Can't write very well because of you.
Leaped what has been leaped;
Now unsure how to get back to whence we started:
Was it truly a leap of faith?
Now you flew away,
As I see your figure in the sky;
Not that I've seen you close enough.

I tried to make poetry,
But I'm bothered by how idiotic I was;
You tried to help me, I just shut down,
*Now I just have this four-lined ****** apology.

You were red,
I was blue.
You turn lilac whenever I'm near,
Then red violet when you talk to me.
I turn teal when you smile,
Then uncertain as indigo when you call my name.
Then yellow came around,
You turned orange.
I turned green.
Whenever you're with me I turn you brown.
Now I disgust you.
Now I ***** you.
I strip myself of the hues I've made.
Now I'm just black.
Devoid of anything, of anyone.
Of us, of you.

I'm afraid to lure to you to me,
I know they won't like it.
I'm scared for you to know me,
I feel like I'm a ball you'll hit.
Foreign people, foreign disputes,
Pacing unrealistic promises.
Trying to make up absolutes,
Even though I'm the only one making crash courses.
Tying to talk to us again,
Attempting to rhyme;
Like sewing tattered linen;
Quite easy, but not easy on time.
I left just for me to return,
I typed just for you to know;
I'd never stop, I'd never learn;
Like a madman resurrecting someone from a barrow.

I regret giving it everything I am.
I regret giving up everything they ought to be.
I regret the blades that passed my wrists;
But then, it's part of life, isn't it?
To destroy what you can.

A secret I'll confess,
Disgusting as it is strange;
Making me feel less,
Begging for immediate change.
Cut 1; the beginning of a tragedy.
Cut 2; pity for me, begging for you.
Cut 3; the words that echo horribly.
Cut 4; losing hope to live for.
Cut 8; the age that daddy chose to touch me.
Cut 12; when Cousin made me play a little game.
Cut 15; the hellish years I've lived, enduring.
Cut 28; filled with sorrow and hate;
Cut 37; out of vain, illustrated heaven.
Cut 50; the cutting and the bleeding get blurry.
Cut 68; I question my fate.
Cut 77; the innocence you seem to deafen.
Cut 82; I know it's more than blue.
Cut 95; seems pointless to strive.
Cut 100; I live on, but I know I'm already dead.
Wanted you to help me, but never could.
Wanted you to save me, but never would.
Madness I tried to stop and still is struggling:
Now everything that makes me happy seem more depressing.

Lights on,
Lights off.
Stared in the mirror,
But could never see clearer.
Lights on,
Lights off.
Prayed for the burden to get lighter,
Got all but none to make it feel better.
Lights on,
Lights off.
Tried to lay it off my head,
Got too carried away by it, instead.
Should've plugged the headset when they started talking;
Should've left the words to rot when I knew where they were going;
Should've shrugged it off because it wasn't my business,
Now I can't accept anything but brash and reckless.
Lights on,
Lights off.
Should've done it,
Should've tossed it.
Lights on,
Lights off.
Had to put the lid,
But never did.
Lights on,
Lights off.
Never the path had been so light,
Lights on,
Lights off.
*I just haven't been myself tonight.

Divided attention,
An ultimate disgrace.
Thoughts flying free,
Albeit a fluctuating pace.
Random in the happenstance,
Then you in another place;
Haven't been myself, in this silly case.
Before, I have loved you.
And still though to this day.
Yet I feel different when you're around me;
I haven't known what it made me say.
I feel so far when you're not here,
But now I feel farther when you're near.
My heart hasn't changed its beat about you,
But why would my head not think of what my heart can do?
I know this is senseless,
It's a waste of your time.
Before, I wanted you to read my words,
Now I hide from you, thoughts sublime.
It may be a stretch, but I hope it'll come through:
*I lost hope unlike before how I felt for you.

It's easy to let the fire grow,
But it's hard to start it up again.
It's easy in the dark to see the glow,
But it's hard to know what it is back then.
Senseless analogies, sensitive cahoot;
Meaningless fallacies that show us the truth;
The door is ajar, it can't be closed;
The dawn's still afar, we won't remember it most;
I wish I had never opened the box,
If I knew I had no idea to close it.
The lazy dog jumps over the brown fox,
Now you made everything in me twisted.
Sensitive analogies; Senseless as cahoot;
They're still fallacies; They'd show not the truth;
I wish I had known to reel out much better,
Your words of company, more than an affixer;
I wish we could start up the flame again;
*But I guess all I could do is write it all down with a pen.

Her move's more than suspicious;
Did she wear those short-*** shorts again?
What is it? She going to another home or something?
Why don't you say those **** to her yourself?
I ain't a conduit for your complaints,
I ain't an ear to hear your whining.
If you want to know the truth that badly,
Then why do you make the effort to spread the poison,
Instead of giving it to the victim?
You have the uncanny strength of superstition,
Hat's off to you, good sir,
Unfortunately I think it would be,
I'd **** myself by jumping from your pride to your knowledge;
*Very steep and suicidal.

The only thing I can do if I'm broken,
Is to write ****** poetry
If not help others overcome their ****
*What a ******* Drama King, right?!

I'll love you,
*Even though you'll never love me back.

Stuck with a midnight crises,
Split to think about two people,
Split to hearing two voices in my head.
All while busy crying the time away.
Melancholic piano plays,
As the rainy night passes by;
My favorite night.
They'd not believe me when I'd tell them,
No one would believe tears from a boy's eye would be real.
And this cold ain't the best thing to feel with it.
So I'd have no choice but to sleep unfinished.
I'll just see them in my dreams,
With a song on repeat.
I might have a blanket,
But nothing would spare me from the cold truth;
That you'll never feel the same for me.





































Both of you.

What a fool's work it is,
To obsess over love never found.
Love that's in front of your very eyes,
But is not given time to be acknowledged.
I wish I could change that;
I wish we could change that...
*Would you like to?

I still get dumb when it's about you;
When they talk about you and I,
And those things that can never happen to us.
I still yearn to have those moments,
Moments that we'd have only to the both of us;
Yet the only time we'll see each other in the eye,
*Is when you're about to leave me.

Drowning myself in the voices of others;
Fighting a battle I shouldn't be giving a **** about;
Feeling defeated over words,
Sharper than any sword you'll sharpen;
In my venomous words,
I hide my cowardice.
Yes,
I want to make it stop,
Yes,
I want to give up,
Yes,
I want to end everything,
But everything's relying on this one mistake.
No matter how many words I'd jot down,
It won't go away.
No matter how much I try to chain it down,
It'll just come back more vicious than before.
It goes to show what you try to hide under the light,
Would be complete hell when you let it loose.

Dry and crackling fire within
Ready to start a blaze
Hungry to devour the world
To cause a smoking haze

A plume of black on the horizon
As the sun does set
The fire all-the-more visible
When with darkness it is met

Darkness rests not further
The fire indeed grows brighter
Yet also pale moonlight grows paler
Both strong yet not enough to conquer

In blackness dark still remains
Amidst the flames and moonlight, it retains
The sun might shine to bid away the darkness' feigns
Twilight may be gone but the emptiness remains

Been hurt too much it doesn't feel like anything.
Been played with without knowing and ended up broken.
What a pity it was;
His heart did as worse as his dainty mind.
Same old, same old,
Staring blankly at the screen;
Should be doing something no one really knows,
Bawling my heart out;
Bawling without tears flowing.
Tinker with the darkness that's sleeping,
Fill your head with unfamiliarity,
Once a man's mind snaps;
You better run away from it.
From writing pieces,
Back to scribbling random words.
Been there, done that.
Been hurting over and over,
Been hurting but never learning.
Haven't learned anything;
Feels nothing but yearning;
Yearning for love never reciprocated.
Been crying though it sounds fake,
Been loving though it sounds uncanny.
The chills never left me;
*The cycle never ends.

Wandering, wandering,
I should be doing something awfully important.
**But, here I am, writing words that seem to instantly come out of my head.

It's a ******* understatement

*When you feel ****** all day and "it's just a phase."

Steadily functional,
Kept together everything else.
Needed not any appraisal,
Silenced the clanging bells.

Connecting one to the other,
Correlating unfamiliar vices;
Like clearing murky water,
Like fleshing out carcasses.

Tells the truth and nothing more,
Never meant to show;
But still you didn't connect us;
*You just loosened and let go.

Just hit rock bottom
Writer's Block
Irony
Wounds closed; about to reopen
No one understands the plea
Talk to me
Help

You know you've ****** up;

*When you cry over happy songs.

You know you kind of have a problem

When you search the dictionary for words

Again, I lost it.
Got my hopes up;
As usual.
Iterated my disarray,
Nothing but rejection was their reaction.

Again, I thought of it.
Grew to an acquaintance,
Assorted into bleakness;
Intrinsic I was not,
Null was I.

Again, I felt it.
Glaring at me;
Anger and disgust.
Inside of me,
Apprehensions try to rip me apart.

Again, I've hurt myself.
Guilt ensues over me;
Again, I've hurt them, as well.
Insensible as I were;
Not as insensible as I am now.

Again, I've fallen.
Gutted down to nothing.
Assaulted beyond me.
Inherently living in me;
None other than perpetrators, such as myself.

Unhinge the skin,
Negate the senses;
Cut out that grin;
Open your ears to the voices;
Make your pain akin,
Flood your mind with hearsays;
Oscillating, your head'll spin,
Ringing sounds'll follow you in all places;
Trapped without reasoning; discipline;
Apprehended by the past's corpses;
Blazing are the chances that's bore thin;
Losing all comprehensible choices;
Ending fouler than sheepskin.

Immobile are they, but still widespread like disease;
Nothing but the demons that play deaf to your pleas.

Close the doors that were open;
Open the doors once closed.
Mend the pieces once broken;
Find yourself occupied, yet bored.
Overcome the path of the demon once risen;
Reveal what truth there is discord.
Taper the pain with pun.

Play it on repeat,
Sulk on my defeat;
The scars increased without me knowing;
Knowing the fallacies that had been pouring;
******* up my mind,
Reason for some reason I can't find.
It broke.

I've cut before,
I'd really not want to make a statement;
But I just couldn't take it anymore,
I can't hide behind it!

Cut; bleed; repeat.

I won't be on the best of your time;

But it'd be grand if you'd give me a word or two.

Make a whole **** lot good, everybody'll praise;
Make one bad and all hell'll break loose.
Be what they want, everybody'll be dazzled;
Be who you are, and hell'll break loose.
(At least that's how it was for me.)

Cut; bleed; die.
Hurt; speak; silence.
Think; select; analyze.
Not all words you say are heard by them.
(At least that's how it is for me.)

It's funny how all these happen;
They all feel correlated;
As all look down on me
And feast on my insecurities and weaknesses.
(How quaint.)

Making words has never been so fulfilling;
As false accusations are made against those depressed;
You're just going another phase;
Well to that, I say:* How dumb of them!
*Not everything you say is right!

Scream, then silence.
Move, then stop.
Think, then get lost;
Cut your soul in half.

Drowning in my own sorrow,
I find myself breathing;
Nonparallel to what I thought; *
Parallel to what I'm thinking.*

See not the light of the world;
For only then you will see how darkened it really is;
It's better to see in the darkness;
At least it's the reality that you'll witness.

Slowly dripping,

Your crocodile tears of love.

You don't need to say you love me;

I know of the things you have done.

Don't cry in front of me,

Because I know what curses you say to me behind those eyes.

Don't ever try to win me back again,

*You'll just end up in an endless cycle of games.

I stare at the luminescent screen
Thinking about you;
I stare as my fingers conjure up these words;
These words I make for you.
You'll never know it was yours to take,
As I'll never say those three words:
I,love,you.
All it takes for me
Is to see you happy;
And that alone is enough.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.­
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
**Even if you'd be happy with somebody else

Being the numb **** I ought to be,
Just like that I crossed the line again;
*Strangers being stranger than where they started.

The boy who lost his voice,
The entity that camouflages in glamour,
The man who lives in vincible ignorance
The one who stood when all was shattered;
*No one would really know.

Sometimes all good become all sorrow.
Sometimes the hope is made to feel like no tomorrow;
Yet those who stand on broken vows
*Seem to become their better selves.

The acclaimed Hierophant speaks at his sleep,
His words of tongue much ******,
*Than the truth that abides his fiendish reality.

Strip yourself of the grandeur you demonstrate,
*I know how rotten you are already.

I was too used to being silenced that I don't have my own voice anymore

The grief of the soulless
Comes out and about;
As the fluttering butterfly leaves their wings,
And reverts to a caterpillar.
The scorn of the soulless
Flails their meaningless hope
As the light shines through another.
As they are blinded by the falseness of themselves.

Deafen the path with birds of song;
Confuse them of the road they'd ought to take;
White noise fills the barren room;
Pirouette in the dark halls;
Make the world yours in an instant;
Walk upon the forsaken way;
Trample your psyche with all odds;
Empty the casket with song;
Recite your mantras,
Drink your fill,
Fog thine images with deceit;

Hide the sadness with forced laughter.

Fog thine eyes with tears;
Drink your dose of aspirin,
Recite your curses;
Empty the casket with pleasantries;
Waltz upon the forsaken way;
Make the fault yours in an instant;
Pirouette into the blissful morgue;
White noise deafens the bustling child;
Confuse them of the songs they'd ought to sing;
*Deafen the truth with howls of jealousy.

We talk a bit,
And then we stopped.
We glanced a bit,
And now it's done.
So much lost in so little time;
So much yearning
For someone I can't call mine.
Retracting back to fallacies;
Fallacies of one in blind love;
Love seen through a one-sided mirror,
Unbeknownst of what the other side may be.

We sat beside,
And now we're apart.
It felt so close,
And now it is so afar.
Too much for making a reel
Of something that'll never be real;
Or the fact that I still hold on to;
That there still may be a chance;
A chance to be the one to hold your hand;
Unbeknownst if you would hold another.

It felt like nothing;
And now it is pain;
At first it felt like sunrise;
Now I feel as cold as rain.
Too much for expecting
For something to happen
And now it's all gone to ****.
**I wonder if I was wrong to take that step.

In the midst of oppression;
The buzzing of truth finds hard to flutter.
In a carousel of corpses;
Such is a truth to stay awake.
In the lines of fuzzy minds;
How uncanny it is to find a thought;
Of a head with a travel far from reality;
His pen the anchor to mundaneness.

Strum the song that nobody ever knows,
Strum the song nobody would ever know;
Sing of the words that words cannot understand,
Let those knocking whisper their voices.
Sulk upon the sounds of trembling thunders;
Let the rain deafen you whole.
Blind your eyes from the truth with distortion;
Your pain the anchor to reality.

Let the pendulum swing;
Let the smoke turn you vague;
Let the scorn that darkness brings;
Let the sedation leave you enraged.
Let the twisted remain as they are;
Perhaps they were twisted for a reason;
Turn numb with all unconnected words;
*Confusion the anchor to the earth.

Clogging my head with song,
Mask my words with lyrics,
Twist my focus with nonsense;
Set another terrible bunch on fire.

Hear endless talks of flirtation,
Outside the endless reclamation of fault,
Farther the images, truth much covered with lies
Hidden too much , it's diluted.

Clock my thought with four lines,
Paint my head with more lies,
Crank the volume with more than four tries,
Repeat the vices, the verses for more than four times.

Listen to unfamiliar voices,
Voices that tell their tale of soaring;
Listen how they scream their name to the tune;
It's hard to believe when you hear it while down under.

Make words, make nonsense,
How can he possibly know?
Impair their perspectives;
Welcome to the maze of wailing repetition!

Plague the silence with voices:
A boy, a woman, a man,
All shouting different chants;
Made up so much, it's all *******.

Plea no more, I would commit,
Somebody no more than trying to climb.
A door who holds its own key;
Too bad he forgot where he put it.

Slowly, falling into depravity,
Take claim his empty head;
Take heed the light he left;
Slowly, sleeping towards Oblivion.

Not more than an empty casket.
The flames return to the torch.
Still burning bright, still unfinished;
See this terrible bunch move in the scorching fire.