The only thing I really ask for anymore is for someone to love me, is that too much to ask?
All I want is for someone to care about me for who I really am,
Someone that is kind, caring, attractive, understanding, and loyal.
I want to be able to give my love to someone so completely that my feelings for them are solid.
It seems that no matter how hard I try, how badly I want that, I still have to wait for longer than anyone should ever have to.
I’ve been in this world for 18 years, but never has anyone ever loved me for the man that I am.
My heart feels such emotions that I don’t believe any other man has ever felt,
It longs achingly to share itself with someone.
I know that my future wife is out there somewhere,
And I can’t wait until I’m with her,
But that’s just the thing: I can’t wait.
The emotions are starting to become unbearably painful
Every time another person that I care about leaves,
It becomes a little easier to justify why I should crawl back into my shell.
The funny thing is, everyone I ever care about ends up either leaving me or hurting me severely.
Some examples: My mom, dad, aunt, sister, Ruth, Paul, Scott, Jesse, Steven, Jordan, Chris, James, Rob, Kristen, Kim, Sam, Julie, Brandon, Chima, John, Tonya, Tessa, Mike, Cassie, Trevor, and so many more that I cannot name them all.
My first girlfriend, my only girlfriend, the only girl I ever truly loved, cheated on me and sacrificed me for the man she cheated on me with, casting me aside like I was nothing – the exact same way my mom did, twice.
It just goes to show that dreams never come true, no matter how hard you try, because I’ve been trying for 18 years for someone to love me for who I am, yet all people do is hate and scorn me.
Even if I’m doing better than I ever have before, all those who say they care about me focus on only the negatives, the things that I’m doing wrong because I don’t know how to do them and no one cares enough to hear any of my cries for help.
What is my purpose on this disgusting planet?
Why am I here?
Would it really make a difference if I never came to be?
I think the world would be a better place if I had never been, a lot of innocent people could have been spared a life full of pain and anguish similar to mine.
My entire existence is pain, and suffering;
Torment and anguish.
If I have a purpose in this world, there is no way it is to help anyone
Because no one cares enough to listen to me when I ask to help.
All of my words, all of my emotions, everything that has to do with me,
Is completely obsolete in the eyes of everyone else in this world.
The only purpose I could have, is to destroy the lives of as many people as possible while I am in this world.
I guess that means that I’m destined to go to hell.
Well the hell with destiny, I’m not going to follow that which I am destined to do,
At least not if it is to hurt as many people as I can.
I’m going to change my destiny and everything about it,
And I’m going to be heard no matter what!