sometimes it takes someone who is drowning
to spot another soul in need of saving

the words you whispered
at two am every night
when i couldnt breathe i was crying so hard
when i couldnt speak through the sobs of hysteria
when i shook from the sadness of it all
you kept me alive
in all those times of doubt
and i just cant believe
that you thought you could leave
and i would be okay

because ill never be okay
you held me together
even though i was bursting at the seams
and then you broke me apart
like the fragile soul that i truly am

January 4th, 2013.
Her heart beats steadily, like the thumping rhythm of a drum. It always comforts me, when she lays her chest against mine and the steady thump thump fills my mind.
She has a super power, a way of telling when I'm distressed or angry or sad. She is my sun, in a world of rain. She's a special flower.

July 18, 2013.
I have seen subtle changes in my rose. She is not the radiant, ball of sunshine she used to be. Her eyes are sad, and her skin pale. I know she is keeping things from me, but I can not tell what they are. I won't force her to say anything, she will tell me when the time is right.

September 27th, 2014.
She sent me a letter.
Something was wrong.
I immediately rushed over to her home, worried sick about her. The letter was not like her. I didn't bother knocking, my anxiety overpowering any of my common sense.
I burst into her door, and stopped dead in my tracks. She hung from the ceiling, dangling by a rope around her neck. She appeared as she could've been asleep, if not for the unnatural way her neck was bent. The rosy glow from her cheeks was gone, and all I saw was the way her eyes stared, eerily into the darkness.
I don't remember anything else, but hearing the thump as my knees hit the floor, and the thump of my head.

??????
I do not know the date, the time, or even the year. I have not eaten in three days. My grief has swallowed me, making me feel like a tiny krill in the vast ocean.
My mind constantly hounds me about her death. I should've known something was wrong. Why didn't I know something was wrong?
With each thump thump of my heart, I sunk into a deeper and deeper depression. She deserves to be here. I don't.

??????
This is my last entry.
I am so, so glad that I can finally escape this misery of a life.
It sounds like music to my ears.
The click of the gun.
And the last thump thump of my empty heart.