I'm terrified of becoming like this air vent
Cold, rational and controlled by a panel
I want to decide when I turn on and off

Gray is so deathly
I watched it all, blood red
From tires you bring guilt
You deliver them no reprieve
From the window,
you look much sweeter
Down on the pavement,
you couldn't make hell any deeper
You're still half beautiful though
Every breathing lung disagrees
Your ***** blood is all you have to show
I won't recite you stories, you're dead
Just bury this in your non-existent grave
I ponder upon your disintegrating- I'll think
I amend the vultures that choose your corpse
You'll have that home you wanted
Even if it's for a little while

Guess I'll be postponing December's reconstructive surgery
There's nothing like being delayed from your own burglary
It had potential too, well maybe if it wasn't so ruthful
I'll still tentatively deem it as successful
I started to shed the lingering fatigue
I began to think of my completed protocols
Triggered the realization I need the reconstruction after all

I found the cure,
but I'm not so pure
You'll have to bear with me
as I fall deeper, deeper.

We laugh about the mermaids in the sea
I laugh but you don't think you're funny
We'll draw koalas,
and go on walks for hours.

I've grown tired of this
surreal, trying-to-run-underwater paralysis
My thoughts will not expire,
even though I harshly insist
It's time to redirect my energy back to the war
The one I began waging over two years ago
I'll keep struggling against this innuendo
All for the hope to destroy my incoherency
Yet somehow still possess my secrecy

Candle brims and faint light
Let it keep you alive
Fall in love with the passing night
It's acceptable to dream up your deaths
These potential slumbers won't bring rest

I wish I slept
and dreamt of lanterns in grass
Everything in my view is on fire
Full of abiding, dangerous desire

It's not my pulse that's pounding
My passion is what's thriving
I hammer the beauty so forcefully
I should recognize this morbidity
To my being it's life,
not the finale
It's the soft breaths you take involuntarily
Peaceful.

I hope death holds this illumination.

There is common ground between the seasons and I
Stages of everything going conclusively awry
Undergoing this divine metastasis
I view it as lacking the act of being courageous
And being even farther of described as spontaneous
But I never berated a late afternoon in September
Especially the absurd image of even knowing it was a possibility
I hope in a decade or so I will remember
Every one of these disjointed thoughts
As rapid as hummingbird wings I'll soon miss December

Skull etched of flowers
Bones white as snow
You fell in love with the marrow
Listened to the mouth that told you to go

Repetitive are your words, your ways
Many creations helping convey
To be truthful, it all means the same

Go to her
Don't listen to that mouth
Speak, "Home is where you are"
I didn't fall in love in the South

Written with unflinching honesty I resume
Although I still see this poignant death as an empty room
Yes, I will resume this empathy
I'll admit it's not well-crafted with superiority
This inevitable event deftly captures us all moving into a vagrancy
Confronting the abyss of what might be

Do you know how hard it is
to make a dead man proud
It just about puts yourself in the ground

Living for a corpse with a pulse
They have no place for their words
Taking advice from a dead man is absurd

Until they put life back into their own soul
Don't go out of your way and dig your own hole

In tragedy I find comfort
It kills me to know inside you're dying
But I just need to know my feelings can still export

I'd live in pain and no breathing
Rather than being a numb, empty shell
I'll take forth all of this endless seething

Knowing I'm alive through emotion
Is much more desirable than being stale
Through every silent scream there's promotion

My lungs release lessened breathes
But it's all I have to my name
I refuse to erase this pain
It's all that will ever stay the same

We built our new compartments
We don't know where we've been
We've come a product of our lies
An even bigger lie

I don't see you in the same light
Most likely I'm blinded by my own darkness
Our souls lost the fight

My vision can no longer decipher
What is imaginative and what is just too clear
Far too realistic for me to comprehend

But I saw a glimpse of light last night
I'm resurfacing, It's alright
It'll all be coherent soon
I'll help you out of this hell of a cocoon

If I lose myself anymore I am going to disintegrate
and even if that were to happen,
you'd probably still be there to adore my ashes

Your body is the capitol of our state
I'll meet you there, or at least what's left of it
I look into your eyes, you're not letting me through the gate

I can't manage this entire place
You have to lift your face
Emerge from the sheets
It's not home without me

You haven't called in five days
You destroyed this place
Did you see the look upon her face?
I feel so ashamed
You've got it all displaced

The sound of your keys opening her only door
She waited for you every moon
But you beat her, you killed her down to the core

I know you're scared, you're lost
Come on, baby
Tell me do you believe in me

Every crack in the floor compares to every crack in her soul
Every broken window is irreplacable

You shut her only door
There was much more than this house
You destroyed much more

I sit anticipating
I know I can't get out
Maybe I don't want to, I now realize

Five more minutes
I'll be disconnected
My land line will be cut off
I'll be away from them and everything
I'll be disconnected from this terrible reality

Up here, sanity won't be questioned
Intricacy and a lack of logic is appreciated
Even if down here I am considered insane

Two more seconds..

and I'm gone.

****, what if this plane crashes?