forever stow.

With the treasures of the past, and the promise of what now is real.
Though love and light from me it took to steal,
This brief encounter at least has shown me I know how to feel.

Despite my vain attempts to pretend
I must confess that loneliness and I are friends.
A reality I cannot shake
to no avail or end.

My shoulders bumped by city crowds
In masses they surround
But when forward I extend my hand,
All I feel are clouds.

My escape I cannot find
running wild my restless mind.
Screaming heart, faded spirit
I close my ears, but I still hear it.

Flooding fear, I’m holding tight.
The end draws near, but where’s the light?

On my knees I search for strength,
my will is weak, my eyes are strained.
Now barely breathing, embers die
heavy sighs and helpless cries.

Water now up to my knees,
What hope is left begins to freeze.

Tightened chest, gasping breath
panic peaks, impending death.
Closing eyes, this is it,
If it happens, I won't see it.
Final thoughts, last regrets,
If I, could have ... left to rest.

Darkness weighs until I break,
No body left, my soul to take.
My former life, losing shape,
Yet here I am,
my escape?

I carry on
only because i know
love is strong.
And though slow,
my curvy road will find,
that part, my heart,
is ready to show.
The comfort of souls;
intertwined with sparks
and ignited by bones.
Spirits rendered tainted,
when left in the rain.
the loss, with frost,
those walls can't be repainted.
Despite the risk of this,
I raise my gaze,
my chest begins to shift.
Beginning to embrace
what for so long I had feared.
This world would miss, and be remiss,
of love and life revealed.

Everything I wanted  blossomed out of the beauty of your embrace,
A dream, an adventure, the thrill of a never ending chase.

Now an absence in my heart I have  learned to resent,
My pillars of hope now twisted and bent.

For without you, this pain I would not have to bear,
My only lonely despair.
For the wonder of falling so free of care,

Means hitting the ground without seconds to spare.

A love like the rain
A drought from the desert sun
So dry and empty

Thunderclouds rolling by
A moment to linger, they strike
Only ash remains

Vulnerable dust
Swept by shame across the lands
Of uncertainty

The sun setting west
Fear that light I will not touch
A heart still guarded

I long as I lie
Beneath a vast stretch of stars
Echoing my dreams

Here my mind is free
To be taken by the wind
No where; anywhere

Reason resonates
Do you believe peace is real?
No answer is known

Reminiscing fades
Time is cruel, moments too short
Cherish what is now

Though spirit longing
To traverse gates of new life
Nature will reveal

Secrets kept by death
Haunted beauties that lie beyond
imagination

Broadened, brighter lens
To behold a world greener
As grass always seems

Searching for a home
Yet that's from where I depart
Weary head and heart

An empty forest
Where stood a canvas, white, blank
The story begins.

Why does every wall around me 
fall down all at once, 
I'm forced to scatter my own ashes, 
My knees buckle when I try to run. 

With no escape or helping hand, 
To illuminate this pit, 
Blinded by my own demise, 
What can I do but sit? 
And sit. 
And think.
Of all the times 
I was the crutch that kept you standing on your feet. 
That now as I'm about to sink
I see no ladder dangling
Within my outstretched reach.

Some don’t believe our souls are meant to find a mate.
That no matter what, we will be left utterly alone at the end of the day.
You have you and I have me.

Until you wake up and discover that all this time, every part of yourself you considered your own unique piece, your personal treasure – well, it doesn’t actually belong to you.
Because after all, who are we but reflections of all the beautiful things we see in the world; smeared and speckled slightly by dirt and grime we either attempt to clean or condemn.

And yet neither beauty nor ugliness would exist in complete isolation.
Myself and my soul are me because of you.
Every tiny little ray of goodness that exudes from you has become a part of me.
For the beauty of the world lies not in the hands of I; but rather can be found in the crux of every different strand of companionship.

The chapters you have written in my life are extraordinary and unrivalled.
And though the eroding forces of time may one day leave those pages yellowed and torn, the stories they tell have been permanently imprinted in the most precious depths of my memory.

Maybe I don’t believe in a higher power than that of ourselves, but somewhere within me resides the belief that sometimes true love has a way of finding its way back into our lives.
Back to the people and places where the most pure forms of bliss and happiness dug their deepest roots.